Caring
Yeah...i'm going to try to explain this the best I can...Yes I will act mad at Halsey, I do insult her, but the truth of the fact is I love her, I really do, and it kills me to know she's happier with this guy than she was with me...I'm not sure what I did to hurt her, and it doesn't matter any more, because she literally hates me, and for me it is just another act. Acting, theres a career I should pursue...they say acting like nothing is wrong when really being eaten alive is hardest to do...Well then I mastered it, fake smiles, false laughs is my life...just like the band name "smile empty soul" I'm a smiling empty soul, and when Halsey's warmth left me, it left a frigid darkness left. She gave me a 2nd heart in actuallity, the one before her was crushed, and useless, left me dead. When she came along it was too late to repair anything so she replaced what was broken with something newer, something better...herself. I was able to love again, I was given faith that maybe life can't be as bad as it was because she was the only thing I looked forward to. But she's gone now, and it feels like there is nothing there anymore...nothing at all, just an emptyness to for the spiders to make their webs and hopefully catch some form of affection instead of insects. I've been being such a prick to Halsey because i'm trying to convince myself of the biggest lie I've ever told myself...that I hate her, and it's taking all this work and it's not paying off, but to let up would make me drop to my knees and come crawling back...I love her, if there was a word larger than that, i'd use that but love is the strongest word, and strongest essence man will ever possess and for that we should thank the lord for giving us that much of a gift, because without love he would have truely left us naked when he kicked Adam and Eve out of the Garden Of Eden, and we'd be forever cold, naked, and bitter people. But then again to forget about love is so impossible and it's at this time I wish god's help the most to help me forget it for just awhile, and know what it is like to go just one day, no just one hour without thinking about her, and how much I do miss her, and being hers. But I guess to help one forget love would be a ruthless crime on his part so in a way I can understand why I must deal with the pain.