Why is it I always get god damn Deja Vu??? WHY ME!
I FUCKING hate the military. Seriously.. It seems to me lately that every person I'm with with one exception ( the horrid ex I let mooch off of me for 9 fucking months) has wanted to join the military. And when that person has family in the military and goes down for graduation from boot camp and comes back wanting to join up I go banannas. WHy? Call it Plain ole fucking ass Jealousy. I can't go into the military. This is something I've always wanted to do but NO I fucking can not join. You ask why? Cus I'm fucking deaf thanks to a gene that my absentee birth father passed on to me. I scored nicely on the asvab in high school and I've always wanted to go into JAG particulary the naval branch of JAG. But Hell will have to freeze over Before I can join the fucking ass united states military. Thanks Dad for ruining my fucking life.
You may ask what has brought this on.Welp to be short and sweet about it. Both Alicia and Kevin want to join up and I'm fucking jealous. I freely admit it. I've wanted to follow in my father's footsteps most of my life. He served in military intelligence during the Vietnam War era. And I've gotten fucking screwed out of making something of my life. Hell I feel like i've fucking wasted the last 7 years since i graduated.I merely have a certificate to be a paralegal when my dream has been to be a lawyer and go to harvard. Now I might have accomplished at least the lawyer part if I'd been able to join the military. But NO! I'm just fucking gyped out of a dream cus I won't pass the phyiscal. I might have been able to right out of high school before my knees became fucking shot.
I could go in to JAG as a civilian paralegal. But key word there FUCKIN ASS CIVILIAN!
WHY? WHY IS IT I GOT THE FUCKING SHORT END OF THE STICK!?
Today is one of the days I can freely say, MY LIFE FUCKING SUCKS! I'm sick and tired of explaining to those I love that I don't want them to go into the military cus It would fucking hurt to see them accomplish a dream I will never fucking be able to. And Yes I am pissed. CUS IT"S NOT FUCKING FAIR! I know life is not fair but GOD DAMN IT! I WANTED THIS SO FUCKING BAD!
I can not seem to stop crying either since I spilled all this out to alicia. I know Kevin knows I don't want him to go and he prolly feels bad about even bringing up the topic now that he knows that much. BUT I also don't want to feel like I'm holding him back from doing something he wants to do cus he's been tossing around the idea for over a year. And he'd get a really good spot cus of his asvab score. I'll do what ever I can to help him achieve getting in if this is what he really wants. BUT DAMN IT! I"M FUCKING JEALOUS!
~sighs~
So simply all i have to say is.. WHY ME? I know it's a pity thing but god damn it.. put yourself in my shoes for one moment and see if you can understand the idea of not being able to achieve a dream because of physical limitations that you have no fucking control over...
That's all i've got to say about that.
You may ask what has brought this on.Welp to be short and sweet about it. Both Alicia and Kevin want to join up and I'm fucking jealous. I freely admit it. I've wanted to follow in my father's footsteps most of my life. He served in military intelligence during the Vietnam War era. And I've gotten fucking screwed out of making something of my life. Hell I feel like i've fucking wasted the last 7 years since i graduated.I merely have a certificate to be a paralegal when my dream has been to be a lawyer and go to harvard. Now I might have accomplished at least the lawyer part if I'd been able to join the military. But NO! I'm just fucking gyped out of a dream cus I won't pass the phyiscal. I might have been able to right out of high school before my knees became fucking shot.
I could go in to JAG as a civilian paralegal. But key word there FUCKIN ASS CIVILIAN!
WHY? WHY IS IT I GOT THE FUCKING SHORT END OF THE STICK!?
Today is one of the days I can freely say, MY LIFE FUCKING SUCKS! I'm sick and tired of explaining to those I love that I don't want them to go into the military cus It would fucking hurt to see them accomplish a dream I will never fucking be able to. And Yes I am pissed. CUS IT"S NOT FUCKING FAIR! I know life is not fair but GOD DAMN IT! I WANTED THIS SO FUCKING BAD!
I can not seem to stop crying either since I spilled all this out to alicia. I know Kevin knows I don't want him to go and he prolly feels bad about even bringing up the topic now that he knows that much. BUT I also don't want to feel like I'm holding him back from doing something he wants to do cus he's been tossing around the idea for over a year. And he'd get a really good spot cus of his asvab score. I'll do what ever I can to help him achieve getting in if this is what he really wants. BUT DAMN IT! I"M FUCKING JEALOUS!
~sighs~
So simply all i have to say is.. WHY ME? I know it's a pity thing but god damn it.. put yourself in my shoes for one moment and see if you can understand the idea of not being able to achieve a dream because of physical limitations that you have no fucking control over...
That's all i've got to say about that.