Lost and Found
Title: Lost and Found (1/1)
Paring: Five & Peri
Word Count: 3,911
Rating: R
Written for
theriversdream who asked for: Peri/Five comfort/smut after Erimem leaves. You can be as vague as you want on Erimem's departure, just as long as she's not part of the crew anymore.
Many millions of thanks go to
renn for not only being my beta, but for supplying the title.
Leaning against the console, Peri watched on the monitor as Erimem walked away from the TARDIS and her life with the Doctor and Peri. Peri had already said her good-bye and entered the TARDIS. The Doctor said his farewells to Erimem, and then stepped out of the picture. Peri heard him enter the console room and close the doors. She fought the instinct to tell him to stop, to let her go convince Erimem that she couldn’t leave. The surrounding hum changed, and Peri saw the image of Erimem slowly fade, replaced by the swirling vapours of the vortex. With a muffled sob, Peri walked slowly from the console room, closing the door behind her.
The Doctor hadn’t taken his eyes off of Peri from the moment they dematerialised. She felt hurt, he could tell that much. And he understood. He had left so many friends behind. But he had come to expect it. He was used to it, in a way. The Doctor never liked it when the time came, but he understood that there comes a time when his companions have to stand on their own two feet. When companions left, he knew how to deal with the loss. His other companions frequently didn’t. Oh, some were able to deal with it easily enough, but the more sensitive ones always had a hard time. Checking the console one last time, the Doctor left the room in search of Peri.
Retreating to her room, Peri sat on her bed, a stuffed animal clutched in her arms. She sniffed. Peri didn’t know why the stuffed animal was reassuring; it wasn’t even hers. She found it in the bottom of a disused wardrobe several weeks earlier, and thought that it needed a home. She didn’t recognise the animal it was supposed to be. Some alien toy no doubt, but it was still comforting.
She tried not to think of Erimem and failed miserably. They had so much fun together, and now she was gone. Peri was alone. Well, there was the Doctor. But he didn’t count. He was a guy. And an alien.
The soft knock on the door didn’t startle Peri in the slightest. She looked at the door, as if wondering what that strange sound was, and then gave her permission for the Doctor to enter.
Pushing the door open, he entered her room. He stood in front of her, hands in his pockets. “Peri?”
She sniffed and, after a moment, she looked up at him. The compassion and tenderness etched on his face was too much. She resumed sobbing, using the stuffed animal to muffle her cries. The Doctor stood still, unsure for a moment. He was never very comfortable with overly emotional displays. And this current incarnation was certainly no different, which he found rather ironic, as it was this incarnation that seemed to encourage that sort of behaviour in others. Removing his hands from his pockets, the Doctor sighed and sat down next to Peri on the bed.
He folded his hands in his lap and looked down at them. “You know, they all leave. Eventually. All my friends have left me. Even you’ll go. A day will come when you decide that you would rather stay put, and you’ll leave too.”
Peri looked up at him. “We’ll never see her again, will we?”
The Doctor stared at the far wall, his eyes distant. “We may, you never know.”
She lowered her head. “We won’t, though. We’ve never gone to visit Turlough to see how he’s doing. How many times have you been to visit your friends?”
The silence stretched and Peri thought he wasn’t going to answer. Finally he spoke. “I’ve had so many friends over the years. But they chose to stay grounded somewhere, and I must honour that choice. I can’t settle down like so many of my friends. I have to explore, to see what’s out there. There’s still so much to see, and I’m grateful that I can share it with others.” He paused. “Even when they leave, I’m glad I had the opportunity.”
The sadness was evident in his voice, and Peri leaned against his shoulder. The pair sat together, wallowing in their sorrow and self-pity.
“I’ll miss her.”
The Doctor tucked an arm around Peri’s shoulder. “As will I.”
Peri looked up at the Doctor; he looked so lost. Peri tilted her head to kiss him on the cheek.
The Doctor sat, an arm around one companion, his thoughts circling another. This would never do. Peri needed cheering up, and he could certainly use a change of scenery. A holiday, that’s exactly what was called for. He turned his head towards his companion to suggest it at the same moment she moved her head to kiss his cheek.
Their lips touched awkwardly and for one brief confused moment, neither moved. After a second had passed, the Doctor suddenly stood and strode purposefully from the room, not looking back at the tear-streaked face of his companion.
Peri watched him leave, confusion and hurt in her eyes. Clutching the stuffed animal she lay down, pulling the blankets over her head. The tears silently and slowly fell and she cried herself to sleep.
? ? ?
The Doctor stood in the console room, hands on the edges of the console, his eyes watching the rising and falling of the time rotor. He had always found it relaxing, hypnotic. He could just watch and allow his subconscious to deal with whatever his conscious mind was trying to avoid. At the moment, it was Peri.
He shouldn’t have stormed out; he knew that even as he did it. But he had hoped for something different. It was the same with all his companions. There were times when he travelled with more than one person, just recently in fact. When they were a group, interpersonal relationships were different. They were more like family. They were comfortable with each other, like siblings. When it was just he and one companion, intimacy was always an issue. It often developed into a romantic relationship. He thought of his “solo” companions and how they all had a special place in his hearts. Most recently there was Peri. After Turlough left they had travelled together for a short while before picking up Erimem. But they were still getting used to each other when they met the Egyptian Princess, and the intimacy hadn’t developed. Before Peri was Turlough. They were alone for a while. But his relationship with Turlough was different from his relationship with Adric. Or Jamie. They were all solo companions for a time. Perhaps Turlough’s was different because Turlough still remembered it all. Jamie’s mind was wiped by the Time Lords, and Adric ….
The Doctor’s eyes moved slowly up and down, following the movement that indicated his TARDIS was in flight. He tried not to think of Adric. It was still too recent. Too real. Too painful.
Then there was Liz and Jo. And Sarah and Leela. And Romana. Romana was different too, though. Intimacy with her came more easily than it had with any of the others, undoubtedly because she was a Time Lady. And how could he forget Nyssa?
It wasn’t just the solo companions, however. He had had intimate relationships with several companions. It just seemed more natural, not to mention easier, with the solo ones. And now, here he was facing the same thing with Peri.
He shook his head to dislodge the thoughts and straightened up. He walked around the console slowly adjusting settings and manipulating co-ordinates. A vacation would be lovely. But first, he had to settle things with Peri.
The Doctor left the console room and slowly made his way to Peri’s bedroom door. He knocked softly, but didn’t hear Peri’s admittance. Pressing his ear to the door, he heard the familiar sounds of sleep. Nodding his approval he wandered down the corridor looking for something to keep himself and his mind occupied for the next several hours.
? ? ?
Having found a repair project to fill his time, the Doctor hadn’t heard Peri wake and walk to the bathroom. He had accidentally tripped a live circuit, and was sucking on the tip of his finger when he looked up to see Peri standing in the doorway.
Peri was dressed in a deep green silk blouse and a pair of dark brown shorts. She didn’t look well rested, but at least her eyes were no longer red and puffy.
“You didn’t sleep long.” He examined the tip of his finger.
“I couldn’t.” She was at least speaking the truth. Dreams had always bothered Peri, and these were no different. They had awakened her, leaving confusion and pain in her mind. Erimem appeared in her dreams telling her to be happy without her, before the mists of Peri’s dream swallowed her. She would then turn to the Doctor for comfort, but he wasn’t there. The sounds of the TARDIS dematerialising echoed throughout her dream and Peri knew she had been abandoned. She ran through the fog trying to find the TARDIS, the grinding engine noises never changing, never ceasing. Terror swept through her, and she woke, sweaty and frightened.
A shower had seemed like a good idea, and felt wonderful. Depression then settled over her, and Peri was at a loss of what to do next. After dressing she looked for the Doctor, finding him in a nearby workshop. She leaned against the doorjamb and watched him work. With Erimem gone it was just the pair of them. Peri suddenly felt self-conscious and wished she had chosen a different outfit.
“Did you want something?”
Peri shook her head. “No. Just thinking.”
“Oh, yes?” The Doctor’s head was buried beneath cables and wires.
“I miss Erimem.”
Blue eyes peered out from between green wires. “I know.”
“She’s really gone, isn’t she?”
The Doctor sat back, disentangling himself from his project. “She’ll be fine. She wanted to stay.”
“I know. But I’ll always wonder.”
He nodded. “I do, too. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of at least one of my companions and wonder how they are, what they’re doing. If they’re happy.” If they’re still alive.
Peri nodded. The Doctor picked up a piece of circuit board and turned it over in his hands, suddenly very interested in it.
“What about me?” Peri asked after a minute.
“What about you?” The Doctor replied, not looking up from the wires and circuits in his hands.
“When I leave. Will you never come to see me? Once I leave, is that it?”
The Doctor looked up. Peri looked genuinely hurt. It was as if she were leaving at that moment. He didn’t know how to respond. She knew the truth. He just didn’t visit companions after they left. Peri would probably be no different.
Dropping the electronics in his hands, the Doctor stood, crossing the room to his friend. He put his hands on her shoulders and stared into her face. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. Peri knew the answer. She hung her head, unable to look him in the face. Touching his hand to her jaw, he raised her eyes to his. The tears were streaming down her face. He brushed away the tears on her cheeks with his thumb.
She stared into his face. “That’ll be it. It’ll be over. It’s like we mean nothing to you.” Peri started getting angry. “You have all this ability, you can see people and places throughout time, do things that no one else have even thought of. And you can’t even go see your friends.” She stepped away from him. “You really are alien, aren’t you? No human would act like that. We care; we have relationships that never end. When people come into our lives, and they are important enough we keep them in our lives. We continually make the effort.” She was shouting now, as she slowly backed away from the Doctor. “You just don’t care. That’s how it is, you just don’t care!”
Peri stalked off toward her room, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She didn’t stop until the hand grabbed her arm and spun her around. She found herself in the Doctor’s arms, his mouth hot and hard on hers. Peri struggled for a second, and then gave up. She wasn’t going to get away; his grip was too tight.
His mouth released her and he stared intently into her face, holding it between his hands. “Did it ever occur to you that I care too much?” He looked angry and Peri felt genuine fear. “You can’t understand. I’ve known so many people, I’ve had so many friends, and I’ve loved them all. But they all left me!” He was shouting now and Peri was beginning to tremble. “They all decided that a life without me was better than a life with me, and they left! Have you any idea what that’s like? No, I don’t go back and see my friends. They chose to live their lives without me, and I don’t want to deal with all the pain again.” His tirade over, he hung his head. Stepping away from Peri, he leaned against the wall. “I can’t deal with the pain again,” he said softly.
Peri felt ashamed. She hadn’t thought of it like that. Everyone he ever loved had abandoned the Doctor. Feeling uncomfortable, Peri turned back to her room.
“Peri.” It wasn’t a question, just a word.
Turning around slowly and cautiously, she looked at the Doctor still leaning against the wall. Raising his head, their eyes met. Keeping his eyes focused on her, he approached. Peri was more than a little apprehensive, and the Doctor noticed.
“I’m sorry, Peri.” He stopped in front of her, his hands tucked behind his back. “I had no right to treat you like that.”
She smiled softly. “It’s alright. You were provoked.”
He smiled gently, and slowly wrapped his arms around her. He rested his chin on the top of her head and sighed comfortably. Her head pressed against his chest, Peri breathed deep. She could smell the scent of the Doctor, clean like the night sky. Yes, that was the scent. The smell of the universe. The Doctor’s arms loosened, and he looked down at Peri. Her eyes were so brown and earthy. His eyes were so blue, like the sky. Both were lost in the eyes of the other, their thoughts elsewhere, but also completely aware of the moment.
Slowly, the Doctor lowered his head to Peri’s and touched his lips to hers. While their first kiss was awkward, this kiss was deliberate. While their last kiss was hard, this one was soft and gentle. Uncertainty flooded through Peri’s mind, and for several moments, she wasn’t sure if she should stay or run. When the Doctor began to push her mouth open with his tongue, Peri relaxed into the moment. No, she wouldn’t run.
Peri held on to him tightly, not wanting the moment to end, but all too aware that it might. It felt strange. When she first met the Doctor she thought he was cute, but after travelling with him for a while she got to know him for who he was. Or so she thought. It had never really occurred to her that the Doctor was a sexual creature. He was alien, after all, and what did aliens know about human sexuality? Judging by the tenderness of his touch, and the warmth of his kiss, he knew quite a lot.
One arm was wrapped tightly around her waist, while his other hand held her head. His fingers combed gently through her hair, and he was amazed at how silky it was to the touch. The texture of his companion’s hair was something he just never thought about. Releasing Peri’s mouth, he trailed his hands down her side and folded her hands into his. Moving deliberately, he walked back down the corridor to Peri’s room.
Peri allowed herself to be led, heart pounding, her mind whirling. The Doctor pulled her into the room and began kissing her again. Peri couldn’t help but wonder about his feelings for her. Had he always felt this way? What about his other companions? Then she understood. He was speaking the complete truth when he said that he cared too much. The Doctor had been hurt by friends - lovers - who had left him. This wasn’t about love or romance. This was about comfort, compassion and a feeling of connection. It was something that they both needed.
The Doctor’s mouth left hers and began trailing down her neck. Peri’s eyes closed as she was swept away in the moment of passion. His lips on her shoulder were soft and she couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped her. She felt his hands on her shirt, stopping every few inches to undo another button. When he began to kiss his way along her shirt, down to her breasts, Peri reached up a hand and placed it on the Doctor’s head. Resting her head back against the wall, Peri was living fully in the moment. Yes, he may be an alien, but he knew a lot about sex.
There was one thing that the Doctor always loved about his human companions. He’d had several non-humans travel with him, and they were all unique, too. But there was one thing that was a constant to all his Earth-born friends. They all tasted the same. They all tasted of Earth. As he teased Peri’s nipple with his tongue, he was transported back to the planet he thought of as home away from home. She tasted like the Earth. Like the air after a thunderstorm. Like a field of freshly mowed hay. Like the clean air on a crisp winter morning. They all tasted like that. He had spent countless hours debating with himself, trying to decide if that was why he loved humans so much, why intimacy with them was always so much more exciting. Peri’s gasp of pleasure brought him back to the present, and he smiled against her bare skin.
Peri pulled at the Doctor’s coat and pullover, eventually dropping both to the floor. She pulled him up to her face, and kissed him hungrily, undoing the buttons of his shirt. All inhibitions lost, Peri led the Doctor to her bed and pushed him back, lying on top of him. Kissing his skin, Peri was again reminded of his smell. He tasted the same way, clean like the vastness of space. It was truly different, but also very comforting. It wasn’t some man she barely knew who was tracing his fingers across her skin, but someone whom she trusted. They were close friends, something that couldn’t be said of her past relationships with men, and the thought was very erotic.
The Doctor had to smile at Peri’s sudden change of attitude. But it was often this way with his companions. Most would usually be uncertain and hesitant. After a few minutes they would invariably relax, and he would let them take control. It was for them. It was always for them, and never for him. He wanted to show them everything the universe had to offer, and that included himself. There were times to be the submissive one, and times to be dominant. He was enjoying the feeling of Peri’s tongue on his bare skin, and he allowed her a moment of dominance.
They said nothing as they learned about each other’s bodies. No questions were asked, no demands made. She would occasionally gasp or moan, and he loved to elicit those sounds from her. They sounded so human, so comforting. He couldn’t stop the growls that came from his throat, and Peri found it to be erotic and exciting. She had never heard such a sound, and did her best to bring it from him as often as possible.
In a sudden movement, he rolled her to her back and looked down at her. He stared into her eyes, as his hand trailed down her body and slid between her legs. Her moans increased but she kept her eyes fixed on the Doctor’s. She didn’t have to tell him what she liked and didn’t like. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She fell into them. The day before Peri couldn’t have imagined such a thing ever happening to her, and now she didn’t want it to stop. He continued mercilessly, bringing her to the very peak of ecstasy and then slowly taking her back down again. Her moans became louder, but she never took her eyes from him. She wanted him, wanted to feel him inside her, but he was enjoying himself too much, and she was too satisfied to ask.
He seemed to tease her for hours, but Peri knew that much time couldn’t have passed. Just when she thought she couldn’t take any more, he thrust into her, and she cried out. He began to growl with her, and he wished - not for the first time - that he had shared his name with his companion. He longed to hear his real name cried out in passion, but none of his companions ever knew it. Only one woman ever knew it, and she was long gone. His companions never even cried out his adopted name. Perhaps because it was a title and not a name, perhaps because it felt impersonal. Either way, the Doctor wished for that one moment of connection. He didn’t even say Peri’s name, he just growled into her neck.
He wrapped his arms around her, and rolled over so he could look up at her. Her eyes smiled down at him, as she guided his hands to her breasts. They rocked together, staring at each other, not saying anything. The thought floated through Peri’s mind that she didn’t even know his name, but it didn’t matter. She was lost in his deep eyes, and that was more intimate than anything.
? ? ?
Afterward, she rested her head on his chest, listening to the double beat of his hearts. They lulled her to sleep, even as his hands continued to dance up and down her back. When the Doctor was satisfied that Peri was asleep, he disentangled himself from her, dressed, and left the room. The thought occurred as he walked to the console room that his companions never expected to sleep in his room. He always ended up in their room. Approaching the console he wondered idly why that was.
? ? ?
When Peri woke, she felt better than she had in ages. She felt relaxed and happy. Thoughts of Erimem drifted through her mind, but they no longer saddened her. Erimem was happy; she chose to stay behind. Peri still had a lot of time to spend with the Doctor, and she had no intention of leaving anytime soon.
She opened the door to the console room, and saw the Doctor setting co-ordinates. She smiled provocatively at him, and he smiled casually in return.
“Sand,” he announced.
“What?”
“Sand. I think I’d like to practice on my glass-blowing.”
“You know how to blow glass?” Peri approached the Doctor, wondering what else about him she didn’t know.
He nodded. “Androzani Minor, I think.” He pressed a few more buttons.
Paring: Five & Peri
Word Count: 3,911
Rating: R
Written for
theriversdream who asked for: Peri/Five comfort/smut after Erimem leaves. You can be as vague as you want on Erimem's departure, just as long as she's not part of the crew anymore.
Many millions of thanks go to
renn for not only being my beta, but for supplying the title.
Leaning against the console, Peri watched on the monitor as Erimem walked away from the TARDIS and her life with the Doctor and Peri. Peri had already said her good-bye and entered the TARDIS. The Doctor said his farewells to Erimem, and then stepped out of the picture. Peri heard him enter the console room and close the doors. She fought the instinct to tell him to stop, to let her go convince Erimem that she couldn’t leave. The surrounding hum changed, and Peri saw the image of Erimem slowly fade, replaced by the swirling vapours of the vortex. With a muffled sob, Peri walked slowly from the console room, closing the door behind her.
The Doctor hadn’t taken his eyes off of Peri from the moment they dematerialised. She felt hurt, he could tell that much. And he understood. He had left so many friends behind. But he had come to expect it. He was used to it, in a way. The Doctor never liked it when the time came, but he understood that there comes a time when his companions have to stand on their own two feet. When companions left, he knew how to deal with the loss. His other companions frequently didn’t. Oh, some were able to deal with it easily enough, but the more sensitive ones always had a hard time. Checking the console one last time, the Doctor left the room in search of Peri.
Retreating to her room, Peri sat on her bed, a stuffed animal clutched in her arms. She sniffed. Peri didn’t know why the stuffed animal was reassuring; it wasn’t even hers. She found it in the bottom of a disused wardrobe several weeks earlier, and thought that it needed a home. She didn’t recognise the animal it was supposed to be. Some alien toy no doubt, but it was still comforting.
She tried not to think of Erimem and failed miserably. They had so much fun together, and now she was gone. Peri was alone. Well, there was the Doctor. But he didn’t count. He was a guy. And an alien.
The soft knock on the door didn’t startle Peri in the slightest. She looked at the door, as if wondering what that strange sound was, and then gave her permission for the Doctor to enter.
Pushing the door open, he entered her room. He stood in front of her, hands in his pockets. “Peri?”
She sniffed and, after a moment, she looked up at him. The compassion and tenderness etched on his face was too much. She resumed sobbing, using the stuffed animal to muffle her cries. The Doctor stood still, unsure for a moment. He was never very comfortable with overly emotional displays. And this current incarnation was certainly no different, which he found rather ironic, as it was this incarnation that seemed to encourage that sort of behaviour in others. Removing his hands from his pockets, the Doctor sighed and sat down next to Peri on the bed.
He folded his hands in his lap and looked down at them. “You know, they all leave. Eventually. All my friends have left me. Even you’ll go. A day will come when you decide that you would rather stay put, and you’ll leave too.”
Peri looked up at him. “We’ll never see her again, will we?”
The Doctor stared at the far wall, his eyes distant. “We may, you never know.”
She lowered her head. “We won’t, though. We’ve never gone to visit Turlough to see how he’s doing. How many times have you been to visit your friends?”
The silence stretched and Peri thought he wasn’t going to answer. Finally he spoke. “I’ve had so many friends over the years. But they chose to stay grounded somewhere, and I must honour that choice. I can’t settle down like so many of my friends. I have to explore, to see what’s out there. There’s still so much to see, and I’m grateful that I can share it with others.” He paused. “Even when they leave, I’m glad I had the opportunity.”
The sadness was evident in his voice, and Peri leaned against his shoulder. The pair sat together, wallowing in their sorrow and self-pity.
“I’ll miss her.”
The Doctor tucked an arm around Peri’s shoulder. “As will I.”
Peri looked up at the Doctor; he looked so lost. Peri tilted her head to kiss him on the cheek.
The Doctor sat, an arm around one companion, his thoughts circling another. This would never do. Peri needed cheering up, and he could certainly use a change of scenery. A holiday, that’s exactly what was called for. He turned his head towards his companion to suggest it at the same moment she moved her head to kiss his cheek.
Their lips touched awkwardly and for one brief confused moment, neither moved. After a second had passed, the Doctor suddenly stood and strode purposefully from the room, not looking back at the tear-streaked face of his companion.
Peri watched him leave, confusion and hurt in her eyes. Clutching the stuffed animal she lay down, pulling the blankets over her head. The tears silently and slowly fell and she cried herself to sleep.
? ? ?
The Doctor stood in the console room, hands on the edges of the console, his eyes watching the rising and falling of the time rotor. He had always found it relaxing, hypnotic. He could just watch and allow his subconscious to deal with whatever his conscious mind was trying to avoid. At the moment, it was Peri.
He shouldn’t have stormed out; he knew that even as he did it. But he had hoped for something different. It was the same with all his companions. There were times when he travelled with more than one person, just recently in fact. When they were a group, interpersonal relationships were different. They were more like family. They were comfortable with each other, like siblings. When it was just he and one companion, intimacy was always an issue. It often developed into a romantic relationship. He thought of his “solo” companions and how they all had a special place in his hearts. Most recently there was Peri. After Turlough left they had travelled together for a short while before picking up Erimem. But they were still getting used to each other when they met the Egyptian Princess, and the intimacy hadn’t developed. Before Peri was Turlough. They were alone for a while. But his relationship with Turlough was different from his relationship with Adric. Or Jamie. They were all solo companions for a time. Perhaps Turlough’s was different because Turlough still remembered it all. Jamie’s mind was wiped by the Time Lords, and Adric ….
The Doctor’s eyes moved slowly up and down, following the movement that indicated his TARDIS was in flight. He tried not to think of Adric. It was still too recent. Too real. Too painful.
Then there was Liz and Jo. And Sarah and Leela. And Romana. Romana was different too, though. Intimacy with her came more easily than it had with any of the others, undoubtedly because she was a Time Lady. And how could he forget Nyssa?
It wasn’t just the solo companions, however. He had had intimate relationships with several companions. It just seemed more natural, not to mention easier, with the solo ones. And now, here he was facing the same thing with Peri.
He shook his head to dislodge the thoughts and straightened up. He walked around the console slowly adjusting settings and manipulating co-ordinates. A vacation would be lovely. But first, he had to settle things with Peri.
The Doctor left the console room and slowly made his way to Peri’s bedroom door. He knocked softly, but didn’t hear Peri’s admittance. Pressing his ear to the door, he heard the familiar sounds of sleep. Nodding his approval he wandered down the corridor looking for something to keep himself and his mind occupied for the next several hours.
? ? ?
Having found a repair project to fill his time, the Doctor hadn’t heard Peri wake and walk to the bathroom. He had accidentally tripped a live circuit, and was sucking on the tip of his finger when he looked up to see Peri standing in the doorway.
Peri was dressed in a deep green silk blouse and a pair of dark brown shorts. She didn’t look well rested, but at least her eyes were no longer red and puffy.
“You didn’t sleep long.” He examined the tip of his finger.
“I couldn’t.” She was at least speaking the truth. Dreams had always bothered Peri, and these were no different. They had awakened her, leaving confusion and pain in her mind. Erimem appeared in her dreams telling her to be happy without her, before the mists of Peri’s dream swallowed her. She would then turn to the Doctor for comfort, but he wasn’t there. The sounds of the TARDIS dematerialising echoed throughout her dream and Peri knew she had been abandoned. She ran through the fog trying to find the TARDIS, the grinding engine noises never changing, never ceasing. Terror swept through her, and she woke, sweaty and frightened.
A shower had seemed like a good idea, and felt wonderful. Depression then settled over her, and Peri was at a loss of what to do next. After dressing she looked for the Doctor, finding him in a nearby workshop. She leaned against the doorjamb and watched him work. With Erimem gone it was just the pair of them. Peri suddenly felt self-conscious and wished she had chosen a different outfit.
“Did you want something?”
Peri shook her head. “No. Just thinking.”
“Oh, yes?” The Doctor’s head was buried beneath cables and wires.
“I miss Erimem.”
Blue eyes peered out from between green wires. “I know.”
“She’s really gone, isn’t she?”
The Doctor sat back, disentangling himself from his project. “She’ll be fine. She wanted to stay.”
“I know. But I’ll always wonder.”
He nodded. “I do, too. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of at least one of my companions and wonder how they are, what they’re doing. If they’re happy.” If they’re still alive.
Peri nodded. The Doctor picked up a piece of circuit board and turned it over in his hands, suddenly very interested in it.
“What about me?” Peri asked after a minute.
“What about you?” The Doctor replied, not looking up from the wires and circuits in his hands.
“When I leave. Will you never come to see me? Once I leave, is that it?”
The Doctor looked up. Peri looked genuinely hurt. It was as if she were leaving at that moment. He didn’t know how to respond. She knew the truth. He just didn’t visit companions after they left. Peri would probably be no different.
Dropping the electronics in his hands, the Doctor stood, crossing the room to his friend. He put his hands on her shoulders and stared into her face. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. Peri knew the answer. She hung her head, unable to look him in the face. Touching his hand to her jaw, he raised her eyes to his. The tears were streaming down her face. He brushed away the tears on her cheeks with his thumb.
She stared into his face. “That’ll be it. It’ll be over. It’s like we mean nothing to you.” Peri started getting angry. “You have all this ability, you can see people and places throughout time, do things that no one else have even thought of. And you can’t even go see your friends.” She stepped away from him. “You really are alien, aren’t you? No human would act like that. We care; we have relationships that never end. When people come into our lives, and they are important enough we keep them in our lives. We continually make the effort.” She was shouting now, as she slowly backed away from the Doctor. “You just don’t care. That’s how it is, you just don’t care!”
Peri stalked off toward her room, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She didn’t stop until the hand grabbed her arm and spun her around. She found herself in the Doctor’s arms, his mouth hot and hard on hers. Peri struggled for a second, and then gave up. She wasn’t going to get away; his grip was too tight.
His mouth released her and he stared intently into her face, holding it between his hands. “Did it ever occur to you that I care too much?” He looked angry and Peri felt genuine fear. “You can’t understand. I’ve known so many people, I’ve had so many friends, and I’ve loved them all. But they all left me!” He was shouting now and Peri was beginning to tremble. “They all decided that a life without me was better than a life with me, and they left! Have you any idea what that’s like? No, I don’t go back and see my friends. They chose to live their lives without me, and I don’t want to deal with all the pain again.” His tirade over, he hung his head. Stepping away from Peri, he leaned against the wall. “I can’t deal with the pain again,” he said softly.
Peri felt ashamed. She hadn’t thought of it like that. Everyone he ever loved had abandoned the Doctor. Feeling uncomfortable, Peri turned back to her room.
“Peri.” It wasn’t a question, just a word.
Turning around slowly and cautiously, she looked at the Doctor still leaning against the wall. Raising his head, their eyes met. Keeping his eyes focused on her, he approached. Peri was more than a little apprehensive, and the Doctor noticed.
“I’m sorry, Peri.” He stopped in front of her, his hands tucked behind his back. “I had no right to treat you like that.”
She smiled softly. “It’s alright. You were provoked.”
He smiled gently, and slowly wrapped his arms around her. He rested his chin on the top of her head and sighed comfortably. Her head pressed against his chest, Peri breathed deep. She could smell the scent of the Doctor, clean like the night sky. Yes, that was the scent. The smell of the universe. The Doctor’s arms loosened, and he looked down at Peri. Her eyes were so brown and earthy. His eyes were so blue, like the sky. Both were lost in the eyes of the other, their thoughts elsewhere, but also completely aware of the moment.
Slowly, the Doctor lowered his head to Peri’s and touched his lips to hers. While their first kiss was awkward, this kiss was deliberate. While their last kiss was hard, this one was soft and gentle. Uncertainty flooded through Peri’s mind, and for several moments, she wasn’t sure if she should stay or run. When the Doctor began to push her mouth open with his tongue, Peri relaxed into the moment. No, she wouldn’t run.
Peri held on to him tightly, not wanting the moment to end, but all too aware that it might. It felt strange. When she first met the Doctor she thought he was cute, but after travelling with him for a while she got to know him for who he was. Or so she thought. It had never really occurred to her that the Doctor was a sexual creature. He was alien, after all, and what did aliens know about human sexuality? Judging by the tenderness of his touch, and the warmth of his kiss, he knew quite a lot.
One arm was wrapped tightly around her waist, while his other hand held her head. His fingers combed gently through her hair, and he was amazed at how silky it was to the touch. The texture of his companion’s hair was something he just never thought about. Releasing Peri’s mouth, he trailed his hands down her side and folded her hands into his. Moving deliberately, he walked back down the corridor to Peri’s room.
Peri allowed herself to be led, heart pounding, her mind whirling. The Doctor pulled her into the room and began kissing her again. Peri couldn’t help but wonder about his feelings for her. Had he always felt this way? What about his other companions? Then she understood. He was speaking the complete truth when he said that he cared too much. The Doctor had been hurt by friends - lovers - who had left him. This wasn’t about love or romance. This was about comfort, compassion and a feeling of connection. It was something that they both needed.
The Doctor’s mouth left hers and began trailing down her neck. Peri’s eyes closed as she was swept away in the moment of passion. His lips on her shoulder were soft and she couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped her. She felt his hands on her shirt, stopping every few inches to undo another button. When he began to kiss his way along her shirt, down to her breasts, Peri reached up a hand and placed it on the Doctor’s head. Resting her head back against the wall, Peri was living fully in the moment. Yes, he may be an alien, but he knew a lot about sex.
There was one thing that the Doctor always loved about his human companions. He’d had several non-humans travel with him, and they were all unique, too. But there was one thing that was a constant to all his Earth-born friends. They all tasted the same. They all tasted of Earth. As he teased Peri’s nipple with his tongue, he was transported back to the planet he thought of as home away from home. She tasted like the Earth. Like the air after a thunderstorm. Like a field of freshly mowed hay. Like the clean air on a crisp winter morning. They all tasted like that. He had spent countless hours debating with himself, trying to decide if that was why he loved humans so much, why intimacy with them was always so much more exciting. Peri’s gasp of pleasure brought him back to the present, and he smiled against her bare skin.
Peri pulled at the Doctor’s coat and pullover, eventually dropping both to the floor. She pulled him up to her face, and kissed him hungrily, undoing the buttons of his shirt. All inhibitions lost, Peri led the Doctor to her bed and pushed him back, lying on top of him. Kissing his skin, Peri was again reminded of his smell. He tasted the same way, clean like the vastness of space. It was truly different, but also very comforting. It wasn’t some man she barely knew who was tracing his fingers across her skin, but someone whom she trusted. They were close friends, something that couldn’t be said of her past relationships with men, and the thought was very erotic.
The Doctor had to smile at Peri’s sudden change of attitude. But it was often this way with his companions. Most would usually be uncertain and hesitant. After a few minutes they would invariably relax, and he would let them take control. It was for them. It was always for them, and never for him. He wanted to show them everything the universe had to offer, and that included himself. There were times to be the submissive one, and times to be dominant. He was enjoying the feeling of Peri’s tongue on his bare skin, and he allowed her a moment of dominance.
They said nothing as they learned about each other’s bodies. No questions were asked, no demands made. She would occasionally gasp or moan, and he loved to elicit those sounds from her. They sounded so human, so comforting. He couldn’t stop the growls that came from his throat, and Peri found it to be erotic and exciting. She had never heard such a sound, and did her best to bring it from him as often as possible.
In a sudden movement, he rolled her to her back and looked down at her. He stared into her eyes, as his hand trailed down her body and slid between her legs. Her moans increased but she kept her eyes fixed on the Doctor’s. She didn’t have to tell him what she liked and didn’t like. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She fell into them. The day before Peri couldn’t have imagined such a thing ever happening to her, and now she didn’t want it to stop. He continued mercilessly, bringing her to the very peak of ecstasy and then slowly taking her back down again. Her moans became louder, but she never took her eyes from him. She wanted him, wanted to feel him inside her, but he was enjoying himself too much, and she was too satisfied to ask.
He seemed to tease her for hours, but Peri knew that much time couldn’t have passed. Just when she thought she couldn’t take any more, he thrust into her, and she cried out. He began to growl with her, and he wished - not for the first time - that he had shared his name with his companion. He longed to hear his real name cried out in passion, but none of his companions ever knew it. Only one woman ever knew it, and she was long gone. His companions never even cried out his adopted name. Perhaps because it was a title and not a name, perhaps because it felt impersonal. Either way, the Doctor wished for that one moment of connection. He didn’t even say Peri’s name, he just growled into her neck.
He wrapped his arms around her, and rolled over so he could look up at her. Her eyes smiled down at him, as she guided his hands to her breasts. They rocked together, staring at each other, not saying anything. The thought floated through Peri’s mind that she didn’t even know his name, but it didn’t matter. She was lost in his deep eyes, and that was more intimate than anything.
? ? ?
Afterward, she rested her head on his chest, listening to the double beat of his hearts. They lulled her to sleep, even as his hands continued to dance up and down her back. When the Doctor was satisfied that Peri was asleep, he disentangled himself from her, dressed, and left the room. The thought occurred as he walked to the console room that his companions never expected to sleep in his room. He always ended up in their room. Approaching the console he wondered idly why that was.
? ? ?
When Peri woke, she felt better than she had in ages. She felt relaxed and happy. Thoughts of Erimem drifted through her mind, but they no longer saddened her. Erimem was happy; she chose to stay behind. Peri still had a lot of time to spend with the Doctor, and she had no intention of leaving anytime soon.
She opened the door to the console room, and saw the Doctor setting co-ordinates. She smiled provocatively at him, and he smiled casually in return.
“Sand,” he announced.
“What?”
“Sand. I think I’d like to practice on my glass-blowing.”
“You know how to blow glass?” Peri approached the Doctor, wondering what else about him she didn’t know.
He nodded. “Androzani Minor, I think.” He pressed a few more buttons.