private | unhackablehonestlyrubbishAugust 7 2009, 17:16:23 UTC
I know, Harry. But all of you also have your own concerns, and I want to be able to try and... carry what I can without then burdening all of you as well. Just feeling out how much I can carry. I really did think everything was okay, on my end, until recently discovering that I haven't been going about it as well as I'd thought.
...if it's too much hassle, it's better if I don't Perhaps he needs something to do, I just... well, I honestly wish this weren't it, but. You do know Sirius better than I do. And Wolfsbane would be needed because it isn't something that he simply takes a couple of days before the full moon.
...you really don't see any problems with taking Claire with us? Being indestructible doesn't erase all other problems. She can defend herself in the sense that she won't be hurt. But she can't defend herself in battle or keep herself from getting captured by the monsters down there in a way which might put all of our lives at stake. And that isn't the whole of the reservations I have, either.
In a world where everything else is unfamiliar to him, I just think that maybe falling upon old habits may eventually be something he turns to. Under pressure, or because we won't let him alone. Not habits from Voldemort's regime, but... well, he never did like any of us much even before all of that surfaced for him, again.
private | unhackablewholivedagainAugust 7 2009, 17:25:34 UTC
I don't really have all that many concerns. Aside from finding a way to spend time with Ginny, and making sure Sirius has something to do. I'm not running anything right now. I can handle it.
What else can we do, Hermione? Start a business? Play quidditch and hope our shoes don't turn into something out of an old film? At least here, Sirius has something to do. And er-I always thought it was something that came before, rather than after, the full moon. Though it might be better if you don't come, with how you've been. You don't need to sort everything out for us. With Claire's help, I've got everything handled; I wouldn't want you to have to leave work and worry. We can do this.
She's familiar with it and I want her to go. She's afraid to do things with her powers because she hasn't had good experiences before. I haven't either, so I thought she could help. I don't think she's as defenceless as you're making her seem. And she offered, so it's really not fair to say no. She's coming, and that's that.
He needs lackeys, and I somehow doubt anyone here is going to run along and do whatever Malfoy asks. I'm not worried.
private | unhackablehonestlyrubbishAugust 7 2009, 17:39:23 UTC
That's not what I mean, Harry. You obviously have a lot of things on your mind--the very fact that you're ready to go down into the Underground for something we don't necessarily know that we have to change, for something which may in fact backfire on all of us and get us killed when we don't even know if this place in general is bad on face, shows that. And frankly, I don't think it's up to any of us to give Sirius... assignments like that. If this is really for his sake, he needed to have a hand in seeing how it would go. If he hasn't, then it's for your sake, which is fine and I would never want to do anything to bar that, but it still must be approached with caution. Remember Godric's Hollow.
We can keep ourselves together and start working on getting ourselves mentally to a better place. Ginny's birthday is on Tuesday. All of us worked so hard to get away from the heat of the battle, and it just seems like... you're asking us to do this because it's familiar to you.
The potion isn't entirely the same as regular Wolfsbane. Sn-- Severus changed it over the months he was here, adding certain things to help Remus with adjustment and central nervous system depression. I could explain it all, but suffice it to say that he is taking things after the full moon so that the change isn't too jarring. Calming the nerves, if nothing else.
You don't think I'd be useful. This is why I didn't know if I could talk to you about this, Harry. You can't always handle things yourself, and Claire hasn't known you for all these years, and... god, with how I've been, the last thing that I want is ...please don't ask me to stay back when you're about to embark on something dangerous, Harry.
I still don't see the logic in bringing her. You've said no to plenty of people before, and you used to listen more carefully to things others had to say. Though if she would be going anyway, of course we can't stop her, as it's her own decision.
private | unhackablewholivedagainAugust 7 2009, 18:25:42 UTC
It's not an assignment, Hermione! If he knew about it, he'd want to do it, too. We are approaching with caution, that's why we're bringing someone else with us.
This isn't just because it's familiar, either. It might be, but there aren't things here that allow us to live an easy life. You should know that. You've done the research, haven't you? I'm not doing this just because I want to, and if it sounds like that, then I will go down there alone.
It sounds like you'd prefer none of us to go. Then I'll sit around, is that what you want to hear? Since it sounds like I'm just doing this because it's familiar.
It's different this time. We've seen loads of people fight because they wanted to, and because they could. And we'd turned down some of them before, too. None of you know what I've seen.
private | unhackablehonestlyrubbishAugust 7 2009, 18:59:05 UTC
You haven't even asked him, Harry. That's what makes it seem like an assignment, not whether or not he would agree or would want to do it, because I don't know him well enough to judge either of those things. We're not approaching with the sort of caution we have before. Bringing an extra person doesn't equate to caution. It was weeks before we invaded the Ministry, and I just don't... I honestly don't understand why you're not granting me any of that luxury, here.
I've done the research. And what I've concluded is that I don't necessarily know if the deities are as malicious as they seem. The possibility of a separate dimension where people group together is not one we would brush aside, being from where we are, and maybe disrupting that is worse for our world. I'm not asking you to sit around forever, Harry. I'm not. I'm just saying that we can't operate under the same assumptions that we did at home, that poking around and tampering can come first.
No. None of us know what you've seen in your time, nor even all of the things that occurred in earlier years. I know that you've been through more than the rest of us and I have faith in you for it. But it won't make any of us feel better if you don't at least explain what you've seen, or why you're so... or why you refuse to acknowledge our concerns.
private | unhackablewholivedagainAugust 7 2009, 19:06:11 UTC
I know him, Hermione. He'd want to go-and look, he does. Realise that I know what I'm doing. I have defeated Voldemort, after all.
That's a lot of "maybes." I'd like to find out for certain, and I don't think that they're harmless. You can be happy with how things are, but I won't be.
I've explained, Hermione! I told you all everything, and you should know the last thing I want to do is cause more trouble. But none of us are doing okay. That includes you, or else you wouldn't be working so hard to make everything better and needing to do that.
I'm giving you an out because I don't want you to feel like you need to take this all on your shoulders. I don't mind it, and I want it.
private | unhackablehonestlyrubbishAugust 7 2009, 19:13:59 UTC
Yes, but he also made it clear that you shouldn't underestimate him. And you've-- Harry, the whole point of the war was that we won because we worked together. Professor Dumbledore--don't you think that he had you tell Ron and I what you were planning on for a reason? Regardless of whether or not Voldemort's the threat here, the idea still holds.
You're not giving me an out. You are pushing me to the side because I don't fully agree with your tactics and you want everything now. Do you think any of us have been entirely happy with the way things happen here? With the way things progress at home? But yes, I have tried to form a way of life here that would ensure my not getting killed so that I could get back to you at home and help you. Remus and Sirius are from even earlier--who knows what might go wrong if they were killed here in the City? We need to get together and discuss the sorts of monsters we've seen down there, the sorts of spells that work or don't down there. I do think all of us should meet together.
Refusing that, or insisting that this is right regardless, is what would put more on my shoulders, Harry. Feeling like I let you down, that's going to put more on my shoulders. That's why I'm feeling any of this at all.
private | unhackablewholivedagainAugust 7 2009, 19:21:37 UTC
We are working together. That's why I want you to come with me to figure out what's going on down there. I'd already be gone and on my way and not bothering to argue if I wanted to go this alone. I don't. I'm not underestimating him, but we know what happens, Hermione. I-I'm not going to let that happen here, not if I can help it. If it means doing things in the Underground and figuring out things in the City on our own, then we will.
I'm not pushing you to the side, either! I don't want you killed. And from how Claire's talking about it, we don't know what monsters will be down there. We didn't know a lot of things, when we were looking for the horcruxes, but we managed it. We can manage this. I just don't want you to feel like you need to do everything, and come back and start taking that potion again.
We can meet tonight. And discuss before the strange batch of curses settle in. But we aren't spending weeks planning this. I don't think that's what it needs.
private | unhackablehonestlyrubbishAugust 7 2009, 19:30:45 UTC
It just... Harry, please understand. I want to go with you, and I'm not as shaken as you think I am for having taken a calming draught. I just can't handle the thought of letting either you or Ron down, or any of the others--I don't want to be considered a lead weight. That's why I've been doing any of this at all, taking the calming draught and turning to what I'm more accustomed to--brewing potions, trying to come up with new spells, things that could help us in the event that certain people arrive in the City again. Bellatrix Lestrange has been here. And Tom Riddle has been here. And the prospect of either of them turning up terrifies me, it truly does, so I do what I do and try to fortify our defenses.
It simply feels that a lot of what you've said, the way that you've brought it to the table... we need to get Sirius a wand. We need to have Claire meet the others. We need to lay down some sort of plans, and even if you don't think that this requires weeks--which I feel it might, having been here for months and still not finding an appropriate way to get down there--we do at least need to take several hours and talk to one another. Ron still doesn't think it's a good idea at all, and he's been here longer than any of us.
You know that laying down plans makes me feel better. At least let me attempt that, please. If this weekend does have us facing another strange batch of curses, perhaps enough of us will be unaffected that we can still talk through then.
It's such a small thing, in the grand scheme, but I do want Ginny to enjoy her birthday as well.
private | unhackablewholivedagainAugust 7 2009, 19:40:35 UTC
How is that any better than telling me you don't want me to burden myself? That's taking it all out of my hands, like I can't handle it myself! And Ron can't, either. When have we ever seen you as a dead weight? That's right: never. We've done everything together, and now it sounds like you're trying to do everything yourself. If Bellatrix turns up, we'll handle her. If Tom Riddle shows up, we'll handle him. It's not like it'll be any different than what we've done at home. It won't be easy because things never are.
We do need Sirius to have a wand, but Remus and I are working on that. What plans are needed if we can't be sure? We stick together, like we always have. Whether it's the Department of Mysteries or if it's the Underground, it doesn't mean we can't come out alive. We will, I'm sure of it.
Then let's hope that most of us will be unaffected. But plans only help if you can come up with a plan, and do you think we can? It isn't always possible to plan, and you know that.
private | unhackablehonestlyrubbishAugust 7 2009, 20:02:11 UTC
Harry, we haven't always handled everything together. There have been missions in the past that only you've been able to go on, perhaps only you and Dumbledore. And there are things that only I can come to grips with, or things I've been entrusted with here that I can't let others know about. Because some people have, surprisingly, put that amount of faith in me as well. I want to be forthright with my burdens. I do. But I'm not ready for all of that yet. I will let you know the moment that I am, and I didn't want it to be yet, but the curse had me loose-lipped, more than normal. There are some things I will need to be reassured of myself, before I can turn to you and Ron.
So at least don't try and suggest that I stay out of this, because words are one thing, and being able to physically help is another. I haven't been completely fine since leaving Malfoy Manor. But I want to work on that.
There's always some amount that we can plan, Harry. I gave you the notes I have on the clock so far. I think that perhaps even tonight, all of us should go to the carousel, which is connected to the clock but in the Overground, thus leaving out any monsters we might have to deal with. Just... brainstorming. These things are always possible.
private | unhackablewholivedagainAugust 7 2009, 20:14:43 UTC
But when you could know about them, you knew! And when you could be there, Hermione, you were. Coming up with a plan to handle Tom Riddle or Bellatrix Lestrange ... I feel like that's something we should be doing together. Fine, then. We won't do anything together if it comes to you. Only if I want to do something. But remember not to tell me that again.
None of us were fine, but we fought on. This place shouldn't change that.
private | unhackablehonestlyrubbishAugust 7 2009, 20:23:40 UTC
Harry, for Merlin's sake, listen to me. Coming up with a plan for handling Tom Riddle or Bellatrix Lestrange isn't something I've tackled. I don't have a plan for either of them, and I wasn't able to come up with one when they were here because Severus took everything into his own hands. The only things that I've done are try to brew Veritaserum, try to look for the ingredients for a fair number of other products the twins made, in case they should come in handy--and I've noticed that none of the rest of us here are really adept at potions, so what would going to Ron and you have done? Yes, I've wondered if they might help in the event that anyone else show up. No, I haven't come up with anything to bring to the table, and I haven't brought that up because I haven't had the time to really think carefully in the middle of perfecting Remus' potion, or in... talking with Sirius, or even since you mentioned first the possibility of looking at the clock. The only things I've dealt with personally are studies and research I promised other people. I don't want to deal with anyone else alone.
None of us were fine, but we fought on, only we knew what greater purpose we were fighting for. This place ought to make us more cautious.
I don't know what the carousel will do. I've never examined it personally, didn't think that bothering would be necessary at all until Remus arrived and I realized that it was another option.
private | unhackablehonestlyrubbishAugust 7 2009, 21:12:53 UTC
Because there are lots of situations which may require anyone telling the truth, and I haven't mastered the potion at all so what harm is there in at least trying? And I'm talking--
Harry, I didn't say that we shouldn't... I told you that I just want us to come together this weekend and think it through. Look, I'll... I'm sorry that I'm being so hard, and seemingly unreasonable about all of this. But you don't sound convinced, so please don't just change your decision on the turn of a coin. Please. Let's talk some of this through. I'm sorry for getting mad and defensive. I am.
We need to practice certain spells this weekend. Stunning, Impediment Curses, Shield Charms, Four-Point... and I think Apparating is also important. Should we try and teach Ginny how to, over the weekend? She and Claire might do best with partners, so that they can side-along.
...if it's too much hassle, it's better if I don't Perhaps he needs something to do, I just... well, I honestly wish this weren't it, but. You do know Sirius better than I do. And Wolfsbane would be needed because it isn't something that he simply takes a couple of days before the full moon.
...you really don't see any problems with taking Claire with us? Being indestructible doesn't erase all other problems. She can defend herself in the sense that she won't be hurt. But she can't defend herself in battle or keep herself from getting captured by the monsters down there in a way which might put all of our lives at stake. And that isn't the whole of the reservations I have, either.
In a world where everything else is unfamiliar to him, I just think that maybe falling upon old habits may eventually be something he turns to. Under pressure, or because we won't let him alone. Not habits from Voldemort's regime, but... well, he never did like any of us much even before all of that surfaced for him, again.
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What else can we do, Hermione? Start a business? Play quidditch and hope our shoes don't turn into something out of an old film? At least here, Sirius has something to do. And er-I always thought it was something that came before, rather than after, the full moon. Though it might be better if you don't come, with how you've been. You don't need to sort everything out for us. With Claire's help, I've got everything handled; I wouldn't want you to have to leave work and worry. We can do this.
She's familiar with it and I want her to go. She's afraid to do things with her powers because she hasn't had good experiences before. I haven't either, so I thought she could help. I don't think she's as defenceless as you're making her seem. And she offered, so it's really not fair to say no. She's coming, and that's that.
He needs lackeys, and I somehow doubt anyone here is going to run along and do whatever Malfoy asks. I'm not worried.
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We can keep ourselves together and start working on getting ourselves mentally to a better place. Ginny's birthday is on Tuesday. All of us worked so hard to get away from the heat of the battle, and it just seems like... you're asking us to do this because it's familiar to you.
The potion isn't entirely the same as regular Wolfsbane. Sn-- Severus changed it over the months he was here, adding certain things to help Remus with adjustment and central nervous system depression. I could explain it all, but suffice it to say that he is taking things after the full moon so that the change isn't too jarring. Calming the nerves, if nothing else.
You don't think I'd be useful. This is why I didn't know if I could talk to you about this, Harry. You can't always handle things yourself, and Claire hasn't known you for all these years, and... god, with how I've been, the last thing that I want is ...please don't ask me to stay back when you're about to embark on something dangerous, Harry.
I still don't see the logic in bringing her. You've said no to plenty of people before, and you used to listen more carefully to things others had to say. Though if she would be going anyway, of course we can't stop her, as it's her own decision.
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This isn't just because it's familiar, either. It might be, but there aren't things here that allow us to live an easy life. You should know that. You've done the research, haven't you? I'm not doing this just because I want to, and if it sounds like that, then I will go down there alone.
It sounds like you'd prefer none of us to go. Then I'll sit around, is that what you want to hear? Since it sounds like I'm just doing this because it's familiar.
It's different this time. We've seen loads of people fight because they wanted to, and because they could. And we'd turned down some of them before, too. None of you know what I've seen.
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I've done the research. And what I've concluded is that I don't necessarily know if the deities are as malicious as they seem. The possibility of a separate dimension where people group together is not one we would brush aside, being from where we are, and maybe disrupting that is worse for our world. I'm not asking you to sit around forever, Harry. I'm not. I'm just saying that we can't operate under the same assumptions that we did at home, that poking around and tampering can come first.
No. None of us know what you've seen in your time, nor even all of the things that occurred in earlier years. I know that you've been through more than the rest of us and I have faith in you for it. But it won't make any of us feel better if you don't at least explain what you've seen, or why you're so... or why you refuse to acknowledge our concerns.
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That's a lot of "maybes." I'd like to find out for certain, and I don't think that they're harmless. You can be happy with how things are, but I won't be.
I've explained, Hermione! I told you all everything, and you should know the last thing I want to do is cause more trouble. But none of us are doing okay. That includes you, or else you wouldn't be working so hard to make everything better and needing to do that.
I'm giving you an out because I don't want you to feel like you need to take this all on your shoulders. I don't mind it, and I want it.
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You're not giving me an out. You are pushing me to the side because I don't fully agree with your tactics and you want everything now. Do you think any of us have been entirely happy with the way things happen here? With the way things progress at home? But yes, I have tried to form a way of life here that would ensure my not getting killed so that I could get back to you at home and help you. Remus and Sirius are from even earlier--who knows what might go wrong if they were killed here in the City? We need to get together and discuss the sorts of monsters we've seen down there, the sorts of spells that work or don't down there. I do think all of us should meet together.
Refusing that, or insisting that this is right regardless, is what would put more on my shoulders, Harry. Feeling like I let you down, that's going to put more on my shoulders. That's why I'm feeling any of this at all.
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I'm not pushing you to the side, either! I don't want you killed. And from how Claire's talking about it, we don't know what monsters will be down there. We didn't know a lot of things, when we were looking for the horcruxes, but we managed it. We can manage this. I just don't want you to feel like you need to do everything, and come back and start taking that potion again.
We can meet tonight. And discuss before the strange batch of curses settle in. But we aren't spending weeks planning this. I don't think that's what it needs.
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It simply feels that a lot of what you've said, the way that you've brought it to the table... we need to get Sirius a wand. We need to have Claire meet the others. We need to lay down some sort of plans, and even if you don't think that this requires weeks--which I feel it might, having been here for months and still not finding an appropriate way to get down there--we do at least need to take several hours and talk to one another. Ron still doesn't think it's a good idea at all, and he's been here longer than any of us.
You know that laying down plans makes me feel better. At least let me attempt that, please. If this weekend does have us facing another strange batch of curses, perhaps enough of us will be unaffected that we can still talk through then.
It's such a small thing, in the grand scheme, but I do want Ginny to enjoy her birthday as well.
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We do need Sirius to have a wand, but Remus and I are working on that. What plans are needed if we can't be sure? We stick together, like we always have. Whether it's the Department of Mysteries or if it's the Underground, it doesn't mean we can't come out alive. We will, I'm sure of it.
Then let's hope that most of us will be unaffected. But plans only help if you can come up with a plan, and do you think we can? It isn't always possible to plan, and you know that.
I want her to enjoy it, too.
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So at least don't try and suggest that I stay out of this, because words are one thing, and being able to physically help is another. I haven't been completely fine since leaving Malfoy Manor. But I want to work on that.
There's always some amount that we can plan, Harry. I gave you the notes I have on the clock so far. I think that perhaps even tonight, all of us should go to the carousel, which is connected to the clock but in the Overground, thus leaving out any monsters we might have to deal with. Just... brainstorming. These things are always possible.
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None of us were fine, but we fought on. This place shouldn't change that.
What will the carousel do?
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None of us were fine, but we fought on, only we knew what greater purpose we were fighting for. This place ought to make us more cautious.
I don't know what the carousel will do. I've never examined it personally, didn't think that bothering would be necessary at all until Remus arrived and I realized that it was another option.
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Fine, then we'll be more cautious. We won't go.
But we'll at least examine the carousel, though I don't know what good that will do, either.
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Harry, I didn't say that we shouldn't... I told you that I just want us to come together this weekend and think it through. Look, I'll... I'm sorry that I'm being so hard, and seemingly unreasonable about all of this. But you don't sound convinced, so please don't just change your decision on the turn of a coin. Please. Let's talk some of this through. I'm sorry for getting mad and defensive. I am.
We need to practice certain spells this weekend. Stunning, Impediment Curses, Shield Charms, Four-Point... and I think Apparating is also important. Should we try and teach Ginny how to, over the weekend? She and Claire might do best with partners, so that they can side-along.
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