(no subject)
well as yesterday came to a close, things just started to go sour... well let me start at the beginning, we stayed the night at adams moms house sunday night after we got back from visiting his dad and going house hunting down in vancouver, so we wouldn't have to get up and go over there in the morning... we didnt really do much yesterday which was okay cause it was just nice spending the day with him... We took all kinds of pictures yesterday cause we needed some new pictures of us, adam
angryoungndrunk
posted some on his journal last night... we just hung out and watched t.v. for most of the day, i finally took him to the bay, i mean its nothing special but its the place where i go to be alone to think about anything and everything so it was a pretty big deal to me... after that, we went to his house and hung out, one really great thing about yesterday was we had some great sex, i dont know why it seemed alot better yesterday, but it was... dont get me wrong is always good but it was just something about yesterday... lol anways, after some excitement we took a trip to walmart to get some speakerwire to hook up some house speakers so we could listen to music in his room... then we were getting kind of hungry so when we got home i cooked some dinner which was pretty good i might add.. =))
after that we went back to his moms house, and thats where it kinda started going down hill...(not to mention earlier in the day my mom gave my friend josh adam's number and adam answered the phone, i had no idea that he was gonna call or that he was even in town...)
adam kinda started being mean about josh calling, like when he was talking to his mom, he looked at me with a
scowl on his face and was like "go ahead, tell her who called you today.." so i told his mom that a boy had called looking for me and i explained that i didnt know that he was in town or that he was gonna call over there, and he was just a friend of mine that i used to hang out with and that whenever he gets to come back and visit, he always calls me and we hang out and catch up on relationship status and the new gossip around town... adams mom said something along the lines of "are you not allowed to talk to boys anymore" and i said pretty much, and it made adam really mad, which is totally understandable... i go into the room where he was sitting and i sit on the bed kinda far away from him.... he gets up closes the door and turns off the t.v. and we have one of our little talks... the two things that i remember about that talk yesterday was "you fucked someone else, and you expect me not to be fucking paranoid?" that cut me pretty deep, i was doing everything i could to keep from crying... the other thing i remembered was "if you can't handle me being paranoid about you talking to and hanging out with guys then you should leave me and break up with me... that really hurt my feelings too, because i dont want to be with anyone else, and i fucked that all up, im trying the best that i can to make things up to him but i just think that im not doing good enough... i feel like a failure..
After we had our little talk we ate some steak that his mom made for us, and we went back to his house and we went to his room... he turned on his speakers to see if they both worked, well they worked for a minute, and then one of them shorted out... it kept going in and out which made him mad, the record player thing was working like he wanted so he got even more frustrated.... by the time he got to hooking up the vcr to the tv, he didnt have a cable to hook up the vcr so he just flipped cause he was just so frustrated... he ended up getting a cable from his sister to hook up the vcr, but he said to me that he wished he got hit by a truck or something so he'd be in pain and not have to be so pissed off at the world... we finally got to watching the very first movie we watched together... we had some great 'tie em' up' sex, it was real good... =) and then we fell asleep....
all-in-all it was a good day, we had alot more good times than we did bad times... i just wish i could look into the future to see what it looks like for us, like if we are gonna stay together or if we are gonna slpit up, i hope with all my heart that we can work through all of this and stay together... i feel like such a loser and such a failure at life right now.... :o/