It's Time
To tell you about my problem. It's been 7 consecutive days and I did say that I would tell you guys all about it when I was free of it for that long.
What I have is called trichotillomania, it's an OCD that means that I pull out my hair. In my case, I pull out my hair from the scalp. I've done it since I was in the 5th grade. I'm not sure how it started, but I know it's been very difficult to stop. There's no medication that you can take that will stop it. A lot of people with trich take anti depressants or anti anxiety medication. I've tried it, and it only made it worse. What's more, I don't want to have to rely on medication to help me with this. I want my own will power.
It's been a really hard struggle for me, but after starting a hand written journal [twice - once in 2006 and then now] it's been gradually getting better. I've been on my way to pull free since I can remember. I wear hats to keep the temptation away, I tell myself no, I go do some other activity, etc. And you know, I can't even tell you why I do it. I just do it. Some people pick at their skin, or they bite their nails. I pull out my hair and sometimes I consume it. Yes, I eat my hair most times. 85% of trichotillomaniacs mutilate their hair in some way shape or form - it's normal. I mean, it's not, but for a trichster it is. And I worry about Rapunzel Syndrome. Where the hair forms a clump in your stomach and you have to have it surgically removed. I've thought about it many times, and there is no way of getting around it. Whenever I would pull, there was no way I could just not consume it. I can't explain it, but it was a sense of relief when I did consume it.
Everytime I would pull, it would be mostly subconsciously. I'd be watching tv, driving, on the computer, on the phone, reading - something - and there it would be. And each time I would pull, I would have that moment of relief and then I'd become mad at myself for destroying my hair. I want beautiful hair like my friends. But, there is limited things I can do with a thin patch on top. It's gotten a lot better since the 5th grade [I had a huge bald spot]. I read somewhere that it took 21 days to break a habit. So, I started a journal project in 2006 and recorded my feelings, thoughts, when I pulled, etc for 21 days. I fell off the bandwagon pretty quick. That's when I realized that it wasn't a habit, it's a disease.
So, I started, again two weeks ago when my cousin Kat died. I fell off, again after 3 days, but I didn't let it get me down and started, again. Yesterday was my 7th consecutive day of being pull free. It wasn't easy, but I made it with lots of motivation. My next goal is to be 20 days consecutive.
Now you know about my [T] and [RS]. It was hard for me to let anyone know, but in a way I feel better letting y'all know. Now you know a huge part of who I am and what I'm trying not to be.
What I have is called trichotillomania, it's an OCD that means that I pull out my hair. In my case, I pull out my hair from the scalp. I've done it since I was in the 5th grade. I'm not sure how it started, but I know it's been very difficult to stop. There's no medication that you can take that will stop it. A lot of people with trich take anti depressants or anti anxiety medication. I've tried it, and it only made it worse. What's more, I don't want to have to rely on medication to help me with this. I want my own will power.
It's been a really hard struggle for me, but after starting a hand written journal [twice - once in 2006 and then now] it's been gradually getting better. I've been on my way to pull free since I can remember. I wear hats to keep the temptation away, I tell myself no, I go do some other activity, etc. And you know, I can't even tell you why I do it. I just do it. Some people pick at their skin, or they bite their nails. I pull out my hair and sometimes I consume it. Yes, I eat my hair most times. 85% of trichotillomaniacs mutilate their hair in some way shape or form - it's normal. I mean, it's not, but for a trichster it is. And I worry about Rapunzel Syndrome. Where the hair forms a clump in your stomach and you have to have it surgically removed. I've thought about it many times, and there is no way of getting around it. Whenever I would pull, there was no way I could just not consume it. I can't explain it, but it was a sense of relief when I did consume it.
Everytime I would pull, it would be mostly subconsciously. I'd be watching tv, driving, on the computer, on the phone, reading - something - and there it would be. And each time I would pull, I would have that moment of relief and then I'd become mad at myself for destroying my hair. I want beautiful hair like my friends. But, there is limited things I can do with a thin patch on top. It's gotten a lot better since the 5th grade [I had a huge bald spot]. I read somewhere that it took 21 days to break a habit. So, I started a journal project in 2006 and recorded my feelings, thoughts, when I pulled, etc for 21 days. I fell off the bandwagon pretty quick. That's when I realized that it wasn't a habit, it's a disease.
So, I started, again two weeks ago when my cousin Kat died. I fell off, again after 3 days, but I didn't let it get me down and started, again. Yesterday was my 7th consecutive day of being pull free. It wasn't easy, but I made it with lots of motivation. My next goal is to be 20 days consecutive.
Now you know about my [T] and [RS]. It was hard for me to let anyone know, but in a way I feel better letting y'all know. Now you know a huge part of who I am and what I'm trying not to be.