Sad, but doing ok....
First off I want you all to know that I am doing fine. I appreciate all your words of encouragement and advice from my last post. It means alot to me that you are all so supportive.
That said, my big news is that R left me yesterday. He packed a bag and said he needed time to think. He is not happy and he needs to take a good look at where we have been for the last 10 years and where we are going. He said I don't make him feel special, loved or wanted. I have not heard from him since about 1:00pm yesterday and I don't know when I will hear from him. The really hard part is the holidays and Liam's birthday. Of course I will do anything and everything I can to make Liam's birthday special. I will also try my best to make the holidays as normal and special as I can for the kids. We were supposed to have family pictures taken on Dec. 2nd. Also hard to think about. Liam, Megarin and I will still go and have them done. I don't know where R will be. When I talked to him on the phone yesterday he said just because he was leaving then didn't mean he was never coming back. When asked about the holidays he said that he hadn't thought that far. The big question I need to answer for myself is whether or not I want him to come back. If I do let him come back, I will never feel totally secure in the relationship. At this point, he left once and what's to say he won't leave again when we get into a fight or he gets depressed and bored with family life again? The really sad part was that last night Liam didn't mention Daddy at all. He was talking about getting a monster truck when he got older and making sure it was big enough for all of us. "The family" Then he said "You, me and sister". Daddy wasn't included. I guess that tells me alot about R's relationship with his son. I don't blame Liam. All R has done for the past several months is yell at him.
Anyway, I sat on the couch last night with Liam and cuddled and found contentment. Then this morning Megarin woke up and I just laid there with her and played and talked and she just smiled and giggled. Once again I found contentment. If I take nothing else away from this whole situation, I will have my children. I love them more than words can say. I love R very much, but I need to find stability and security, if for no other reason, for my children. At the very least, if he comes back and I let him come back, he is going to have to commit to marriage counselling. Maybe even personal counselling for himself.
Who knows, he may call me or come and see me today and say that he made a huge mistake and beg me to take him back. I'm not holding my breath.
Love and Blessings to you all.
That said, my big news is that R left me yesterday. He packed a bag and said he needed time to think. He is not happy and he needs to take a good look at where we have been for the last 10 years and where we are going. He said I don't make him feel special, loved or wanted. I have not heard from him since about 1:00pm yesterday and I don't know when I will hear from him. The really hard part is the holidays and Liam's birthday. Of course I will do anything and everything I can to make Liam's birthday special. I will also try my best to make the holidays as normal and special as I can for the kids. We were supposed to have family pictures taken on Dec. 2nd. Also hard to think about. Liam, Megarin and I will still go and have them done. I don't know where R will be. When I talked to him on the phone yesterday he said just because he was leaving then didn't mean he was never coming back. When asked about the holidays he said that he hadn't thought that far. The big question I need to answer for myself is whether or not I want him to come back. If I do let him come back, I will never feel totally secure in the relationship. At this point, he left once and what's to say he won't leave again when we get into a fight or he gets depressed and bored with family life again? The really sad part was that last night Liam didn't mention Daddy at all. He was talking about getting a monster truck when he got older and making sure it was big enough for all of us. "The family" Then he said "You, me and sister". Daddy wasn't included. I guess that tells me alot about R's relationship with his son. I don't blame Liam. All R has done for the past several months is yell at him.
Anyway, I sat on the couch last night with Liam and cuddled and found contentment. Then this morning Megarin woke up and I just laid there with her and played and talked and she just smiled and giggled. Once again I found contentment. If I take nothing else away from this whole situation, I will have my children. I love them more than words can say. I love R very much, but I need to find stability and security, if for no other reason, for my children. At the very least, if he comes back and I let him come back, he is going to have to commit to marriage counselling. Maybe even personal counselling for himself.
Who knows, he may call me or come and see me today and say that he made a huge mistake and beg me to take him back. I'm not holding my breath.
Love and Blessings to you all.