not completed
How do I explain it to people who "don't get it?" How can I make anyone see that I am truly ill. No, I'm not bleeding. I'm not bruised. I'm not coughing or sniffling. So how can I show you that even without those symptoms I am ill. "Bi-polar," "Mood disorder," "PTSD" these are the labels society gives it. These are the labels the doctors put on my files. But how do I make you see that I am sick. When it hurts to smile, hurts to laugh how do you expect me to "just fake it?" I envy those of you who can "fake it." I wish I could put myself in to the shoes of someone who can change their mood by keeping busy or with a change of scenery. A change of mindset. But I can't control my emotions. My anger. My tears. My anxiety. I could feel angry for days. Anxious for months. And sad all the time. Please, how can I function well enough to make you happy? How can I fit in to a society that doesn't accept that some people cannot just be happy? That some people can't control their emotions. What should I say to all of you? When I hide away and you think I'm giving up. But I'm not giving up. I have dreams, and I have ambition. But sometimes, I can't see my dreams through the fear and the tears. Sometimes my ambition has to take a back seat to my anger. I can't make up excuses for how I feel anymore. Because when I make up excuses to please you they burn a hole completely through my soul. But what else can I give to you other than the excuses that ease your mind? It would make you uneasy to hear how I really feel. And if I told you, would you take it as the truth or would you think it was all in my head? Who are we to judge what is debilitating? Is someone with the flu sicker than someone who thinks of suicide? Is someone with a broken leg in more pain than someone anxiety ridden and teary eyed? As I break down. Have a panic attack. Sob uncontrollably. Am I bad person because I can't "walk it off?" As all these questions run through my head. What runs through yours?