Henchmen #10: Big Night Out
TITLE: Big Night Out
AUTHOR: whomii2
DISCLAIMER: do not own
SUMMARY: 10th in the Henchman series. Our gang enjoy some rewards for their dastardly deeds
It was Elias who had gotten them into it, so John supposed in a round-about way he was responsible.
John really should thank the balding Super Villain for that.
Maybe John should whack someone for him? Usually John wouldn't infringe on Scarface's territory, but Anthony was still recovering from the latest assassination attempt. Of course Elias had rained fiery hell down on those who had conspired to take him out, but a few had slipped through his net.
John was sure Finch would be able to track down one for him, but then how to take the fugitive out? Well Elias had always had a fondness for car bombs.....Although maybe it would be better to just kneecap the guy and drop him off for Anthony to deal with, make it a combined 'Thank You' and 'Get Well Soon' gift.
Elias had mentioned during one of the Monday night chess games that he had put forth Harold's name for membership in the Villains Club. Harold was dubious at first, but Elias reassured him that this wasn't about an unholy alliance, but more of a social club for like-minded individuals. Harold would only be required to pay some nominal dues and commit at least 1 major or 3 minor public evil deeds per year, and he would remain a member in good standing and be invited to the semi-annual get togethers. The fees were paid to an independent legal firm for the expenses incurred by the meetings. None of the members would therefore be tempted to steal the money, as that would then deprive them of a good party and also make them look cheap to their peers. It was an almost universal truth that Super Villains had lonely childhoods. So they wouldn't want to miss their chance to go to a party where they were part of the 'In Crowd' (Super Villains after all were the Rock Stars of the Evil community) and discuss their passion for evil with like-minded individuals.
It all sounded much better to Reese than the conventions sponsored by the various Evil Organizations, which tended toward boring seminars and were more of a punishment than a party.
The best news about the upcoming assembly was that it would include the annual Villains' Choice Awards - and they had won one! They would receive a small trophy for 'Most Creative Use of Lasers by a Cult or Group of Less than 35 Members'. John remembered that mission fondly. It had been rather spectacular, even taking his mind off his lack of a light saber for a while.
But this would be their first appearance at one of the Villains Club events, and John wanted to be sure that he was well prepared. So he took Scarface aside during the next chess meeting and grilled the man about what to expect. Fortunately his sometime rival was feeling well disposed toward John due the traitorous goon he had tracked down and gifted to Anthony and Elias for their revenge.
John took copious notes as the other man talked, but one item Scarface mentioned was a particular concern. He waited until after Elias and Scarface had left before going down to discuss the matter with Finch in the main laboratory.
“Harold, if you have a moment I'd like to discuss our appearance at the upcoming awards....”
“I am glad you brought that up Mr. Reese, I have already made some arrangements” and Finch darted into the back room of his lab, returning with a handfull of clothes on hangers.
“I believe our best choice is classic black with satin notch lapel. Bespoke of course. And I assume you know how to tie one of these?”
“I was an international spy, of course I know how to tie one.”
“Good, then you can help your comrade.”
“Fusco can't tie a bow tie?” John asked slightly incredulously.
“I was referring to Bear” Finch said with a slight frown, as he shuffled the hangers to bring forth an oddly cut tuxedo jacket, shorter than most and flared at the bottom and with a sort-of white dickey instead of the usual shirt. John quickly decided that while he might tie the bowtie, Fusco could try and wrestle the velociraptor into the rest of the outfit.
John complimented Finch on his choice of outfit before voicing the real problem with the event. Each Super Villain would be attending with an entourage, and it was important that the number included was just right - too many and they would look like they were overcompensating for something, too few and they would just appear pathetic. From his talk with Scarface John had learned that 5 was the optimal number, which meant that even if they included Bear as a minion instead of his rightful position as mascot they would still come up short. It was a poor time to try and recruit with so little time for vetting ahead of the Awards.
Elias had been established for quite a while; he had been a mob boss before his emergence as a Super Villain and therefore had a large array of minions. Anthony had plenty to choose from when drafting Elias' entourage. Harold had only recently joined the ranks of Super Villains, and was much more selective in his recruiting. John was also leery about adding new people who might not fit well with their current little group.
It might seem that the concentration of villains at the event would be a bonanza for Law Enforcement to swoop in and make arrests. But a veritable army of officers would be required to take on the large group of villains, and the ensuing throw down would not be pretty. In order to save the city from the fallout of such a confrontation the Villains Club meetings now had a sort of amnesty. And Law Enforcement ensured that no Super Heros crashed the party-the costumed vigilantes of course could not be expected to act with any professional decorum, and their presence in the midst of a bunch of Super Villains was akin to throwing a lighted match in a vat of gasoline.
Of course there was still a Law Enforcement presence from the various agencies at the Villains Club events. They went undercover as wait staff, trying to pick up any useful intel. Which meant that the Villains could not only enjoy partying with their peers, they could gloat over being served by their enemies.
You might think that that might rankle the Law Enforcement officers, but you would be wrong. A trait common among villains was a lust for the good things in life and a tendency to excess. So the buffet at the events was stocked with the most expensive gourmet food and alcohol they could obtain. Since another trait the villains shared was paranoia, most of the food and drink went untouched. Meaning the agents could enjoy the leftover bonanza while comparing notes after the event was over. Many of the agents pulled strings to try and be assigned to surveillance duty, knowing it would result in a free vacation. The events were always held at 5-star hotels, the Super Villains were always too busy partying to pull off any heists, and the agents could enjoy their own after party once the Villains had gone home. It was a win-win for everyone.
The night of the awards show they gathered together and Harold gave everyone a last critical evaluation before they set off. He had worked wonders to ensure that their numbers had been expanded to 5 minions by the addition of 3 robots. Fusco had named the additions Rocky, Robbie, and Claude (although he had really been calling the last one 'clod' for stepping on his foot when Harold had walked in and misconstrued what was said. Since then the name had stuck). John congratulated Harold on managing to fabricate the robots so quickly. Finch simply sighed and said that the hardest part was getting his tailor to get their tuxes finished on time. Harold had even been forced to make the last few alterations himself.
The night was a spectacular success. They all proudly gathered on stage to accept their award. Finch stepped forward to give a brief but tasteful acceptance speech. John got a little teary eyed when his boss thanked his team - he had never gotten that sort of recognition at his previous organization.
Of course Harold had thanked his parents first, but that wasn't unusual. Almost every acceptance speech of the evening had included a shout out to the winner's mother. It seemed Super Villains really did love their mummies, and not just the creepy undead ones.
When they had headed back to their seats Harold's agent, Zoe, had surprised him with a celebratory kiss on the cheek. John had been impressed when he had been introduced to her a while back - apparently she had been instrumental in making the arrangements for the secret lab in the hideout. Elias had suggested her to Harold when Finch turned down his offer of a job and said he would be striking out on his own. Elias said that she was an eager up-and-comer and would be a great facilitator for Harold's start-up business. She had attended the awards event as one of several interested third parties peripherally involved in the evil business, and had been so thrilled that her newest client had won such recognition in his first year of operation that she momentarily let her professionalism slip. Harold had been flustered and distracted by the attention, which led to what shortly followed.
As great as winning the award had been, John would have to say that the highlight of the evening for him was Bear snacking on Blofeld's cat. Served the jealous jerk right for casting aspersions on Harold's villainy! Its not like Blofeld would have been eligible for the award considering the size of SPECTRE.
“Eeewww. How tacky!” Harold exclaimed as Bear burped out the poor cat's sparkly collar. At a signal from John, Fusco hustled Finch and the unrepentant and still hungry Bear away. Lionel pulled out his Naked Ray Gun to discourage any of the SPECTRE grunts from making a move. After all, getting shot was all par for the course for a minion. But being naked in front of a crowd of your peers and boss was the stuff of nightmares! Meanwhile Elias stepped forward to smooth things over for his favorite frenemy while Harold made his escape.
“Such a tragedy. Perhaps a donation in the pet's honor would make you feel better. There is this one website I'm familiar with...” and Blofeld was successfully distracted by the image of Gramma Moses' cute kitten on Elias' tablet. Behind his back Reese shared a fist bump with Scarface.
Trust Elias to add insult to injury under the guise of “helping” the jerk out.
AUTHOR: whomii2
DISCLAIMER: do not own
SUMMARY: 10th in the Henchman series. Our gang enjoy some rewards for their dastardly deeds
It was Elias who had gotten them into it, so John supposed in a round-about way he was responsible.
John really should thank the balding Super Villain for that.
Maybe John should whack someone for him? Usually John wouldn't infringe on Scarface's territory, but Anthony was still recovering from the latest assassination attempt. Of course Elias had rained fiery hell down on those who had conspired to take him out, but a few had slipped through his net.
John was sure Finch would be able to track down one for him, but then how to take the fugitive out? Well Elias had always had a fondness for car bombs.....Although maybe it would be better to just kneecap the guy and drop him off for Anthony to deal with, make it a combined 'Thank You' and 'Get Well Soon' gift.
Elias had mentioned during one of the Monday night chess games that he had put forth Harold's name for membership in the Villains Club. Harold was dubious at first, but Elias reassured him that this wasn't about an unholy alliance, but more of a social club for like-minded individuals. Harold would only be required to pay some nominal dues and commit at least 1 major or 3 minor public evil deeds per year, and he would remain a member in good standing and be invited to the semi-annual get togethers. The fees were paid to an independent legal firm for the expenses incurred by the meetings. None of the members would therefore be tempted to steal the money, as that would then deprive them of a good party and also make them look cheap to their peers. It was an almost universal truth that Super Villains had lonely childhoods. So they wouldn't want to miss their chance to go to a party where they were part of the 'In Crowd' (Super Villains after all were the Rock Stars of the Evil community) and discuss their passion for evil with like-minded individuals.
It all sounded much better to Reese than the conventions sponsored by the various Evil Organizations, which tended toward boring seminars and were more of a punishment than a party.
The best news about the upcoming assembly was that it would include the annual Villains' Choice Awards - and they had won one! They would receive a small trophy for 'Most Creative Use of Lasers by a Cult or Group of Less than 35 Members'. John remembered that mission fondly. It had been rather spectacular, even taking his mind off his lack of a light saber for a while.
But this would be their first appearance at one of the Villains Club events, and John wanted to be sure that he was well prepared. So he took Scarface aside during the next chess meeting and grilled the man about what to expect. Fortunately his sometime rival was feeling well disposed toward John due the traitorous goon he had tracked down and gifted to Anthony and Elias for their revenge.
John took copious notes as the other man talked, but one item Scarface mentioned was a particular concern. He waited until after Elias and Scarface had left before going down to discuss the matter with Finch in the main laboratory.
“Harold, if you have a moment I'd like to discuss our appearance at the upcoming awards....”
“I am glad you brought that up Mr. Reese, I have already made some arrangements” and Finch darted into the back room of his lab, returning with a handfull of clothes on hangers.
“I believe our best choice is classic black with satin notch lapel. Bespoke of course. And I assume you know how to tie one of these?”
“I was an international spy, of course I know how to tie one.”
“Good, then you can help your comrade.”
“Fusco can't tie a bow tie?” John asked slightly incredulously.
“I was referring to Bear” Finch said with a slight frown, as he shuffled the hangers to bring forth an oddly cut tuxedo jacket, shorter than most and flared at the bottom and with a sort-of white dickey instead of the usual shirt. John quickly decided that while he might tie the bowtie, Fusco could try and wrestle the velociraptor into the rest of the outfit.
John complimented Finch on his choice of outfit before voicing the real problem with the event. Each Super Villain would be attending with an entourage, and it was important that the number included was just right - too many and they would look like they were overcompensating for something, too few and they would just appear pathetic. From his talk with Scarface John had learned that 5 was the optimal number, which meant that even if they included Bear as a minion instead of his rightful position as mascot they would still come up short. It was a poor time to try and recruit with so little time for vetting ahead of the Awards.
Elias had been established for quite a while; he had been a mob boss before his emergence as a Super Villain and therefore had a large array of minions. Anthony had plenty to choose from when drafting Elias' entourage. Harold had only recently joined the ranks of Super Villains, and was much more selective in his recruiting. John was also leery about adding new people who might not fit well with their current little group.
It might seem that the concentration of villains at the event would be a bonanza for Law Enforcement to swoop in and make arrests. But a veritable army of officers would be required to take on the large group of villains, and the ensuing throw down would not be pretty. In order to save the city from the fallout of such a confrontation the Villains Club meetings now had a sort of amnesty. And Law Enforcement ensured that no Super Heros crashed the party-the costumed vigilantes of course could not be expected to act with any professional decorum, and their presence in the midst of a bunch of Super Villains was akin to throwing a lighted match in a vat of gasoline.
Of course there was still a Law Enforcement presence from the various agencies at the Villains Club events. They went undercover as wait staff, trying to pick up any useful intel. Which meant that the Villains could not only enjoy partying with their peers, they could gloat over being served by their enemies.
You might think that that might rankle the Law Enforcement officers, but you would be wrong. A trait common among villains was a lust for the good things in life and a tendency to excess. So the buffet at the events was stocked with the most expensive gourmet food and alcohol they could obtain. Since another trait the villains shared was paranoia, most of the food and drink went untouched. Meaning the agents could enjoy the leftover bonanza while comparing notes after the event was over. Many of the agents pulled strings to try and be assigned to surveillance duty, knowing it would result in a free vacation. The events were always held at 5-star hotels, the Super Villains were always too busy partying to pull off any heists, and the agents could enjoy their own after party once the Villains had gone home. It was a win-win for everyone.
The night of the awards show they gathered together and Harold gave everyone a last critical evaluation before they set off. He had worked wonders to ensure that their numbers had been expanded to 5 minions by the addition of 3 robots. Fusco had named the additions Rocky, Robbie, and Claude (although he had really been calling the last one 'clod' for stepping on his foot when Harold had walked in and misconstrued what was said. Since then the name had stuck). John congratulated Harold on managing to fabricate the robots so quickly. Finch simply sighed and said that the hardest part was getting his tailor to get their tuxes finished on time. Harold had even been forced to make the last few alterations himself.
The night was a spectacular success. They all proudly gathered on stage to accept their award. Finch stepped forward to give a brief but tasteful acceptance speech. John got a little teary eyed when his boss thanked his team - he had never gotten that sort of recognition at his previous organization.
Of course Harold had thanked his parents first, but that wasn't unusual. Almost every acceptance speech of the evening had included a shout out to the winner's mother. It seemed Super Villains really did love their mummies, and not just the creepy undead ones.
When they had headed back to their seats Harold's agent, Zoe, had surprised him with a celebratory kiss on the cheek. John had been impressed when he had been introduced to her a while back - apparently she had been instrumental in making the arrangements for the secret lab in the hideout. Elias had suggested her to Harold when Finch turned down his offer of a job and said he would be striking out on his own. Elias said that she was an eager up-and-comer and would be a great facilitator for Harold's start-up business. She had attended the awards event as one of several interested third parties peripherally involved in the evil business, and had been so thrilled that her newest client had won such recognition in his first year of operation that she momentarily let her professionalism slip. Harold had been flustered and distracted by the attention, which led to what shortly followed.
As great as winning the award had been, John would have to say that the highlight of the evening for him was Bear snacking on Blofeld's cat. Served the jealous jerk right for casting aspersions on Harold's villainy! Its not like Blofeld would have been eligible for the award considering the size of SPECTRE.
“Eeewww. How tacky!” Harold exclaimed as Bear burped out the poor cat's sparkly collar. At a signal from John, Fusco hustled Finch and the unrepentant and still hungry Bear away. Lionel pulled out his Naked Ray Gun to discourage any of the SPECTRE grunts from making a move. After all, getting shot was all par for the course for a minion. But being naked in front of a crowd of your peers and boss was the stuff of nightmares! Meanwhile Elias stepped forward to smooth things over for his favorite frenemy while Harold made his escape.
“Such a tragedy. Perhaps a donation in the pet's honor would make you feel better. There is this one website I'm familiar with...” and Blofeld was successfully distracted by the image of Gramma Moses' cute kitten on Elias' tablet. Behind his back Reese shared a fist bump with Scarface.
Trust Elias to add insult to injury under the guise of “helping” the jerk out.