Tomorrow, I may know
Tomorrow, everything could change.
Or not.
Tomorrow, I may finally have a diagnosis. I'm seeing the MS Specialist, with all of my optical tests done, and all of my MRIs in hand.
Tomorrow, I may know.
I may be able to start planning on how to manage a disease that I've been told I've had before, have read up on, studied, prepared for, and though the treatments can range from painful and safe to less painful and potentially dangerous to me, I may know tomorrow that I only have to worry about trying to do the best I can, and know that I may one day be in a wheelchair or paralyzed perminantly, but I may well have a long, happy life.
Or, tomorrow, I may something else. I may be told I have something else that's ironically easier to treat (they've got pills for it, rather than injections), but again, there is no cure, and the end.... no one can guess when, but worse case scenario is more final than my MS could ever, ever be. I will, for once, finally, have to fill out a living will. Because, one day, I will need it.
Or, worst of all, I may still be in the dark. I may still be told they don't know, and I think that would be the worst news of all. I can fight something with a name, a form. I can't fight shadows. If, after all of these tests, after analyzing somewhere between 15-20 MRI scans and I don't know how many other tests, they STILL can't come up with some reasonable answer for what the hell is happening to me........ I think I will simply go mad.
Tomorrow, I hope I know. Because not knowing is the worst thing of all.
No matter what tomorrow brings.... I'm making a few changes I should have made a while ago. It's time to grow up. And while being a "big girl" isn't easy, and it hurts, I realize I'm someone's Mom, now, and some things just aren't important to me anymore -- in some cases because *I* am not important to people anymore. And that's ok; we all move on in our lives. But those things that come with resentment and pain... yeah, it's just time to grow up. I've got my health, a loving husband, and a beautiful daughter to focus my attention on. While I love my friends and many of you ARE family to me, I don't think it's wise to cling to shadows that still cause bleeding, do you? Me, neither. This is the dark time of the year, afterall. Change, change, change. Maybe, instead of moping through it this year, I'll actually do something productive...
oh, and PS -- Josh, you're in deep shit. I've been sick as a dog since Thursday night. Thanks a bunch!!!! :[
Or not.
Tomorrow, I may finally have a diagnosis. I'm seeing the MS Specialist, with all of my optical tests done, and all of my MRIs in hand.
Tomorrow, I may know.
I may be able to start planning on how to manage a disease that I've been told I've had before, have read up on, studied, prepared for, and though the treatments can range from painful and safe to less painful and potentially dangerous to me, I may know tomorrow that I only have to worry about trying to do the best I can, and know that I may one day be in a wheelchair or paralyzed perminantly, but I may well have a long, happy life.
Or, tomorrow, I may something else. I may be told I have something else that's ironically easier to treat (they've got pills for it, rather than injections), but again, there is no cure, and the end.... no one can guess when, but worse case scenario is more final than my MS could ever, ever be. I will, for once, finally, have to fill out a living will. Because, one day, I will need it.
Or, worst of all, I may still be in the dark. I may still be told they don't know, and I think that would be the worst news of all. I can fight something with a name, a form. I can't fight shadows. If, after all of these tests, after analyzing somewhere between 15-20 MRI scans and I don't know how many other tests, they STILL can't come up with some reasonable answer for what the hell is happening to me........ I think I will simply go mad.
Tomorrow, I hope I know. Because not knowing is the worst thing of all.
No matter what tomorrow brings.... I'm making a few changes I should have made a while ago. It's time to grow up. And while being a "big girl" isn't easy, and it hurts, I realize I'm someone's Mom, now, and some things just aren't important to me anymore -- in some cases because *I* am not important to people anymore. And that's ok; we all move on in our lives. But those things that come with resentment and pain... yeah, it's just time to grow up. I've got my health, a loving husband, and a beautiful daughter to focus my attention on. While I love my friends and many of you ARE family to me, I don't think it's wise to cling to shadows that still cause bleeding, do you? Me, neither. This is the dark time of the year, afterall. Change, change, change. Maybe, instead of moping through it this year, I'll actually do something productive...
oh, and PS -- Josh, you're in deep shit. I've been sick as a dog since Thursday night. Thanks a bunch!!!! :[