Beginnings of...BOOK of I(nternet)
My stories began during my recent separations from my husband, him and I had met (online) many moons ago (159 months ago to be exact) fell in love now I have fallen out. There is nothing that could be done at this point to fix the damage we have done to each other. I’m ok with this, I’ve known for a VERY long time it should never have lasted as long as it did, so here I am. I was sad about my situation, my go to for condolence was and remains the internet. Pulsing veins of reality and fiction where we are connected by wires and fuses, making a connection that woul never have happened otherwise. I’ve met some very interesting people along the way, almost 4 months since my separation. I’ve heard some sadness, happiness, trying times, talents, beautiful views of life and what it has to offer. Here are these people’s stories of course names and places have been changed. If you are reading this you may recognize some similarities, maybe you are a part of every one of these people or perhaps none at all. This is their story told through my perception of what they allow me to know of themselves fact or fiction!
December 2nd 2014- My first experience back into the internet game, my reality has dissipated and I am no longer focused on the negative going on, my attention zeroed in on Todd from Tuscaloosa, 28yr old, 6’2, complete nerd (awesome!), history buff, mildly attractive (in my eyes), it was clearly a beauty and the beast situation; let’s be honest. I was enamored, as was he according to what he told me verbatim. We had the most random things in common; our father’s worked with chinooks in their careers. My father being a Vietnam veteran 2 tours ’70-73, his father while he was an avionics tech in the military. He loved camping something that his father had instilled in him growing up also something that always bonded me with mine. His father had passed away in May 2014, and I knew he was reeling over the loss of his “best friend”, how could he not. We talked about life, the future we wanted for ourselves, he played guitar and 9 other instruments, loved music made music, amazing. We would talk every single day, all throughout the day, speak with each other over the phone on our drive home from work, this carried on until January 27th. The last text I ever received from him was; I’ve been in a funk myself I’m just not very talkative these days, sorry. I know he’s fine, he’s just not fine with me or dealing with personal issues, or is afraid to feel anything for anyone (which there were moments of these uncertainty with him how was I not surprised) Was I heartbroken? No. Was I sad? Yes.
I’ve been playing this internet game since 1996, AOL chats and ims were the rage. Everyone in high school was doing it so why couldn’t I. Everyone who ever meant anything to me relationship wise or other I met via the internet, I was an insecure teenage girl who had the doting eyes of people I never had before. Now, that I am 34 it’s a completely different experience I’m not worried about these people liking me, loving me or otherwise I am simply here to pass the time until I get through my divorce.
The dates begin to get foggy around this point; my 2nd encounter is with Oliver from Brooklyn. Oh, Oliver you asked the most interesting questions, I still continue to talk with him and he surprises me every single day. He through this process of separation although only 4 months has been there from the beginning, I didn't intially tell him everything and we chatted very infrequently because I didn’t know his place in all of this. He share with me that he was happily married, which changed everything for me; he then became a VERY good friend. I still don’t understand why he needs this type of connection with people, but I don’t question it because if it wasn’t for that I would not know him. I don’t know much about his past only subtle glimpses into past regrets, but I do think I have an understanding of who he is today. Oliver, an honest, humble man sees life in colors that are not in the traditional color spectrum. His backbone is one that has been founded by God, whether this is a relationship established at birth or strengthened in recent years, I do not have those answers. He is the silent type, observing his surrounding and human interaction he won’t speak until you have been fully assessed, in person…VIA the internet he speaks freely of his thoughts. He is talented but does not realize this, he is a visionary that is held back by his own doubts and insecurities. He will insult his work before it’s ever been viewed; we are our own worst critic though I know this to be true for myself. I believe that he feels everyone is good, until you prove him otherwise. He is all of these things and perhaps none of them but this is Oliver from Brooklyn and it is a continual get to you situation.
I believe we give a tiny or chunk of ourselves to everyone we encounter in reality or not. I do my best to make an impact on everyone’s life with a laugh or a smile; it is my goal for the day. Sometimes I consciously think about it sometimes it’s just a very sweet and unexpected exchange of words that makes my day. I love to laugh, it can heal most things if not all. We are designed to experience joy and happiness but life happens and we experience loss, defeat, sadness, loneliness. The internet offers a remedy for what life throws at us. I know some people just don’t have the time for it, but by advances in technology it has literally been put at our fingertips. This can be a demise or start of this gigantic social movement to change the world.