(no subject)
Every day it's getting colder and colder but still there is no snow, today it finally had some flurries but it's windy as fuck so it doesn't even matter i just want it to be one of those days where huge snow flakes fall from the sky all day...winter is the most poetic season by far, well at least during a good winter in WI.
I've been sick for like a fucking week and the more time that i have to spend inside wasting my life the more i just get the urge to end it...there are so many days where i have to look at my self and the only thing i see is a distorted view of an extremely ugly person, but then it goes as far as i see myself as an ugly person physically but then i just feel worse about the person that i actually am. I often sit and contemplate whether or not my friends like me, i more often than not automatically assume that people hate me but if they knew what i think about then i would bet that they wouldn't necessarily hate me but i have a good feeling that they wouldn't want to spend time with me, but is that actually the truth or is it more less my self esteem fucking up they way i am percieveing things. Oh well none of that makes any fucking sense, who cares no one reads this shit anyways.
Three more days until the metal in my mouth is substantially reduced, i hate my fucking herpst appliance.
My mom was supposed to spend this after noon with me after i got home from work but she came and visited me and told me that she already went and did everything already because she wasn't feeling good, thats because she drank too much the night before like always, i would also say that she has a problem with responsibility.
Today i hate myself more than i did yesterday, maybe when i go to work that has something to do with it.
I hate some of the people the people some may call my "friends" but really they are just fucking stupid ass cunts, they make me want to never have to wake up more so than my family does...and thats bad news right there, they don't even realize how much stress they add to everything that i already have to push aside to go an hour without wanting to slash a big X on my chest or carve some other cliche word onto my thigh. I'm seriously so fucking lame
I've been sick for like a fucking week and the more time that i have to spend inside wasting my life the more i just get the urge to end it...there are so many days where i have to look at my self and the only thing i see is a distorted view of an extremely ugly person, but then it goes as far as i see myself as an ugly person physically but then i just feel worse about the person that i actually am. I often sit and contemplate whether or not my friends like me, i more often than not automatically assume that people hate me but if they knew what i think about then i would bet that they wouldn't necessarily hate me but i have a good feeling that they wouldn't want to spend time with me, but is that actually the truth or is it more less my self esteem fucking up they way i am percieveing things. Oh well none of that makes any fucking sense, who cares no one reads this shit anyways.
Three more days until the metal in my mouth is substantially reduced, i hate my fucking herpst appliance.
My mom was supposed to spend this after noon with me after i got home from work but she came and visited me and told me that she already went and did everything already because she wasn't feeling good, thats because she drank too much the night before like always, i would also say that she has a problem with responsibility.
Today i hate myself more than i did yesterday, maybe when i go to work that has something to do with it.
I hate some of the people the people some may call my "friends" but really they are just fucking stupid ass cunts, they make me want to never have to wake up more so than my family does...and thats bad news right there, they don't even realize how much stress they add to everything that i already have to push aside to go an hour without wanting to slash a big X on my chest or carve some other cliche word onto my thigh. I'm seriously so fucking lame