slowly falling
I'm under a rediculous amount of pressure right now. It puts me under a cloud of depression and stress. My Mom, my boyfriend, my job; everything is crashing down on me and hurting me without even realizing it. My Mom puts pressure on me to go to the university she wants me to. She also frequently gets on rants about how I supposedly work too much. The truth is, when she does that it makes me mentally believe that I can't do it because she is stressing me out about it. I have the most horribly feeling that I'm not going to be able to get into UF and if I don't, I know my Mom is going to make it into the biggest dissapointment from me to her in my lifetime. I can hardly bear the thought of the conversation I'd have to endure after realizing that I am unable to go there. I feel like a walking failure. I'm behind in almost every class because I just can't seem to get myself together. I want to be able to make time for family, boyfriend, friends, school, and work but it's just too hard and I feel myself breaking down and crumbling to the floor. I just can't make time for it all and I am hurting because of it. My family complains if I'm not around enough so I try to be. Then my boyfriend complains that I'm not around enough and I try to be. Next my friends complain that I'm not around enough and I try to be. And there's work and school, the most demanding, that I am obligated to go to; no questions asked from them. My grades fall under this pressure because I become to feel worthless; like I can't do anything. I hurt when I feel this way; deeply and truely. I want to go to UF so badly but I can't seem to get my life straight. My Mom would say "If you wanted to go there so badly then you would have straight A's..." It's just not that easy and she doesn't understand. I feel like a running machine that's never allowed to stop and keeps screwing up because I have too many responsibilities and not enough time to keep up with all of them. I will try to breath. I will try to overcome my mind. I will do my best. If I fail, it really will be... my greatest disappointment.