Sad Bunky is sad
That might be the biggest understatement ever. I didn't get offers from any of the four jobs, even the tow I didn't want, and the two I most wanted both let me know this morning they had gone with another candidate. I am beyond devastated. The only thing that keeps playing through my head is that the principal at my current school didn't give me a good recommendation. Which funkcing sucks, because I certainly don't feel like he wants me to stay there either. You would think that if he wants me gone from his kingdom, he would wish me well and send me off. So now I get to go back to work tomorrow, defeated and resentful, and kiss up to him at the same time so that when the second transfer round starts, he'll give me a better reference so I can get the fuck out of there.
I feel like the world's biggest fucking loser right now, I have to tell you. I have visions of blood washing across my eyes, and while I know that self-harm doesn't do anything but create bigger problems, I also have the Asshole Voice in the back of my head (all of you with mood disorders know the one I mean) telling me that at least then people would take me seriously. Don't worry...there is no need to start scrambling to find a way to 911 my location or anything like that. I am just so fucking disheartened right now. I can't stop wanting to cry while I type this, and in a weird and twisted way I know that's a good thing. It's when I lose the ability to feel anything at all that things get really bad. Oh. and since things have gone completely to shit anyway, I think G may have stopped his meds again.
FUCK.
ETa: I did get one offer, but I don't know if I should accept it or wait for something in the second round.
The pros of the one I got offered:
literally 5 minute commute
91% ESL population, and the Indian parents love me
I would get to teach my own (and possibly others) French, and not have to teach my own Science, and maybe Socials or gym..
The cons:
the principal is supposed to be a nightmare to work with
I have until 1 pm tomorrow to make up my mind.
I feel like the world's biggest fucking loser right now, I have to tell you. I have visions of blood washing across my eyes, and while I know that self-harm doesn't do anything but create bigger problems, I also have the Asshole Voice in the back of my head (all of you with mood disorders know the one I mean) telling me that at least then people would take me seriously. Don't worry...there is no need to start scrambling to find a way to 911 my location or anything like that. I am just so fucking disheartened right now. I can't stop wanting to cry while I type this, and in a weird and twisted way I know that's a good thing. It's when I lose the ability to feel anything at all that things get really bad. Oh. and since things have gone completely to shit anyway, I think G may have stopped his meds again.
FUCK.
ETa: I did get one offer, but I don't know if I should accept it or wait for something in the second round.
The pros of the one I got offered:
literally 5 minute commute
91% ESL population, and the Indian parents love me
I would get to teach my own (and possibly others) French, and not have to teach my own Science, and maybe Socials or gym..
The cons:
the principal is supposed to be a nightmare to work with
I have until 1 pm tomorrow to make up my mind.