(no subject)
I don't even know where to start.
I was just trying to take a nap, and the more i laid there, the more I thought, and the more I thought, the more depressed I got.
I thought about a lot of things.
I realized that a lot of my friends, aren't really my friends. They keep me around because I smoke them up, which is ridiculous.
I'm not a pothead. Not at all. I smoke because I can afford it and because it's a good time. I don't have to smoke. And if I wanted to, I could easily stop.
I hate when people expect shit from me too. Just because I do something once or twice trying to be nice and generous, doesn't mean that it's an all the time deal and that you can take advantage of it.
I feel like no one really even cares if they hang out with me or talk to me or not. And no one cares when I'm upset. I'll try and talk to someone about my problems and try and get advice from people and they always interrupt me to talk about their lives. Which is fine, because I care about my friends. But it would be nice if for once they could put their problems aside and help me with mine. I think that's only fair.
I realize that I fucked up a lot of really good friendships. I hurt and lost a lot of friends that really did care about me and cared about my wellbeing. I think that hurts the most.
My job which I've been at for years is closing and it's really tearing me apart. No one realizes what it's like for me because they've never been in the situation. But we've all been there for so long, it's like a huge piece of our lives is being taken away. I felt like I was getting paid to hang out with my friends. And I feel like those friends have become my family. Even my bosses who are bitches and assholes have become important parts of my life and it's extremely upsetting to see it go.
I haven't called a lot of my friends in a few days, just to see if they would call me. And they haven't. I don't know whether or not i should just call them and confront them about it or just leave it be.
I fucked up things with Justin. Which sucks but at the same time doesn't. I'm not girlfriend material. I'm damaged goods. Him being gone just made me realize that even more. I'm so fucked up inside that I don't even know how to have a relationship anymore.
My best friend is moving to Texas. My dad's a drunk. My mom doesn't take time out of her day to talk to me. I lost my job. My other job takes ridiculous advantage of me. They don't respect me. And they treat me like shit just because I'm the youngest one there.
I don't know what to do with my life.
I miss my friends. I miss my old life. I'm sick of being the laid-back carefree person. I mean it's good but eventually shit catches up to you. And then it's no fun for anyone.
I just wish people would stop taking advantage of me and just treat me with respect and treat me like a person. And i wish people would actually care about me enough to pick up the phone and fucking talk to me. And to be there when I need them to be.
I was just trying to take a nap, and the more i laid there, the more I thought, and the more I thought, the more depressed I got.
I thought about a lot of things.
I realized that a lot of my friends, aren't really my friends. They keep me around because I smoke them up, which is ridiculous.
I'm not a pothead. Not at all. I smoke because I can afford it and because it's a good time. I don't have to smoke. And if I wanted to, I could easily stop.
I hate when people expect shit from me too. Just because I do something once or twice trying to be nice and generous, doesn't mean that it's an all the time deal and that you can take advantage of it.
I feel like no one really even cares if they hang out with me or talk to me or not. And no one cares when I'm upset. I'll try and talk to someone about my problems and try and get advice from people and they always interrupt me to talk about their lives. Which is fine, because I care about my friends. But it would be nice if for once they could put their problems aside and help me with mine. I think that's only fair.
I realize that I fucked up a lot of really good friendships. I hurt and lost a lot of friends that really did care about me and cared about my wellbeing. I think that hurts the most.
My job which I've been at for years is closing and it's really tearing me apart. No one realizes what it's like for me because they've never been in the situation. But we've all been there for so long, it's like a huge piece of our lives is being taken away. I felt like I was getting paid to hang out with my friends. And I feel like those friends have become my family. Even my bosses who are bitches and assholes have become important parts of my life and it's extremely upsetting to see it go.
I haven't called a lot of my friends in a few days, just to see if they would call me. And they haven't. I don't know whether or not i should just call them and confront them about it or just leave it be.
I fucked up things with Justin. Which sucks but at the same time doesn't. I'm not girlfriend material. I'm damaged goods. Him being gone just made me realize that even more. I'm so fucked up inside that I don't even know how to have a relationship anymore.
My best friend is moving to Texas. My dad's a drunk. My mom doesn't take time out of her day to talk to me. I lost my job. My other job takes ridiculous advantage of me. They don't respect me. And they treat me like shit just because I'm the youngest one there.
I don't know what to do with my life.
I miss my friends. I miss my old life. I'm sick of being the laid-back carefree person. I mean it's good but eventually shit catches up to you. And then it's no fun for anyone.
I just wish people would stop taking advantage of me and just treat me with respect and treat me like a person. And i wish people would actually care about me enough to pick up the phone and fucking talk to me. And to be there when I need them to be.