Kleptomaniac Survey
How long have you been a kleptomaniac? On and off since childhood, but have been thieving obscene amounts over the past 2 years.
Why'd you start? Seeing that I barely have any cash flow, my insatiable need for material possessions needed to be compensated for. Freeness = excellence. I also think it's funny that I can acquire so many things without payment or anyone noticing. So comedic value plays a role as well.
What was the earliest thing you can remember stealing? I don't know the 1st thing I ever stole, but the 1st thing I was ever caught for was a set of pens from Stop&Shop.
What's the last thing you can remember stealing? My last trip to the mall I shoplifted 6 shirts from Abercrombie Kids; 2 shirts from H&M; 2 shirts from Areopastale; 2 necklaces from Gap; and hair spray, gel, and a CD case from Dollar Plus! Immediately following the mall I pillaged a tuna fish sandwich and a fat free chocolate milk from Stop&shop and then snuck into a movie.
When was that? About 2 weeks ago...actually I've stolen some gum and face wash since then, but the theft of those 2 things are so common for me that it holds no real impact on my inventory of stolen goods. But wait, there is the chair I am sitting on right now which got from Bingo's Chineese restaurant and a table from a psychic reading business. That's pretty bad if I can't even keep track of the last thing I stole, but the theivery of the table was quite halarious.
How'd you steal it [i.e. put it in a bag? or walk out? etc]? I don't think there are enough minutes in the day to start to explain that process. Each item being different poses a different method of embezzlement. And let's not even get started on the sensor tag issue.
Have you ever been arrested? I have been caught but never arrested for stealing, or anything else for that matter.
If so, what were you caught stealing? As mentioned above there was the case of the pens. When I was about 14 I went on a spree throughout the mall and with an uneventful end at Nobody Beats The Wiz. Apparrently a secret shopper found me concealing the movie "Death Becomes Her" and I was taken to the back room. All other items taken throughout the day eventually came to light, icluding a vibrator I got for my friend. Representatives from each store we took from that day were called to collect all the items we stole and embarrassment undeniably ensued. Our photos were taken and my friend and I were baned from the store for a year. Under the condition that we write and mail a letter of apology to the store, no further charges were brought. Then there was last year when I was caught for an 89 cent flash light at Ocean State Job Lot. It really wasn't my fault that I was caught, but I had to pay a $250 fine for that friggin flashlight.
What's the most expensive thing[s] you've ever stolen? There's not really one item that is the most expensive but there have been days where the tally has reached upwards of $400. Sometimes I keep the price tags to add it all up when I get home.
What's your favorite stolen item: Probably my digital camera and Polaroid Izone because I get the most use out of them. Other favorites include my lightup disco ball and my pillow cases. Everyone seems to comment on them when they enter my room.
If I am not the definition of Kleptomaniacy then I don't know what is. I must stress that I would never steal money or anything of someone's personal belongings, however I would like to one day steal the hearts and admiration of the nation and hopefully much of the civilized world. So it would be unfortunate if people's assumtions were that I am just a shoplifter or someone who can't be trusted with children, because I know I am so much more then that. And I can be trusted with children, it was just that one time...
Why'd you start? Seeing that I barely have any cash flow, my insatiable need for material possessions needed to be compensated for. Freeness = excellence. I also think it's funny that I can acquire so many things without payment or anyone noticing. So comedic value plays a role as well.
What was the earliest thing you can remember stealing? I don't know the 1st thing I ever stole, but the 1st thing I was ever caught for was a set of pens from Stop&Shop.
What's the last thing you can remember stealing? My last trip to the mall I shoplifted 6 shirts from Abercrombie Kids; 2 shirts from H&M; 2 shirts from Areopastale; 2 necklaces from Gap; and hair spray, gel, and a CD case from Dollar Plus! Immediately following the mall I pillaged a tuna fish sandwich and a fat free chocolate milk from Stop&shop and then snuck into a movie.
When was that? About 2 weeks ago...actually I've stolen some gum and face wash since then, but the theft of those 2 things are so common for me that it holds no real impact on my inventory of stolen goods. But wait, there is the chair I am sitting on right now which got from Bingo's Chineese restaurant and a table from a psychic reading business. That's pretty bad if I can't even keep track of the last thing I stole, but the theivery of the table was quite halarious.
How'd you steal it [i.e. put it in a bag? or walk out? etc]? I don't think there are enough minutes in the day to start to explain that process. Each item being different poses a different method of embezzlement. And let's not even get started on the sensor tag issue.
Have you ever been arrested? I have been caught but never arrested for stealing, or anything else for that matter.
If so, what were you caught stealing? As mentioned above there was the case of the pens. When I was about 14 I went on a spree throughout the mall and with an uneventful end at Nobody Beats The Wiz. Apparrently a secret shopper found me concealing the movie "Death Becomes Her" and I was taken to the back room. All other items taken throughout the day eventually came to light, icluding a vibrator I got for my friend. Representatives from each store we took from that day were called to collect all the items we stole and embarrassment undeniably ensued. Our photos were taken and my friend and I were baned from the store for a year. Under the condition that we write and mail a letter of apology to the store, no further charges were brought. Then there was last year when I was caught for an 89 cent flash light at Ocean State Job Lot. It really wasn't my fault that I was caught, but I had to pay a $250 fine for that friggin flashlight.
What's the most expensive thing[s] you've ever stolen? There's not really one item that is the most expensive but there have been days where the tally has reached upwards of $400. Sometimes I keep the price tags to add it all up when I get home.
What's your favorite stolen item: Probably my digital camera and Polaroid Izone because I get the most use out of them. Other favorites include my lightup disco ball and my pillow cases. Everyone seems to comment on them when they enter my room.
If I am not the definition of Kleptomaniacy then I don't know what is. I must stress that I would never steal money or anything of someone's personal belongings, however I would like to one day steal the hearts and admiration of the nation and hopefully much of the civilized world. So it would be unfortunate if people's assumtions were that I am just a shoplifter or someone who can't be trusted with children, because I know I am so much more then that. And I can be trusted with children, it was just that one time...