"Do people really think we just sit around all day and do each other?"

Oct 24, 2008 12:51

The ease in which I've slid back down into small town life is vaguely disorientating at times. So is my lack of spelling skills, but no one seems to complain. Due to the utter lack of anything jobwise due to the damn economy- I've found myself back at the home of my parentals.

Anyone who has known me for any amount of time knows my thoughts concerning my parents. I'm pretty sure the real Queen of Evil- is my mother. I keep noticing her do things that I didn't know I was just repeating- a shadow of someone I kind of hated until recently. We grow into repeats of repeats of repeats. How terrifying. We are nothing but remixes of songs not good enough to even radio edit in most cases.

How's that for a wake up call?

Since coming back home I've once again drifted back into my old highschool habits. Waffle House almost every night with late night coffee drinking. I keep running into old friends. These old friends immediately become interested when I mention I have no children and start talking about how they want me to meet theirs. Maybe we can have dinner sometime. Hang out. Catch up on old times. The moment I become a good catch- is the moment we slip into the twilight zone.

I have father daughter moments. I lie for my little brother. We had a conversation that went like this today-

"I just heard dad tell mom that you skipped school today and that I had beer in my car. We are in trouble when they get home"
-Yeah- they aren't going to yell at us. Mom never yells at you anyway.
"That is bullshit. Yes she will. I'm the family disappointment.I'm so over hearing about how i'm an alcoholic even though I really don't drink anymore. Also- dad just spent 10 mins trying to convince me you don't drink"
-*lots of laughing* Yeah. sure I don't drink. Why do you care about what they think anyway? It doesn't matter. They don't matter. You know the truth. So who cares?

It was at this moment... that I saw myself in my little brother. It was eerie. Being reminded of things I've said forever to my parents in front of him...to him...to everyone.. for years... He told me how it was. haha.

I was also told by an old friend.. that I need to stop this dating out of town guys shit...find myself a nice guy from Ringgold..get married and settle down.. I was just wasting time otherwise.

*Insert Terror Here*
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