pretending is all we have..

[whoastacey]

So, I don't write in my lj too much anymore, but i'm having so many thoughts run through my head, especially since my bad day yesterday. I'm not even exactly sure why it was bad, I didn't do anything and nothing happened, but I thought about a lot of stuff. I'm not sad nor happy, but for some reason life seems kind of worthless right now. It's sad when you're desperatly looking forward to going away for a few days to a different state just to get away from your life. I dont even get why this is all coming into my mind now because really nothing bad is going on, i dont know. Christmas isn't so jolly right now, and believe me I wish it was because I look forward to Christmas as being a time to be with your friends and family and really feeling like you're a part of something special. I dont feel like I am anything special. I'm just kind of stuck in this boring rutt that's called my life. I'm looking forward to a few things in 2005 like being able to drive, and graduating high school and moving away from home. I'm just so bored with life right now, and I can't wait for something interesting to happen. I wish time could skip to July so I can be 18 and not in Stuart anymore. I'm hoping that my last 7 months here will be fun and I can feel like a belong, and I have happy memories to leave to, and maybe even for people to be sad when I leave. Things change, people change, life changes, and I do love change, but I wish some things would stay the same. It's too much to ask for people to stay the same, friendships change either for the worse or for the better. I feel so close to some of my friends right now, and some I feel like i'm pretending to have this great friendship with, when I know it's really not like that anymore, cause ya know...people change. It just happens that way. I'm not sure why. To keep us on our toes I guess. I wish I didn't have to pretend anymore, and that we're really that great, but I'm not too sure that that's true, that if I stop pretending things will just drift away. Maybe I'll be proven wrong. hopefully.

so yeah me rambling isn't fun. ok bye.