How French Kids Eat Everything by Karen Le Billon confirms my own thoughts on parenting.
I may have very few anxieties about passing a ~3kg human through my vagina - but I am concerned about the next 18 years.
I was shopping at the local Vinnies (op shop) prior to Pete's casual contact being upgraded to covid positive, and I found this book I had been meaning to read, titled "French kids eat everything".
One thing I am concerned about, is rearing (yes I do think kids are quite like animals) a child is food and eating. My simple childhood in Western Sydney with migrant from cross cultural backgrounds (Maltese and Indonesian) - Europe and Asia instilled a very open mind toward food, with almost zero fear (was a bit worried about eating fried maggots in Thailand but I ended up really enjoying them as my Burmese friend who was raised in Thailand looked at my sceptically. Her father, knew his Burmese wife liked those snacks wasn't worried and since he didn't seem worried - I ate one, then.. all...). I'm rarely a hassle with food. I eat what I'm given wherever I am- and even if its... not great I'll eat a reasonable portion.
I assumed, this was the case for most people.
Until, I met Pete and his mother (MIL)...
Here's a story. So it was October 25 2019, my fathers funeral and the MIL had driven down from Port Macquarie for the funeral. I'd wished I'd thought to put the MIL with my mum in her house to relieve my own stress of organising the whole thing (which wasn't that hard, I hired a director rather than going things alone or doing anything hippie that my fantastical hippie heart might have desired). She stayed with us.
Post the funeral, I went with a friend who had a costco membership to buy food from costco for everyone to have at the house. The MIL and her son (Pete) went to my mum's in advance. My aunt had made some traditional Indonesian rice in leaves dish (which, Btw. I remember not getting to try as they ran out) - and the MIL being out of her cultural comfort zone in my mother's kitchen surrounded by Indonesian Chinese women of a similar age group -tried the rice thing. To then realise it had anchovies and promptly, basically, threw up in front of them.
I had forgotten to warn my mother about her extreme sensitive pal latte (read:old world country Australian) where a childhood diet of boiled vegetables and plain meat means anything more adventurous was... likely to be a disaster.
There's nothing wrong with traditional old country Australian, except for it's lack of variety which, in today's modern society can become a handicap. I felt sorry for the MIL who clearly also felt sorry for herself. She's never travelled outside Australia (having no Australian passport either) and the idea of going to a foreign restaurant (Thai or Chinese) probably had't crossed her mind ever - let alone, trying traditional, made at home, Indonesian cuisine.
So based on this, Pete has somehow managed to become pretty adventurous despite such a culinary limited childhood. But he has gone on this "snack- lifestyle - keto - I don't eat real meals - whats a meal? what's balance? vegetables come in bags and I don't want to cook" life style along my rigid 6 meals a day GDM balanced counted wholegrain carbs during pregnancy which I actually think is worth keeping post pregnancy, with less counting and rigidity.
Raising a kid amongst all of this... feels like an insurmountable task.
As the book asserts - and I completely agree - children learn from their parents. And conflicting messaging is not going to help matters. I offer Pete some of what I eat for dinner every day and he refuses. And its not on the grounds of Keto; he can skip the rice and make whatever it is I'm eating just as Keto as a peice of meat or cheese (snack).
Hearing nurses in the tearoom say how they cook 3 or 4 different types of meals for dinner (discussed as "short order cooking" in FKEE is also anxiety inducing. I know Pete will always just sort himself out but that's not how I envision family works. Family is eating together, the same thing. Socialising in society: going to people's houses for dinner, this is what you do. Going to a restaurant, you may get to pick, but at the end of the day, its one cuisine, and what do you do with cultures where the food is served to the group to share (Spanish, Chinese and some Italian items).
FKEE gives reassuring tips on not being afraid to hear your child refuse food, and being okay with that - and then the courage to re-offer that food item at a later time. No pandering to picky tastes. They can always say no, but not to be rude about it. No ew or disgusting or some tantrum. its a no thankyou, encouragement to just try a little anyway (no pressure to finish it) and whatever dish is on offer is the dish on offer. No exceptions.
I have no issues with this method. But if Pete won't eat what I make or what my mother gives me to eat (which btw. is amazing) then the kid is not going to be encouraged to try new things. If they see him refuse with not even trying... I can already foresee troubled waters.
In fact, I think training the kid will be easy. Just the same as training a kitten to shake hands for food. What seems like an insurmountable task is easily achieved with patience, and consistency. That took 2 days. I almost got to fetch (Well. best I could get was paw the ball towards me because she never put it in her mouth - she is a cat after all, not a dog) but for lack of patience and consistency didn't get very far. Next year, I won't have a job and the year after that I'll be on reduced hours. The kid is my main concern. And it's human, it'll be way easier.
But. From this book, as I can see Karen Le Billion herself learns she needs to train her own self, change her own habits, to be the model for her children. Unfortunately she starts a little late (when the kids are 2 and 5) but it's not impossible. And luckily for her (or is it unlucky) - her husband required 0 training and completely agreed to the method. It was she, who realised herself was in the wrong - and that her own bad habits (Americanised, sheltered, fast food and even faster everything) drove her children to be picky, annoying, selective eaters that caused nightmareish meals that were stressful. I don't know how her husband (having experienced the eating everything) tollerated that, and actually, it sounds like he hated it too. Karen realised she became her children's slave to their wants, rather than a teacher to them of what is a sensible and balanced way to eat.
Karen found this when she whimsically decided to move the whole family to her husband's home town for 1 year.
Karen then realised that society itself in France was fully geared toward ensuring children had the best food and balance, and was trained to have a diverse a palate as their parents. Wore clothes like their parents (rather than "kid clothes" had table manners and patience that she found lacking in the American children back home.
The most negative thing about my childhood was probably having parents with post WW2 attitudes to food servings. Having come from poverty-ish backgrounds where food was scarce, to the abundance of Australia, both my parents had eyes bigger than their stomaches and whilst my dad was initially larger anyway, my mum followed quickly from probably a size 4, to when I was born, a size 14. She didn't loose the baby weight until I was approx, 20s - and both never really understand "excersize" (a concept I understood after picking up Dragon boat at 23) but my habits, too, are based on theirs. Height hides a lot but BMI doesn't lie.
Reading Karen's book makes me realise that rather than waiting until I have to go through this with the kid, I better first start training Pete to at least try everything. Rather than offering and letting him say no and then eat alongside me his "keto snack" (inevitably un-kidfriendly, and unbalanced food item).
I'll see if I can get him to at least try all the things I eat for dinner (which these days, is cooked by my mum) and to foster a somewhat more ... "traditional" style of family dinner that I think is a very sweet thing to have in one's childhood. It doesn't need to be every day - after all, I'll likely work late shifts some days - and Pete will have to go it alone on some days but most days, this should be achievable.
Why do I think training Pete will be harder than the kid?
Not everything is perfect
I think the culture of France sounds a lot like Japan. Monoculture.
There is literally one way to do things, and only one way that's considered the right way.
Which had its draw backs. Karen writes that neither her nor her husband could remain in France anyway (Despite the 1 year move being a potentially long term thing) because neither could have retained their jobs should they have wanted to stay, and also - looking for a similar level job would have been considered impossible as their qualifications and etc. were from overseas. This is despite her husband being a local until he went to university. He had some reservations about the move, but she convinced him.
At some points she did miss the variety of a multicultural society like Canada's (where they were living before the French experiment) but on returning back she realised that in becoming so diversified, the common goal of families in Canada(and or/North America) is to train a so called 'prodigy' with endless lessons and activities and rushing about (eating snacks as there are no proper times for meals).
When I think of monocultures I also think of Japan. And S, inevitably.
Karen finds solidarity in migrant parents who were also at the same Canadian
Australia/Canada/USA is similar because despite dominant Caucasian - overall this place is becoming more and more multicultural by the millisecond (or was until covid hit). Some parts faster than others (my mum's area - 98% of the kids attending school speak another language besides English at home, whilst in my area, its more like 25%)
I wonder what it'll be like going through another childhood (but through the eyes of the next generation).
It took me approx 2 days to finish reading it and I had trouble putting it down.
I was shopping at the local Vinnies (op shop) prior to Pete's casual contact being upgraded to covid positive, and I found this book I had been meaning to read, titled "French kids eat everything".
One thing I am concerned about, is rearing (yes I do think kids are quite like animals) a child is food and eating. My simple childhood in Western Sydney with migrant from cross cultural backgrounds (Maltese and Indonesian) - Europe and Asia instilled a very open mind toward food, with almost zero fear (was a bit worried about eating fried maggots in Thailand but I ended up really enjoying them as my Burmese friend who was raised in Thailand looked at my sceptically. Her father, knew his Burmese wife liked those snacks wasn't worried and since he didn't seem worried - I ate one, then.. all...). I'm rarely a hassle with food. I eat what I'm given wherever I am- and even if its... not great I'll eat a reasonable portion.
I assumed, this was the case for most people.
Until, I met Pete and his mother (MIL)...
Here's a story. So it was October 25 2019, my fathers funeral and the MIL had driven down from Port Macquarie for the funeral. I'd wished I'd thought to put the MIL with my mum in her house to relieve my own stress of organising the whole thing (which wasn't that hard, I hired a director rather than going things alone or doing anything hippie that my fantastical hippie heart might have desired). She stayed with us.
Post the funeral, I went with a friend who had a costco membership to buy food from costco for everyone to have at the house. The MIL and her son (Pete) went to my mum's in advance. My aunt had made some traditional Indonesian rice in leaves dish (which, Btw. I remember not getting to try as they ran out) - and the MIL being out of her cultural comfort zone in my mother's kitchen surrounded by Indonesian Chinese women of a similar age group -tried the rice thing. To then realise it had anchovies and promptly, basically, threw up in front of them.
I had forgotten to warn my mother about her extreme sensitive pal latte (read:old world country Australian) where a childhood diet of boiled vegetables and plain meat means anything more adventurous was... likely to be a disaster.
There's nothing wrong with traditional old country Australian, except for it's lack of variety which, in today's modern society can become a handicap. I felt sorry for the MIL who clearly also felt sorry for herself. She's never travelled outside Australia (having no Australian passport either) and the idea of going to a foreign restaurant (Thai or Chinese) probably had't crossed her mind ever - let alone, trying traditional, made at home, Indonesian cuisine.
So based on this, Pete has somehow managed to become pretty adventurous despite such a culinary limited childhood. But he has gone on this "snack- lifestyle - keto - I don't eat real meals - whats a meal? what's balance? vegetables come in bags and I don't want to cook" life style along my rigid 6 meals a day GDM balanced counted wholegrain carbs during pregnancy which I actually think is worth keeping post pregnancy, with less counting and rigidity.
Raising a kid amongst all of this... feels like an insurmountable task.
As the book asserts - and I completely agree - children learn from their parents. And conflicting messaging is not going to help matters. I offer Pete some of what I eat for dinner every day and he refuses. And its not on the grounds of Keto; he can skip the rice and make whatever it is I'm eating just as Keto as a peice of meat or cheese (snack).
Hearing nurses in the tearoom say how they cook 3 or 4 different types of meals for dinner (discussed as "short order cooking" in FKEE is also anxiety inducing. I know Pete will always just sort himself out but that's not how I envision family works. Family is eating together, the same thing. Socialising in society: going to people's houses for dinner, this is what you do. Going to a restaurant, you may get to pick, but at the end of the day, its one cuisine, and what do you do with cultures where the food is served to the group to share (Spanish, Chinese and some Italian items).
FKEE gives reassuring tips on not being afraid to hear your child refuse food, and being okay with that - and then the courage to re-offer that food item at a later time. No pandering to picky tastes. They can always say no, but not to be rude about it. No ew or disgusting or some tantrum. its a no thankyou, encouragement to just try a little anyway (no pressure to finish it) and whatever dish is on offer is the dish on offer. No exceptions.
I have no issues with this method. But if Pete won't eat what I make or what my mother gives me to eat (which btw. is amazing) then the kid is not going to be encouraged to try new things. If they see him refuse with not even trying... I can already foresee troubled waters.
In fact, I think training the kid will be easy. Just the same as training a kitten to shake hands for food. What seems like an insurmountable task is easily achieved with patience, and consistency. That took 2 days. I almost got to fetch (Well. best I could get was paw the ball towards me because she never put it in her mouth - she is a cat after all, not a dog) but for lack of patience and consistency didn't get very far. Next year, I won't have a job and the year after that I'll be on reduced hours. The kid is my main concern. And it's human, it'll be way easier.
But. From this book, as I can see Karen Le Billion herself learns she needs to train her own self, change her own habits, to be the model for her children. Unfortunately she starts a little late (when the kids are 2 and 5) but it's not impossible. And luckily for her (or is it unlucky) - her husband required 0 training and completely agreed to the method. It was she, who realised herself was in the wrong - and that her own bad habits (Americanised, sheltered, fast food and even faster everything) drove her children to be picky, annoying, selective eaters that caused nightmareish meals that were stressful. I don't know how her husband (having experienced the eating everything) tollerated that, and actually, it sounds like he hated it too. Karen realised she became her children's slave to their wants, rather than a teacher to them of what is a sensible and balanced way to eat.
Karen found this when she whimsically decided to move the whole family to her husband's home town for 1 year.
Karen then realised that society itself in France was fully geared toward ensuring children had the best food and balance, and was trained to have a diverse a palate as their parents. Wore clothes like their parents (rather than "kid clothes" had table manners and patience that she found lacking in the American children back home.
The most negative thing about my childhood was probably having parents with post WW2 attitudes to food servings. Having come from poverty-ish backgrounds where food was scarce, to the abundance of Australia, both my parents had eyes bigger than their stomaches and whilst my dad was initially larger anyway, my mum followed quickly from probably a size 4, to when I was born, a size 14. She didn't loose the baby weight until I was approx, 20s - and both never really understand "excersize" (a concept I understood after picking up Dragon boat at 23) but my habits, too, are based on theirs. Height hides a lot but BMI doesn't lie.
Reading Karen's book makes me realise that rather than waiting until I have to go through this with the kid, I better first start training Pete to at least try everything. Rather than offering and letting him say no and then eat alongside me his "keto snack" (inevitably un-kidfriendly, and unbalanced food item).
I'll see if I can get him to at least try all the things I eat for dinner (which these days, is cooked by my mum) and to foster a somewhat more ... "traditional" style of family dinner that I think is a very sweet thing to have in one's childhood. It doesn't need to be every day - after all, I'll likely work late shifts some days - and Pete will have to go it alone on some days but most days, this should be achievable.
Why do I think training Pete will be harder than the kid?
Not everything is perfect
I think the culture of France sounds a lot like Japan. Monoculture.
There is literally one way to do things, and only one way that's considered the right way.
Which had its draw backs. Karen writes that neither her nor her husband could remain in France anyway (Despite the 1 year move being a potentially long term thing) because neither could have retained their jobs should they have wanted to stay, and also - looking for a similar level job would have been considered impossible as their qualifications and etc. were from overseas. This is despite her husband being a local until he went to university. He had some reservations about the move, but she convinced him.
At some points she did miss the variety of a multicultural society like Canada's (where they were living before the French experiment) but on returning back she realised that in becoming so diversified, the common goal of families in Canada(and or/North America) is to train a so called 'prodigy' with endless lessons and activities and rushing about (eating snacks as there are no proper times for meals).
When I think of monocultures I also think of Japan. And S, inevitably.
Karen finds solidarity in migrant parents who were also at the same Canadian
Australia/Canada/USA is similar because despite dominant Caucasian - overall this place is becoming more and more multicultural by the millisecond (or was until covid hit). Some parts faster than others (my mum's area - 98% of the kids attending school speak another language besides English at home, whilst in my area, its more like 25%)
I wonder what it'll be like going through another childhood (but through the eyes of the next generation).
It took me approx 2 days to finish reading it and I had trouble putting it down.