(no subject)
i thought avoiding relationships meant avoiding pain in relationships... well, for the most part that should be true. basically, i feel like i'm getting out of a three year relationship... obviously not that painful, lol luckily romantic relationships are 1000000000x more intense. so the comparision is different, but when you've lived with someone for three years and you spend most of your time with them... they're just down the hall, just a text or shout away. there to listen to you, there to give you advice anytime of day because they're right there.. it's hard.. Amy and i haven't had a boyfriend throughout college... sure, we've dated guys, gone on a double-date even, gone through alot of BS with guys, together, but it's like we've been that replacement.. instead of texting a boyfriend, i text my friends, i hangout w/my friends, i stay up laughing w/my friends and the last 3 years since we've been roommates, amy has been that person for the most part in one way or another. we're just very complimentary... i have friends that I'm a lot alike and i enjoy them in ways that i cant enjoy other friends, but amy and i are different, but there's this complimentary factor that enables us to get along/live together... honestly, i dont know how she puts up w/me sometmes... i know if i lived w/someone just like me, i would want to strangle them, but somehow we get along perfectly. she would like to date me in the guy version and i would like to date her in the guy version. part of me thinks it's the gemini / aquarius thing.. read any astrological thing about those two signs and it always talks about how well they get along. it's crazy. anyway... i just read her blog - http://amylynn001.blogspot.com/2009/07/gone-fishing.html
and started bawwwling... i had already gone in the bathroom and cried today about it (yes, amy, after you said you wrote a blog i briefly peeked at it and had a feeling it was about this..lol) but this just put me over the edge. for the most part ive been putting off thinking about it.. staying busy. trying to enjoy the time i have left in seattle. And I can still do that, luckily. The thing is is that I am excited about entering a new place and doing new things, it will force me to go out and be social in portland, even though i wish amy were there. It's post-college life, things are supposed to change and things will, it's inevitable that you will have to leave some people or be left or move on or out. It just happens. You cant have everything. I'm still telling myself that Amy will move to Portland eventually.. especially w/the world ending and all ;) I'm sure she'll want to be close to her D303 roomies. I gotta go to the Triple Door/hangout w/darren/kevin/watch amy do rockband stuff then come home. I could write a lot more but I'm sure there will be a few more blogs about this. This hit me a few weeks ago too when I was missing hanging out w/Kris and I started thinking about who I'd be leaving behind in Seattle (namely Amy). Darren, this is when you were still in salem, if you read this..lol. anyway i was like crying walking around the track w/my ipod trying to listen to really distracting music so i could stop crying about it.. anywho...i hate how that kinda stuff hits randomly. enough of that. I need to finish getting ready!!