Thinking hurts my head and my neck :(
I was at my Grandma Gardner's last night and we were going through her old jewelry to get rid of what she doesn't wear and I found the certificate and reciept to her wedding ring from my grandpa. I could tell she didn't really know what to do with it, and in the end she threw it away. I felt really bad that I was there because I don't know, I guess I feel like it was a private, personal thing and I shouldn't have been there to see her throw away the reciept for her wedding ring from her husband. On the way home I started thinking and I felt really bad for how I always judge her and for how I didn't want to go see her and spend the night and I felt awful for being so selfish. I feel like I always compare her to my other grandma, which isn't fair at all because they're totally different people who have had completely different life experiences. I guess I just thought that Grandma Spesard has had this hard life and she's come out strong and that I want to be like her and I never give Grandma Gardner any credit. In the shower I started crying because of how selfish I am because I didn't want to go spend one night with my grandma. One night. She lives for her grandkids and I bitched about spending one night with her. That led me to think about my relationship with the rest of my family. I'm close to Mom. Will and I are getting closer, but we've never had a close relationship, and that sucks. I want him to be my friend and my brother, not just my brother. The rest of my family seems like they're just there. I see them when I go to Illinois and my entire family is getting together. Family should mean more than that. I don't know. It's been a contemplative day.
I got shoplifted from today and it really bothered me a lot. Usually I don't really care if someone steals from the shop, but today it made me so mad basically just because I gave these people a chance. I could have followed them like a hawk just because they were black and using a voucher. I was just helpful and when I was ringing the girl up and I felt like something was up with the other girl and she left the store, so when they were both gone I went and checked stuff up front where she was and sure enough, three tops and a pair of pants are gone. It's Dickie's too, so it's not like they stole the cheap stuff. I guess it just made me mad because it furthers the stereotype people have of these women. Plus I feel like an idiot because I get stolen from all the time.
To try to make up for a shitty day I decided to go get shoes, but they didn't have anything I wanted. Instead I listened to music with the windows down really loud. My neck and shoulders were so tense and they actually hurt really bad. They still kind of are, but I've relaxed a little bit since then. I'm watching the first season of Laguna Beach (thank you Mama Garz!). I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about. If you guys read all of this, congratulations. I love you guys. See you at formal night.
I got shoplifted from today and it really bothered me a lot. Usually I don't really care if someone steals from the shop, but today it made me so mad basically just because I gave these people a chance. I could have followed them like a hawk just because they were black and using a voucher. I was just helpful and when I was ringing the girl up and I felt like something was up with the other girl and she left the store, so when they were both gone I went and checked stuff up front where she was and sure enough, three tops and a pair of pants are gone. It's Dickie's too, so it's not like they stole the cheap stuff. I guess it just made me mad because it furthers the stereotype people have of these women. Plus I feel like an idiot because I get stolen from all the time.
To try to make up for a shitty day I decided to go get shoes, but they didn't have anything I wanted. Instead I listened to music with the windows down really loud. My neck and shoulders were so tense and they actually hurt really bad. They still kind of are, but I've relaxed a little bit since then. I'm watching the first season of Laguna Beach (thank you Mama Garz!). I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about. If you guys read all of this, congratulations. I love you guys. See you at formal night.