Week 3/11: Small goes to gym
GUYS, THANK YOU FOR YESTERDAY. YOU ARE LOVELY, SHINY PEOPLE.
Half Marathon training log, weeks 1-3/11
With grim predictability, I have made a pig's ear out of the first training, which put me on the sideline for the first week.
The next day after I signed up, I went to gym to try my powers.
Cast: Me, My Calves, Unjustified Optimism.
Me: „All the articles about training for a half-marathon say that the first-time runners are often too eager and strain themselves. This will obviously not happen to me, since I am not an idiot. Fast walk and jogging for the first 15 minutes should do it. “
Unjustified Optimism: „Warmup, schmormup. You are feeling fine. Of course they write that shit. Leg it.“
I legged it.
After 50 minutes
The Calves: „You will note that while we are not hurting, we are very unnaturally stiff. Isn't that interesting.“
Unjustified Optimism: „Do I hear pathetic moaning of losers who did not move properly for last three months?“
The Calves: „Yes. That's our point.“
Unjustified Optimism: „Talk to the hand.“
One day later
The Calves: „You will note that we are still very unnaturally stiff. Has this ever happened to you before?“
Me: „..no.“
The Calves: „Interesting.“
Unjustified Optimism: „HI! So, I have talked to Calves and initially I got a bit nervous because they seem to have some grim plans, but then I thought HEY! What those guys need is some MASSIVE STRETCHING! Like, for an HOUR! I just BET that will CHEER THEM UP 8D !!!“
Me: „…K.“
I went to power yoga class and stretched till I was a foot longer.
One day later still, 5:00 AM
The Calves: „Wake up, bitch. Guess who just transformed into two gigantic razor blades dipped in acid?“
Me: „OWw. The FUCK?“
The Calves: „That´s right.“ *high five each other*
Me: „…er. Optimism…?“
The Calves: „He's dead.“
After this display of clever thinking, I managed one fast walk that week. On second week, it was one fast walk and three times gym, with warm-ups so long that I almost fell asleep on the machine. Third week endeth now. It contained two lovely gym trainings with proper running and tempo laps. After which I got cramps of gross magnitude and Red Card arrived in her hideous F1; nothing doing, but it means I sat on my bum since Thursday and if I get to move it tomorrow, I'll be surprised.
But there are still two months left and, provided I don't do anything stupid, I should be ok, at least in terms of finishing. I am Cautiously Optimistic (he wasn't really dead, just in rehab).
So, yay.