teaching
Today my boss told me he wasn't going to have me teach the 9th/10th grade summer class he'd had me sub for yesterday. I knew it was coming; I know I don't have the experience the parents are looking for...but still I was disappointed. I wanted to cry.
I can only hope that the teacher who will be taking my place is a true English teacher...otherwise I'd be pretty upset if a Math teacher were teaching a class I know I'm qualified for.
I guess really it just means that I want to teach. I want to keep talking about literature and learning about things and telling others about them. I read the first 8 "chapters" of Flowers For Algernon and got to figure stuff out on my own, without consulting a book or a teacher. It felt great. I was so excited to teach the kids about it tomorrow.
I can't decide if I hate my hot boss or not! I think he sees me as really young and inexperienced; I think often because I appear so timid I am seen as inept. I have to prove myself a lot. I have to prove myself to my parents and my friends, and whenever I start a job somewhere new, I have to prove myself there, too.
For some reason, whenever I start somewhere, I am on shaky ground. It's a curse to appear too confident, because I myself am never quite sure that I could do whatever the task is at hand. So I go in a bit frightened, and end up finding out what I need to do. Then I go for it. I was SO excited about teaching that class tomorrow!
And today I subbed for a Pre-Algebra class for the 2nd time and even though I messed up, I felt like I was making a connection with the kids, and actually teaching them some things. It was the greatest feeling in the world. I think if I could work on my presentation, I could definitely be a good teacher simply because I love it so much.
Sadly, I have a while to go before I am an actual teacher. Sure, by this time next year (if I'm still with the company) I could be teaching English courses in the summer for Gate Education, but I still have a few years before I'm qualified to teach at the university level; and THAT is what I really want to do.
I think patience is a never-ending lesson God is teaching me. Patience with family, with friends, with desires, with myself. I know I will not change and get better overnight, or even in a couple of months. I see some Christians who are on fire, lit like a cannon and off to a great start. They are passionate and so beautiful in their desire to love God and know Him more. I wish I could be that motivated, that healed, that ok with life and myself to run unbridled toward Him.
Even though I still feel uneasy and unsure of myself, I know I can trust God. I hope with time the trusting in Him will purge me of being so unconfident and negative about the state of my mind and my emotions.
Thank God for God.
I can only hope that the teacher who will be taking my place is a true English teacher...otherwise I'd be pretty upset if a Math teacher were teaching a class I know I'm qualified for.
I guess really it just means that I want to teach. I want to keep talking about literature and learning about things and telling others about them. I read the first 8 "chapters" of Flowers For Algernon and got to figure stuff out on my own, without consulting a book or a teacher. It felt great. I was so excited to teach the kids about it tomorrow.
I can't decide if I hate my hot boss or not! I think he sees me as really young and inexperienced; I think often because I appear so timid I am seen as inept. I have to prove myself a lot. I have to prove myself to my parents and my friends, and whenever I start a job somewhere new, I have to prove myself there, too.
For some reason, whenever I start somewhere, I am on shaky ground. It's a curse to appear too confident, because I myself am never quite sure that I could do whatever the task is at hand. So I go in a bit frightened, and end up finding out what I need to do. Then I go for it. I was SO excited about teaching that class tomorrow!
And today I subbed for a Pre-Algebra class for the 2nd time and even though I messed up, I felt like I was making a connection with the kids, and actually teaching them some things. It was the greatest feeling in the world. I think if I could work on my presentation, I could definitely be a good teacher simply because I love it so much.
Sadly, I have a while to go before I am an actual teacher. Sure, by this time next year (if I'm still with the company) I could be teaching English courses in the summer for Gate Education, but I still have a few years before I'm qualified to teach at the university level; and THAT is what I really want to do.
I think patience is a never-ending lesson God is teaching me. Patience with family, with friends, with desires, with myself. I know I will not change and get better overnight, or even in a couple of months. I see some Christians who are on fire, lit like a cannon and off to a great start. They are passionate and so beautiful in their desire to love God and know Him more. I wish I could be that motivated, that healed, that ok with life and myself to run unbridled toward Him.
Even though I still feel uneasy and unsure of myself, I know I can trust God. I hope with time the trusting in Him will purge me of being so unconfident and negative about the state of my mind and my emotions.
Thank God for God.