Rooms 125/week. NO MORE STRIPPERS please.
There are strippers living in my boarding house and they're multiplying.
This is not as sexy as it may sound. Marsella, the Columbian stripper
has been here for almost three weeks, and it's unanimous among everyone but
her "boyfriend" Mr.T (for Trinidad), that she's long since worn out her welcome.
Like the rest of us T is paying 125/week to stay in a fully
furnished duplex intended for contractors and factory workers (usually
management types) who travel to different plants and factories for a
living. It is by no means a frat-house, or a cat-house for that matter.
But when it was assumed his stripper friend who he was sneaking in, would
only be around for a weekend, I naturally assumed the role of brother-
Matt, and let her in on my cooking for the first few days, hey "mi casa
su casa". But it was when her money went missing that things changed.
Thankfully I was out of the city that weekend or else I'd have been on
house trial so the only one who could have stole $150 from her purse is
Ted the born again Christian. Right.
That was two weeks ago, and the silent treatment continues. All Ted has to
do is blow the whistle and Marsella.. and T for that matter are out.
Which would be a convenient arrangement if Ted had indeed pinched the
$200, but the likelihood...and I'm a good judge of character..is slim.
He's just really not the type and I've left my things out, money included
around and everything's accounted for. Ted wants an apology for the
accusation (and it turned into $200 somehow), and she dun gunna 'pologize
shit to no wun, fuck that, bish!
Then she brings in some Jamaican stripper named "Sunny" (right), who
wrinkles her nose in disgust at Ted and I and never speaks. I don't
even know if the bitch knows English. T's pleased.
He get "paid" with "blowjobs" every nite man! So he tells me.
Things go sour however, when he comes down late one night while I'm
watching Reservoir Dogs. He's holding a health card and an immigration
card with her picture.. dude.. she not 21, she 18!
And I let she drive, and she got no licence... she lies to me!
I'm like, dude... what did you expect? YOu gonna kick her out?
Nah. He git a place with she.
Okay then!
I guess when I was 18, I didn't think about others so much, or really put
a lot of thought into things. Take for example, poor Ted.
All he has to do is blow the whistle, or call the landlord to come around
and collect his weekly rent oh, say around 3:30 on any given day and "golly
gee, you mean they're not paying to live here? Had I known that, I'd have
called you right away!' and sit back and watch the fireworks go off from
there. Their free ticket rests on how discreet and courteous these girls
can make themselves to fit in quitely.
Instead Marasala and Sunny couldn't care less.
They're honestly annoying, rude and dirty.
There's a stank in the air in the upstairs hallway, and one or both
of them constantly hog the ONE bathroom while their gangsta rap and
reggae blares obnoxiously loud from the bedroom.
And they're not particularily hot strippers either.
And they SCREAM at everything.. at spiders, on the phone,
out the window,while wrestling, while rough housing, while breaking
dishes in the back yard and while they set off T's car alarm and all
the time I'm thinking.. you know.. If I were a stripper, and I was
scoring FREE RENT and hiding from the landlord, I'd make an effort
to draw a little less attention to myself.
But yeah.
Like when we're getting noise complaints from our neighbors beside us in
the... DUPLEX. But that's alright...when they all get kicked out, and
believe me, it's only a matter of time before they all do, I'm getting dibs
on their room. It's the master bedroom, with a double bed.
True I'll have to febreeze the place, and flip the mattress, and get some
disinfectant wipes from the dollar store... but I get dibs on the big room.
This is not as sexy as it may sound. Marsella, the Columbian stripper
has been here for almost three weeks, and it's unanimous among everyone but
her "boyfriend" Mr.T (for Trinidad), that she's long since worn out her welcome.
Like the rest of us T is paying 125/week to stay in a fully
furnished duplex intended for contractors and factory workers (usually
management types) who travel to different plants and factories for a
living. It is by no means a frat-house, or a cat-house for that matter.
But when it was assumed his stripper friend who he was sneaking in, would
only be around for a weekend, I naturally assumed the role of brother-
Matt, and let her in on my cooking for the first few days, hey "mi casa
su casa". But it was when her money went missing that things changed.
Thankfully I was out of the city that weekend or else I'd have been on
house trial so the only one who could have stole $150 from her purse is
Ted the born again Christian. Right.
That was two weeks ago, and the silent treatment continues. All Ted has to
do is blow the whistle and Marsella.. and T for that matter are out.
Which would be a convenient arrangement if Ted had indeed pinched the
$200, but the likelihood...and I'm a good judge of character..is slim.
He's just really not the type and I've left my things out, money included
around and everything's accounted for. Ted wants an apology for the
accusation (and it turned into $200 somehow), and she dun gunna 'pologize
shit to no wun, fuck that, bish!
Then she brings in some Jamaican stripper named "Sunny" (right), who
wrinkles her nose in disgust at Ted and I and never speaks. I don't
even know if the bitch knows English. T's pleased.
He get "paid" with "blowjobs" every nite man! So he tells me.
Things go sour however, when he comes down late one night while I'm
watching Reservoir Dogs. He's holding a health card and an immigration
card with her picture.. dude.. she not 21, she 18!
And I let she drive, and she got no licence... she lies to me!
I'm like, dude... what did you expect? YOu gonna kick her out?
Nah. He git a place with she.
Okay then!
I guess when I was 18, I didn't think about others so much, or really put
a lot of thought into things. Take for example, poor Ted.
All he has to do is blow the whistle, or call the landlord to come around
and collect his weekly rent oh, say around 3:30 on any given day and "golly
gee, you mean they're not paying to live here? Had I known that, I'd have
called you right away!' and sit back and watch the fireworks go off from
there. Their free ticket rests on how discreet and courteous these girls
can make themselves to fit in quitely.
Instead Marasala and Sunny couldn't care less.
They're honestly annoying, rude and dirty.
There's a stank in the air in the upstairs hallway, and one or both
of them constantly hog the ONE bathroom while their gangsta rap and
reggae blares obnoxiously loud from the bedroom.
And they're not particularily hot strippers either.
And they SCREAM at everything.. at spiders, on the phone,
out the window,while wrestling, while rough housing, while breaking
dishes in the back yard and while they set off T's car alarm and all
the time I'm thinking.. you know.. If I were a stripper, and I was
scoring FREE RENT and hiding from the landlord, I'd make an effort
to draw a little less attention to myself.
But yeah.
Like when we're getting noise complaints from our neighbors beside us in
the... DUPLEX. But that's alright...when they all get kicked out, and
believe me, it's only a matter of time before they all do, I'm getting dibs
on their room. It's the master bedroom, with a double bed.
True I'll have to febreeze the place, and flip the mattress, and get some
disinfectant wipes from the dollar store... but I get dibs on the big room.