reminisc
So. I haven't done this in a while. I actually just recently thought about LJ and came on to read old entrys. Ever since that day I haven't stopped thinking about things from that time period. Or maybe just one person in particular. I haven't talked to him in so long. The last time I talked to him was just a simple conversation on AIM. I believe it was back in February when I was still dating Corey. Wow must have been right before we broke up. Anyways, he was still dating her, and not really exactly allowed to talk to me. I heard that he broke up with her and she moved back here. I didn't really think much of it. But I think graduation changed me. All through highschool I just kept taking every new chapter as it came and never looked back. Now, of all times, I decide to look back. A part of me just feels that it's too late to think of these things and that I should focus on the future but it seems like I can do nothing but think about those old times and old feelings and how much I miss them. I'd give anything to feel that way for someone again. I wish he knew that I wanted to talk to him. I always wondered if he ever thought of me at times or if he ever wanted to talk to me. I remember the very last time he ever called me. I didn't really want a whole lot to do with him then and he had just started dating her. He was talking to me about their problems to me. And then that led to him telling me that she'd never be me. And he liked her but it was nothing like what we had. I really didn't understand how I was supposed to take hearing that. I freaked out a little without him knowing. But after we hung up phones, he called back about three times that night and I never answered. I want to say that was like November or December of not last year but the year before that. A couple monthes before I met Steven I believe it was. I frequently wonder how he's doing up there. I've only told about two people that I've thought of trying to reach him somehow and both have told me that they've also tried and never did. It kinda discouraged me a little. I'd really like to talk to someone that actually has talked to him. I keep wondering if it's even worth it to try because I don't know if he'd want to talk to me or not. A part of me thinks he would just out of his own personal curiosity and a part of me thinks he wouldn't just because. I really hope he does. I'm not sure what this me contacting him thing will bring. I have a feeling it will either give me closure from this wretched way I've felt since I figured out I want to talk to him or maybe we'll form some kind of a friendship. I don't know. That's why I feel it's so important to get ahold of him because I'm never going to ever know until I try. And if I don't I'm just going to always wonder; which is a horrible feeling. I missed LJ :] I think I'll be returning here more. Even though I know no one comes on here anymore. It almost makes it better because I'm not sure if I'd really like someone to read this. Possibly the person it's about and that's not even for sure. Well I'm out for now.
-whitney
-whitney