Hahahahahaha work.
Even if you read nothing else today, read this story.
Today at work, I absolutely crushed a resident under my superior intelligence (or at least superior in comparison).
Two residents, a couple, ages 42 and 41, come to the community pool where I work. How do I know their ages? I glance up from my work to notice that the 41-year-old lady happens to be sporting a 12-pack of Budweiser. She sees me see this, and continues to walk in. This is where I step outside my office, and politely ask "you didn't just take beer into the pool area, did y-" "NO!", she interrupts. I was -50% convinced, given that I had seen the large Budweiser cans exposed from the handle area of the pack.
I walked into the gated pool area, and both of them start whining and huffing before I could even say anything. "We're adults! We know how to be responsible with beer!" "Yeah, we're not gonna trash the pool! Honest!" In my head I'm saying "yeah, responsible... after you just interrupted my question with a lie". I mentally roll my eyes at their whining, and ask them to get the beer out of the pool area. The conversation continues as such:
Woman: "Why should we have to take it out? We're legal!"
Me: "For starters? This is commercial property, and it's illegal to consume alcohol on these premises."
Man: "I'm 42 and she's 41! We'll be fine!"
Me: "Sir, it doesn't matter how old you are, you can't drink in here."
Woman: "Just let us drink in peace! We just want to relax in the pool!"
Me: "Ma'am, please take it out." (pointing to the beer)
Woman: "I don't want to have to go all the way back home!" (They live two blocks away...)
Me: "You can store it in your car, but the rules state that you can't have it in here."
Woman: "Gawd FINE."
So far it just seems like petty bickering, right? Well, the woman picks up the beer and stalks off in a huff. As she walks past me, she snaps "those rules should be posted somewhere so people will know!". Oh man... this part still makes me smile. Why? Because she just walked right between myself and, at four feet distance from me, a GIANT BLUE SIGN WITH THE RULES LISTED ON IT, BOLTED TO THE METAL FENCING AT EYE LEVEL. By giant? I mean this thing is five feet by five feet in size...25 square feet. You can not miss it...unless...
I say to her in retort "you mean these rules, right here?", and point to the sign, specifically pointing to the rule stating that there is to be no alcohol in the pool area. The lady was fucking SPEECHLESS. I couldn't help but smirk as I caught the priceless look on her face, her intelligence completely smeared. She continued to storm out, and muttered something under her breath as she put the beer in her SUV.
As she returned to the pool (and as I was exiting it), she quips back "you know what? You just need to get laid," and slams the gate behind me. "He needs to get laid. He just needs to get laid," she repeats again to her boyfriend/husband/whatever. There seems to be a mental lapse with this woman, in the fact that she's also forgetting that I'm the FUCKING LANDLORD. I enter back into the pool area, and say to the woman "you need to watch your mouth in this pool or you're going to be out of it".
Just then, as if the deities themselves decided to smile upon me, I was given yet another opening to completely humiliate this woman's intelligence, thus reaffirming her foot-in-mouth disease.
Woman: "I have a right to say what I want! Free speech! It's in the Constitution! Look it up, idiot!"
Me: "Sorry, I can't do that."
Woman: "Oh, then maybe you shouldn't be talking about rules!"
Me: "No, it's just that Free Speech isn't mentioned in the Constitution... it's in the Bill of Rights. The First Amendment."
Woman: "....whatever."
Any person looking at this woman at that moment could tell she was completely at a loss for a comeback. Her brain had just stalled out, and it was written all over her face. As I make my long exit, the lady doesn't say another word to me. As the couple leaves the pool later on, they come into the office to apologize for their behavior. I take the high road, accepting their apology. Besides, I had humiliated her enough... any punishment I issued past that would've just been cruel.
Man I love being smart.
Today at work, I absolutely crushed a resident under my superior intelligence (or at least superior in comparison).
Two residents, a couple, ages 42 and 41, come to the community pool where I work. How do I know their ages? I glance up from my work to notice that the 41-year-old lady happens to be sporting a 12-pack of Budweiser. She sees me see this, and continues to walk in. This is where I step outside my office, and politely ask "you didn't just take beer into the pool area, did y-" "NO!", she interrupts. I was -50% convinced, given that I had seen the large Budweiser cans exposed from the handle area of the pack.
I walked into the gated pool area, and both of them start whining and huffing before I could even say anything. "We're adults! We know how to be responsible with beer!" "Yeah, we're not gonna trash the pool! Honest!" In my head I'm saying "yeah, responsible... after you just interrupted my question with a lie". I mentally roll my eyes at their whining, and ask them to get the beer out of the pool area. The conversation continues as such:
Woman: "Why should we have to take it out? We're legal!"
Me: "For starters? This is commercial property, and it's illegal to consume alcohol on these premises."
Man: "I'm 42 and she's 41! We'll be fine!"
Me: "Sir, it doesn't matter how old you are, you can't drink in here."
Woman: "Just let us drink in peace! We just want to relax in the pool!"
Me: "Ma'am, please take it out." (pointing to the beer)
Woman: "I don't want to have to go all the way back home!" (They live two blocks away...)
Me: "You can store it in your car, but the rules state that you can't have it in here."
Woman: "Gawd FINE."
So far it just seems like petty bickering, right? Well, the woman picks up the beer and stalks off in a huff. As she walks past me, she snaps "those rules should be posted somewhere so people will know!". Oh man... this part still makes me smile. Why? Because she just walked right between myself and, at four feet distance from me, a GIANT BLUE SIGN WITH THE RULES LISTED ON IT, BOLTED TO THE METAL FENCING AT EYE LEVEL. By giant? I mean this thing is five feet by five feet in size...25 square feet. You can not miss it...unless...
I say to her in retort "you mean these rules, right here?", and point to the sign, specifically pointing to the rule stating that there is to be no alcohol in the pool area. The lady was fucking SPEECHLESS. I couldn't help but smirk as I caught the priceless look on her face, her intelligence completely smeared. She continued to storm out, and muttered something under her breath as she put the beer in her SUV.
As she returned to the pool (and as I was exiting it), she quips back "you know what? You just need to get laid," and slams the gate behind me. "He needs to get laid. He just needs to get laid," she repeats again to her boyfriend/husband/whatever. There seems to be a mental lapse with this woman, in the fact that she's also forgetting that I'm the FUCKING LANDLORD. I enter back into the pool area, and say to the woman "you need to watch your mouth in this pool or you're going to be out of it".
Just then, as if the deities themselves decided to smile upon me, I was given yet another opening to completely humiliate this woman's intelligence, thus reaffirming her foot-in-mouth disease.
Woman: "I have a right to say what I want! Free speech! It's in the Constitution! Look it up, idiot!"
Me: "Sorry, I can't do that."
Woman: "Oh, then maybe you shouldn't be talking about rules!"
Me: "No, it's just that Free Speech isn't mentioned in the Constitution... it's in the Bill of Rights. The First Amendment."
Woman: "....whatever."
Any person looking at this woman at that moment could tell she was completely at a loss for a comeback. Her brain had just stalled out, and it was written all over her face. As I make my long exit, the lady doesn't say another word to me. As the couple leaves the pool later on, they come into the office to apologize for their behavior. I take the high road, accepting their apology. Besides, I had humiliated her enough... any punishment I issued past that would've just been cruel.
Man I love being smart.