For charloft Write about a stranger who changed your life.
Written for washthedoggie (Takes place a full day before this piece.)
Rosie sat on the couch, curled up and staring at the TV. It was off. It had been the whole time she sat there but she didn’t notice. When Jonna left and didn’t take her along she broke. Something, some part of her no one had ever hurt was pained. Her mom had tried to get her to eat but food had lost its interest. The only place in the world she wanted to be was miles away and beyond her reach.
People were moving around her house but they didn’t matter. She ignored them for the most part. Everything was forsaken in light of the man she wanted walking out of her life again. Her father had walked away before she knew him. Her grandfather had died early on and all her boyfriends had eventually left because while she was fun she was never the skinny girl they took home. Now Jonna walked away. There had to be something wrong with her. She tugged her dress trying to cover her legs. She couldn’t cry anymore but she wanted to desperately. The hurt had to come out.
“What’s wrong with you now!” the loud voice caused Rosie to jump. It was almost unknown but familiar voice.
“Ya got your mama all upset you stupid girl.”
Rosie felt small. She was a big girl... big, fat and ugly but right now she felt like nothing. The tears came again at the harsh words from her father. Why was he even here? Rosie couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him. He hated her.
“You listenin’ to me girl?” He stepped around and she could see his feet there, the oily boots in front of her. She was afraid to look up and let him see the hurt. All she wanted was Jonna to show up and give her a hug. It would make everything better but he was miles away by now.
He shoved her back so she had to look up. Rosie was a lot bigger than the man she was looking at but right now she was so crushed that he seemed to tower there. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Paul! Let her be.” Her mom, Betty, came to her aid. Rosie tensed as she anticipated a fight between her parents. “Can’t you see she’s heartbroken?”
Her father looked down at her with that critical expression he always regarded her with. Something between disgust and disdain was in his gaze. “Bein’ stupid again girl?”
Rosie felt afraid but a thought came up. Stupid? Wanting Jonna was not stupid. She loved him to the point that she felt ill without him. Rosie looked up at her father while the tears stopped.
“What some guy knock you up or beat you?” His words were harsher than ever, not that Rosie could ever remember a kind word from her father. She couldn’t even remember many words at all, harsh or otherwise.
“No.” Rosie spoke quietly, shaky from all the crying.
“What’d you say?” He snapped.
“No.” Rosie’s voice peaked when she thought about her father speaking to her like this. He never cared before and now he was here to tell her she was stupid. “Ain’t stupid. Why don’t ya get ‘way. Don’t never come ‘round. Mama call ya cryin’ cause I ain’t doin’ good?”
Both her parents seemed taken aback by her tone. Rosie had enough. She was raw and hurting in a way she had never felt before. Jonna had broken her and yet she’d do anything to see him again.
“Yes, I called him. I’m worried darling. That singer’s got you upset again and I don’t like seeing you like this.” Her mother was speaking from somewhere behind her. Rosie could imagine her fretting and looking off to avoid letting her see the worry.
“What singer?” Her father seemed to be interested. “You’re such a weak thing. Why couldn’t you have a boy?”
Those words had come out of her father’s mouth so often. She wasn’t a boy and she had tried to be enough in the past but it was never good enough for him. All she wanted was for her dad to do something for her or with her.
“That one she met in England last year.” Her mom seemed tentative about saying it.
“Oh, that rockstar. I told you. You aren’t good enough for a man like that. He got you in bed and now you’re nothing. I told you. Are you stupid?”
Rosie felt weak inside. The little bit of strength she had seemed crushed. The thought of Jonna seeing nothing but a whore or some good time he could have and dump off hurt more than him leaving. She refused to believe it. She couldn’t believe it or she might die. Her voice caught and then she was on her feet. Rosie didn’t know how she stood up but there she was.
“Jonna loves me!” She yelled it at her father. The pain finally had somewhere to go. “Ain’t his fault gotta go on tourin’ an’ I ain’t got no way ta go.”
Rosie felt better but still the ache was still there. Paul was stunned to a quiet, surprised stare.
“You want to go on being his whore?” Her father was spiteful.
“Ain’t no whore.” Rosie snapped.
“Stop calling her that. She’s your daughter.” Betty was distraught by the words that were being said.
“She’s a mistake.”
Rosie couldn’t take this treatment. “You’re the only mistake in our lives.”
The quiet came again but Rosie wouldn’t let it stand. “Ya comin’ here ta put me down and use mama when ya feelin’ like it. Iffin’ anyone treatin’ us like whores it’s you.”
Rosie could have hit him. She wanted to hit him but she wasn’t going to be that person like he was. She remembered the few times he hit her mother, that had been years ago but she remembered still.
“What do the two of you want from me? Ain’t got all day. Load’s due in Texas tomorrow.”
She didn’t hear anything in what he said but the word Texas. “Take me.”
“What’d I do that for?” Her father seemed skeptical but Rosie knew after all of her bribing attempts to get his attention he probably should be.
For the first time since the day before Rosie smiled and felt a little bit of hope. “Please.”
“No. Ain’t comin’”
Rosie would have done anything to get that ride to Texas. Jonna was there in Austin and then Houston. He’d be there all week. “I’ll leave ya ‘lone iffin’ ya take me.”
“Why ya want to go all the way out ta Texas for?”
“Jonna’s out there.” That hope was growing.
“Who’s that? That rockstar you been seeing?” Her father was liking the plan less all the time.
“Rosie, how will you get home?” Her mom kept stressing.
“Jonna’ll bring me back. Come on dad. Won’t haveta see me for weeks iffin’ go out a see Jonna.” Rosie would have begged. She would have done anything to convince her dad to take her on this truck run.
“Alright. I’ll take ya.” She noticed the change in her father. He seemed happier. While she stood there she realized why. Getting rid of her was the only good thing about her. If she would just go away he would like her more. “Well go on. I’m leaving in ten minutes. If you ain’t ready, ain’t going.”
Rosie took off for her room to grab a few things. She tried to tell herself that dad was finally doing something for her. He was doing something to make her happy. She lied to herself as she packed her carry bag. Her whole life had been lies like this. Rosie was used to lying to herself and pretending her life was something better. It was all she knew and she knew it as well as she did the hurt from being away from Jonna all the time.
“Come on!”
The call from the other room pushed her to move faster. In a moment she was back out in the other room. Her mind had settled on her father taking her out to see the man she loved because he wanted her happy. The truth that he was doing it to get rid of her and that her love was really blind obsession was pushed aside. Fantasy was better than reality and would likely continue to be.
She gave her mother a hug. “Love ya mama.”
“Are you going to be ok out there?” Her mother whispered concerned. “You’ll call me?”
“Iffin’ get a chance.” Rosie forced a smile. She had saved up about 200 dollars. Who knew how long that would last once she was out in Texas. “I’ll try.”
“Now.” Her father was demanding she leave.
Rosie let go of her mother and walked tentatively toward her father. She reminded herself that he was taking her to make her happy. She believed it so much that by the time she reached him on instinct she gave her father a hug. They had never hugged. He didn’t return the affection but Rosie didn’t care. She could go on believing this was all going to be ok.
When she stepped outside the 18-wheeler brought a smile. She’d helped him paint this truck even if he’d ignored her the whole time she worked. It was an attempt to get his attention for anything. That attention was hers now. Rosie slung her bag in before climbing into the passenger seat. Her father got in too but took to preparing for the trip without a word.
“How long’s the drive?” Rosie spoke if only to keep the illusion. If she was going to believe he was driving her out of love she would have to make good on being social.
“13 hours.”
Those were the last words. 13 hours, before they were on the road toward Texas. She still didn’t know how to get a ticket but there was time. 13 hours was enough time. Nothing was guaranteed. She didn’t know if she could get a ticket. She didn’t know if Jonna would want to see her. She had no plan of what to do if he really didn’t want her around. She wasn’t even sure if her father would keep his word. He might dump her on the side of the road. The moment the truck engine started Rosie wanted to bolt back inside.
She stayed in her seat for one reason, to see Jonna. She had to even if it ruined her life.
“Ready to drive to Texas?” Her father laughed as the truck lurched forward.
Rosie knew he was laughing at her for being stupid. It was all a big joke on her. Rosie forced a smile and imagined it was the laugh of a father starting a happy trip that was all to make his daughter happy. She could believe it. Her father was happy to be taking her. Jonna would be happy to see her and she would be happy. Rosie waved to her mama out the window before sitting back in her seat.
Rosie looked over at her dad while he steered them away from the house. She hated him and yet she always wanted him to be there. She cared about him in a way but she didn’t know him. Rosie took a deep breath and stared at her hands while picking at the chipped nail polish. She hadn’t brought any along to fix it.
“Thank you.” She mumbled it but she did mean it through all the twisted emotions.
Her father snorted another laugh at her. A little more crushed but she turned her attention elsewhere. 13 hours wasn’t that long to wait. Jonna would hug her then and things would be better. She wouldn't have to worry about being wanted or respected or loved. She wouldn’t have to be someone else. Jonna did all those things and she could wait to be worth something again. It would only be a few hours.
Rosie sat on the couch, curled up and staring at the TV. It was off. It had been the whole time she sat there but she didn’t notice. When Jonna left and didn’t take her along she broke. Something, some part of her no one had ever hurt was pained. Her mom had tried to get her to eat but food had lost its interest. The only place in the world she wanted to be was miles away and beyond her reach.
People were moving around her house but they didn’t matter. She ignored them for the most part. Everything was forsaken in light of the man she wanted walking out of her life again. Her father had walked away before she knew him. Her grandfather had died early on and all her boyfriends had eventually left because while she was fun she was never the skinny girl they took home. Now Jonna walked away. There had to be something wrong with her. She tugged her dress trying to cover her legs. She couldn’t cry anymore but she wanted to desperately. The hurt had to come out.
“What’s wrong with you now!” the loud voice caused Rosie to jump. It was almost unknown but familiar voice.
“Ya got your mama all upset you stupid girl.”
Rosie felt small. She was a big girl... big, fat and ugly but right now she felt like nothing. The tears came again at the harsh words from her father. Why was he even here? Rosie couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him. He hated her.
“You listenin’ to me girl?” He stepped around and she could see his feet there, the oily boots in front of her. She was afraid to look up and let him see the hurt. All she wanted was Jonna to show up and give her a hug. It would make everything better but he was miles away by now.
He shoved her back so she had to look up. Rosie was a lot bigger than the man she was looking at but right now she was so crushed that he seemed to tower there. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Paul! Let her be.” Her mom, Betty, came to her aid. Rosie tensed as she anticipated a fight between her parents. “Can’t you see she’s heartbroken?”
Her father looked down at her with that critical expression he always regarded her with. Something between disgust and disdain was in his gaze. “Bein’ stupid again girl?”
Rosie felt afraid but a thought came up. Stupid? Wanting Jonna was not stupid. She loved him to the point that she felt ill without him. Rosie looked up at her father while the tears stopped.
“What some guy knock you up or beat you?” His words were harsher than ever, not that Rosie could ever remember a kind word from her father. She couldn’t even remember many words at all, harsh or otherwise.
“No.” Rosie spoke quietly, shaky from all the crying.
“What’d you say?” He snapped.
“No.” Rosie’s voice peaked when she thought about her father speaking to her like this. He never cared before and now he was here to tell her she was stupid. “Ain’t stupid. Why don’t ya get ‘way. Don’t never come ‘round. Mama call ya cryin’ cause I ain’t doin’ good?”
Both her parents seemed taken aback by her tone. Rosie had enough. She was raw and hurting in a way she had never felt before. Jonna had broken her and yet she’d do anything to see him again.
“Yes, I called him. I’m worried darling. That singer’s got you upset again and I don’t like seeing you like this.” Her mother was speaking from somewhere behind her. Rosie could imagine her fretting and looking off to avoid letting her see the worry.
“What singer?” Her father seemed to be interested. “You’re such a weak thing. Why couldn’t you have a boy?”
Those words had come out of her father’s mouth so often. She wasn’t a boy and she had tried to be enough in the past but it was never good enough for him. All she wanted was for her dad to do something for her or with her.
“That one she met in England last year.” Her mom seemed tentative about saying it.
“Oh, that rockstar. I told you. You aren’t good enough for a man like that. He got you in bed and now you’re nothing. I told you. Are you stupid?”
Rosie felt weak inside. The little bit of strength she had seemed crushed. The thought of Jonna seeing nothing but a whore or some good time he could have and dump off hurt more than him leaving. She refused to believe it. She couldn’t believe it or she might die. Her voice caught and then she was on her feet. Rosie didn’t know how she stood up but there she was.
“Jonna loves me!” She yelled it at her father. The pain finally had somewhere to go. “Ain’t his fault gotta go on tourin’ an’ I ain’t got no way ta go.”
Rosie felt better but still the ache was still there. Paul was stunned to a quiet, surprised stare.
“You want to go on being his whore?” Her father was spiteful.
“Ain’t no whore.” Rosie snapped.
“Stop calling her that. She’s your daughter.” Betty was distraught by the words that were being said.
“She’s a mistake.”
Rosie couldn’t take this treatment. “You’re the only mistake in our lives.”
The quiet came again but Rosie wouldn’t let it stand. “Ya comin’ here ta put me down and use mama when ya feelin’ like it. Iffin’ anyone treatin’ us like whores it’s you.”
Rosie could have hit him. She wanted to hit him but she wasn’t going to be that person like he was. She remembered the few times he hit her mother, that had been years ago but she remembered still.
“What do the two of you want from me? Ain’t got all day. Load’s due in Texas tomorrow.”
She didn’t hear anything in what he said but the word Texas. “Take me.”
“What’d I do that for?” Her father seemed skeptical but Rosie knew after all of her bribing attempts to get his attention he probably should be.
For the first time since the day before Rosie smiled and felt a little bit of hope. “Please.”
“No. Ain’t comin’”
Rosie would have done anything to get that ride to Texas. Jonna was there in Austin and then Houston. He’d be there all week. “I’ll leave ya ‘lone iffin’ ya take me.”
“Why ya want to go all the way out ta Texas for?”
“Jonna’s out there.” That hope was growing.
“Who’s that? That rockstar you been seeing?” Her father was liking the plan less all the time.
“Rosie, how will you get home?” Her mom kept stressing.
“Jonna’ll bring me back. Come on dad. Won’t haveta see me for weeks iffin’ go out a see Jonna.” Rosie would have begged. She would have done anything to convince her dad to take her on this truck run.
“Alright. I’ll take ya.” She noticed the change in her father. He seemed happier. While she stood there she realized why. Getting rid of her was the only good thing about her. If she would just go away he would like her more. “Well go on. I’m leaving in ten minutes. If you ain’t ready, ain’t going.”
Rosie took off for her room to grab a few things. She tried to tell herself that dad was finally doing something for her. He was doing something to make her happy. She lied to herself as she packed her carry bag. Her whole life had been lies like this. Rosie was used to lying to herself and pretending her life was something better. It was all she knew and she knew it as well as she did the hurt from being away from Jonna all the time.
“Come on!”
The call from the other room pushed her to move faster. In a moment she was back out in the other room. Her mind had settled on her father taking her out to see the man she loved because he wanted her happy. The truth that he was doing it to get rid of her and that her love was really blind obsession was pushed aside. Fantasy was better than reality and would likely continue to be.
She gave her mother a hug. “Love ya mama.”
“Are you going to be ok out there?” Her mother whispered concerned. “You’ll call me?”
“Iffin’ get a chance.” Rosie forced a smile. She had saved up about 200 dollars. Who knew how long that would last once she was out in Texas. “I’ll try.”
“Now.” Her father was demanding she leave.
Rosie let go of her mother and walked tentatively toward her father. She reminded herself that he was taking her to make her happy. She believed it so much that by the time she reached him on instinct she gave her father a hug. They had never hugged. He didn’t return the affection but Rosie didn’t care. She could go on believing this was all going to be ok.
When she stepped outside the 18-wheeler brought a smile. She’d helped him paint this truck even if he’d ignored her the whole time she worked. It was an attempt to get his attention for anything. That attention was hers now. Rosie slung her bag in before climbing into the passenger seat. Her father got in too but took to preparing for the trip without a word.
“How long’s the drive?” Rosie spoke if only to keep the illusion. If she was going to believe he was driving her out of love she would have to make good on being social.
“13 hours.”
Those were the last words. 13 hours, before they were on the road toward Texas. She still didn’t know how to get a ticket but there was time. 13 hours was enough time. Nothing was guaranteed. She didn’t know if she could get a ticket. She didn’t know if Jonna would want to see her. She had no plan of what to do if he really didn’t want her around. She wasn’t even sure if her father would keep his word. He might dump her on the side of the road. The moment the truck engine started Rosie wanted to bolt back inside.
She stayed in her seat for one reason, to see Jonna. She had to even if it ruined her life.
“Ready to drive to Texas?” Her father laughed as the truck lurched forward.
Rosie knew he was laughing at her for being stupid. It was all a big joke on her. Rosie forced a smile and imagined it was the laugh of a father starting a happy trip that was all to make his daughter happy. She could believe it. Her father was happy to be taking her. Jonna would be happy to see her and she would be happy. Rosie waved to her mama out the window before sitting back in her seat.
Rosie looked over at her dad while he steered them away from the house. She hated him and yet she always wanted him to be there. She cared about him in a way but she didn’t know him. Rosie took a deep breath and stared at her hands while picking at the chipped nail polish. She hadn’t brought any along to fix it.
“Thank you.” She mumbled it but she did mean it through all the twisted emotions.
Her father snorted another laugh at her. A little more crushed but she turned her attention elsewhere. 13 hours wasn’t that long to wait. Jonna would hug her then and things would be better. She wouldn't have to worry about being wanted or respected or loved. She wouldn’t have to be someone else. Jonna did all those things and she could wait to be worth something again. It would only be a few hours.