you light up my whole day
id consider today a good day.
work was spent talking about relationships and sex and art with my manager (aka one of my best friends, Michelle) while reading the newest edition of Cosmo. we also ate cookies and sat on the counter (our boss hates when we sit on the counter).
i talked to my soulmate for a good half hour. fighting over how much we love each other, i love you more no i love you more, no i do! and talking about how we get to spend every moment together for 4 whole days and how it wont be enough.
(when i say soulmate, i mean brittany, incase none of you catch onto that, she is, i found my soulmate and it just happens to be a female, shoot me!)
i came home, put on my heartbreaker shorts, my msi hoodie, my sunglasses and sat on the back porch in the sun for a good hour reading my new book, "Sex and Senseability". its 28 different single womans story of their crazy romances in the world today. its kind of twisted, and alot like sex and the city. and i love it. and i love that it was only 5 bux :P
after taking a break from my book, i came inside and put some pizza rolls in the oven. then got my ciggarettes out of my stash (i hide them under my magazine hoping my mother wont see them, but i stopped hiding them in my car because its better i dont have them with me 24/7 because then id smoke more) got a glass of iced tea and sat out side in the backyard with rufus. as i killed my lungs a little more, i stared into the sun and watched the grass blow in the wind. i watched rufus move around the yard, and couldnt stop thinking about how much i love my damn dog. hes the best thing thats ever happend to me. nerdy? i dont care, you all know i love him. i also sat and staired at my chipped nail polish, its time i do something about that tonite.
as i burried my ashes, and flung my cig butt into the neighbors yard. i ran back in the house realizing my pizza rolls were exploding all over the place (just the way i like them!) coverd up the smoke smell and am now here at the computer, typing my little brain away, while listening to his myspace profile songs. he listens to better music than i do. lol. ive heard my whole itunes collection OVER and OVER again and i know every word to every song by heart, ive felt the emotions i get from my music... a thousand times. i love my music but i need something more. his is familier, but new, and refreshing.
i always make more pizza rolls than what i can eat, its a shame.
i need afternoons like this. full of little nothings that rush through my heart and make me smile.
time spent alone. no one is home. its amazing to feel like i can breath without someone breathing down my back. "what are you doing?" im tired of always explaining myself to everyone. its running me into the ground. i just want to be. let me be silly, let me be serious, let me be mad. just let me be me. PLEASE.
i want to feel like this, always. calm, free, no pressure, i want to smell everything around me. ive never had a good sense of smell. that was random.
random. thats it. i want time to be random. my life is run by clocks and time scheduals and non top worrying about what tomorrow brings.
i want to focus on the now. the minute. and do whatever it is i feel i need to do in that minute. but unfortunitly one minute could ruin your whole life, one mistake and your fucked. thats the part that sucks. say or do one wrong thing, and you loose everyone around you and everything youve worked hard for.
i need an escape.
tomorrow is spent at the beach. with 2 amazing girls. i wanna soak in the sun and burry my feet in the sand, and feel the waves against my skin. i want to enjoy every minute tomorrow throws at me. to come home dirty and tanned and feel like my time was well spent. i dont want to worry about one god damned thing. so if any of you have any issues, any problem, dont call me... dont leave me messages online, nothing. i want no fucking drama of any kind... FOR ONE DAY. thats all i ask. im sorry if thats wrong, but thats how it goes, the minute i walk away and try to enjoy myself is when everyone comes running to me and it makes me feel bad that im actually trying to enjoy myself. im such a bitch.
im ok with it tho. its just hard for others to be ok with. and thats ok too. whatever.
its beautiful out why are we sitting here?
im out.
<3
work was spent talking about relationships and sex and art with my manager (aka one of my best friends, Michelle) while reading the newest edition of Cosmo. we also ate cookies and sat on the counter (our boss hates when we sit on the counter).
i talked to my soulmate for a good half hour. fighting over how much we love each other, i love you more no i love you more, no i do! and talking about how we get to spend every moment together for 4 whole days and how it wont be enough.
(when i say soulmate, i mean brittany, incase none of you catch onto that, she is, i found my soulmate and it just happens to be a female, shoot me!)
i came home, put on my heartbreaker shorts, my msi hoodie, my sunglasses and sat on the back porch in the sun for a good hour reading my new book, "Sex and Senseability". its 28 different single womans story of their crazy romances in the world today. its kind of twisted, and alot like sex and the city. and i love it. and i love that it was only 5 bux :P
after taking a break from my book, i came inside and put some pizza rolls in the oven. then got my ciggarettes out of my stash (i hide them under my magazine hoping my mother wont see them, but i stopped hiding them in my car because its better i dont have them with me 24/7 because then id smoke more) got a glass of iced tea and sat out side in the backyard with rufus. as i killed my lungs a little more, i stared into the sun and watched the grass blow in the wind. i watched rufus move around the yard, and couldnt stop thinking about how much i love my damn dog. hes the best thing thats ever happend to me. nerdy? i dont care, you all know i love him. i also sat and staired at my chipped nail polish, its time i do something about that tonite.
as i burried my ashes, and flung my cig butt into the neighbors yard. i ran back in the house realizing my pizza rolls were exploding all over the place (just the way i like them!) coverd up the smoke smell and am now here at the computer, typing my little brain away, while listening to his myspace profile songs. he listens to better music than i do. lol. ive heard my whole itunes collection OVER and OVER again and i know every word to every song by heart, ive felt the emotions i get from my music... a thousand times. i love my music but i need something more. his is familier, but new, and refreshing.
i always make more pizza rolls than what i can eat, its a shame.
i need afternoons like this. full of little nothings that rush through my heart and make me smile.
time spent alone. no one is home. its amazing to feel like i can breath without someone breathing down my back. "what are you doing?" im tired of always explaining myself to everyone. its running me into the ground. i just want to be. let me be silly, let me be serious, let me be mad. just let me be me. PLEASE.
i want to feel like this, always. calm, free, no pressure, i want to smell everything around me. ive never had a good sense of smell. that was random.
random. thats it. i want time to be random. my life is run by clocks and time scheduals and non top worrying about what tomorrow brings.
i want to focus on the now. the minute. and do whatever it is i feel i need to do in that minute. but unfortunitly one minute could ruin your whole life, one mistake and your fucked. thats the part that sucks. say or do one wrong thing, and you loose everyone around you and everything youve worked hard for.
i need an escape.
tomorrow is spent at the beach. with 2 amazing girls. i wanna soak in the sun and burry my feet in the sand, and feel the waves against my skin. i want to enjoy every minute tomorrow throws at me. to come home dirty and tanned and feel like my time was well spent. i dont want to worry about one god damned thing. so if any of you have any issues, any problem, dont call me... dont leave me messages online, nothing. i want no fucking drama of any kind... FOR ONE DAY. thats all i ask. im sorry if thats wrong, but thats how it goes, the minute i walk away and try to enjoy myself is when everyone comes running to me and it makes me feel bad that im actually trying to enjoy myself. im such a bitch.
im ok with it tho. its just hard for others to be ok with. and thats ok too. whatever.
its beautiful out why are we sitting here?
im out.
<3