Mar 20, 2014 03:04
“Oh, Hello…I’m Gil Faizan” I will never think there could be a greater opening to a skit. If you are one of the many who is not familiar, it’s from the Nick Kroll Show. That’s how my husband and I answer each other’s calls now. Anyways! It’s now 2:32, my dog woke me at 1:30 and I haven’t been able to go back to bed since. I thought instead of blowing up everyone’s FB news treads I’d write down my thoughts instead. I’m still a little hyper, but nothing I can’t handle. I may want to retract my words when I’m on hour 7 at work but for right now….I’m good. Like I said in my previous post, still trying to work on making a connection with everyone I meet. Yesterday, was a bit of a bust since I was so tired from not going to bed until 2am. I feel like I still made an impression. I received another email from a banker thanking me for my thoroughness, which again feels great. I hope I never stop enjoying receiving those types of emails! Small tokens of appreciation are all I need. I feel like I used to do things to get that validation back, but now I just do it…I don’t even think about whether I’ll get complimented whether I will get that same validation. It’s a bit freeing to say the list. I was thinking to myself (as I often do) on my way to work saying this feels so much better not having to question how people think about you, or if they are judging you silently. None of that stuff really matters if you are being yourself. I used to feel this way back in hs and I think that’s why people loved me back then and even now…I don’t hold back, I say it like it is, there is no mal-intent that’s just who I am. I don’t like beating around the bush there’s no point…just say what you need to say and get it over it. I had such a great weekend….the situation for these great conversations I had may not have been ideal. I’ll elaborate a bit…my fil (aka father in law) needed major vascular surgery in his leg and toes amputated (complications from diabetes) . Not a good thing, but he is doing great!! I love my husband’s Dad’s side of the family, not saying I don’t really love my mother in law’s side. It’s just different! My f.i.l’s family lays all their shit on the table for everyone to see. Literally they all sit around dinner and discuss what makes up their shit! JOKING! Seriously, though there is no issue addressed, no secret unturned…and I just love it because it’s exactly the opposite of how I grew up. I’m not faulting my parents by any means I know they did it to protect me, but they never let me in on any issues that were going on mostly between them. …and having to constantly see the arguing I always thought it would be so much simpler if they got divorced. I even told my mom once when I was in 5th grade…I vividly remember her driving me to school while we were living in Waco, Texas for a brief 6 months “ WHY don’t you and Dad just get a divorce.” Well, I’m glad she didn’t answer that question, because today they are still married after 37 yrs. I think they are in a better place, not as volatile as they used to be….more so on my mom’s side because she just kind of ignores all my dad’s snide, sarcastic, negative remarks (God Bless..that woman!!)lol I guess my point of mentioning that is that I didn’t really know what the arguments were about…and I’m probably better off not knowing but maybe I would have understood the dynamics of a couple better if I had. I’m an only child and I wasn’t raised around family so I feel like I didn’t develop really great bonds with adults or kids growing up. I feel like that’s different now, but I didn’t used to…and it’s taken me a VERY long time to truly trust my husband…not because he isn’t a trustworthy person but because I dunno…it was an issue I had/have (still working on it) Bringing it all together my point is…..I like the idea of not holding things in and DEALING with issues instead of keeping them to yourself and then either going off or worse hurting yourself or someone else. I think that’s what’s wrong with society these days, we don’t let people process emotions we tell them “Suck it up” “Snap out of it” “You’re being a baby” and a plethora of other things instead of really analyzing the situation, everything that is showing on the outside could be a sure sign of what’s going on inside emotionally. Don’t cast off the signs of depression. I can speak first hand because I have parents who have supported me throughout my depressive times, I give off signs/clues before I even realize what’s going on. We aren’t connected to one another anymore! We’re distracted by all the media shoved down our throat, AND technology. I feel like most of the violence that goes on in the world, could have been stopped…kids don’t go on homicidal rampages because they feel like it. There is something else going on internally that should be addressed before it ever escalates to something as horrific as what has happened numerous times around the US….I’m not even going to go into the world at this point. Something needs to change, something will change I think that will stop everyone in their tracks and rely more on one another than inanimate objects, material possessions etc. Perhaps, the zombie apocalypse or WWIII…who knows? I don’t…. I’m no Nostradamus but even his theories have been debunked. Really…and I will end this with another Kroll Show quote….”Who can never be sure”