Hummelberry in the Big Apple: TKTS and Anatomy
This drabble is set during President's Day weekend, 2012. Rachel and Kurt are in their last
semester of high school and have gone to New York to visit the NYADA campus.
A shout goes out to gottriplets on this chapter, who suggested the 'girl talk' part of the
conversation.
Rachel stepped forward to point out one of the huge billboards to Kurt, and conveniently
positioned herself on his other side so that his taller body provided a buffer from the biting February wind.
"Look, Kurt! That billboard wasn't there last time we were here!" She raised her voice to be
heard above the honk of car horns, the conversations around them, and the promoters who walked up and
down waving their brochures.
He turned from his inspection of the TKTS board to look where she was pointing, stomping his feet in an
attempt to retain some feeling in his frozen toes.
"Yes it was, Rachel. But it's a different actor now. When we were here for Nationals, Daniel Radcliffe was
playing the lead in that show. Now they've got the guy from the Jonas Brothers. Which brother is that?" he
asked.
"It's Nick, I think. Who do you think is better? The actor who played Harry Potter or the singer from a boy
band?"
"I don't know. Wasn't there someone else in between? Who was that?" He took a small step, backwards as he
was turned to talk to her. They only moved two inches, but the staff here didn't like to see daylight between
their customers. Kurt was finding that New Yorkers were oblivious to some people's need for personal space.
"Oh, I can't remember," she answered, shuffling along with him. "We're not planning to see that one anyway,
right?"
"We still haven't decided, remember? We need to talk about it if you want to have a say, otherwise I'll decide
for us." He took another two steps as the line inched closer to the ticket windows.
"How about we see one show this afternoon, and another show tonight!" A huge smile lit up her face as she
solved their dilemma. "That way we can each pick one!"
He looked down at her from the vantage point granted him by several inches of extra height. Wow, how did
she and Finn manage to kiss without one of them being really uncomfortable? He knew they managed, he'd
seen them go at it often enough. It just seemed to him that Finn must have a constant ache in his back from
bending down so far. His own boyfriend might be shorter, but least Blaine was close to his height.
"We can't do that, Rachel," he sighed. "I wish we could."
"But it's Saturday!" she protested. "There's a matinee and an evening performance!"
"Of course there is…..that doesn't mean we can afford to see two shows. My father gave me a very specific
budget for this trip. And that budget allows for one show--not two. He threatened to cut up my credit card if I
didn't stick to it."
She rolled her eyes, but admitted defeat. She'd had the same discussion with her dads.
"Do you get the feeling that our parents collaborated on laying down the rules for this trip?" she asked.
"No need for intuition when I heard my dad and Carole on the phone with your dads," he replied. "I know they
collaborated."
"You'd think they didn't trust us," she complained. "It's not like we're here just to see shows, after all. Touring
NYADA and going to the prospective student orientation is very important. It shows how serious we are about-"
"Move forward please, keep the line moving." One of the TKTS employees was urging them on, only his eyes
visible between his hat and the thick scarf wrapped around his neck and face.
Rachel stepped forward, her instinct to always be first making her forget why she'd been standing behind Kurt,
and caught the full force of a gust of wind ripping through Times Square. She gasped and shoved him back in
front of her, not even attempting to be subtle about it this time.
"What are you doing?" he yelped indignantly.
"Putting you between me and that wind! I'm the girl, it's your chivalric duty to protect me from the elements."
He turned to her, putting his back to the wind, and took his gloved hands from his pockets long enough to hike
his collar up higher. "I might agree to that, Rachel, if you were the damsel in distress-which you're not. And
if I were trying to sleep with you, which I'm not."
"Fine," she retorted, looking up at him from under her faux-fur lined hood. "Do it because you don't want to
explain my frostbitten nose to Finn. However you justify it, just stay between me and that wind!"
He leveled a condescending look at her for a moment, and she glared back, till they both gave up and started
laughing.
"Come here then, if you're going to be a wimp about it." He tugged her closer and wrapped his arms around
her so they could share body heat. They found themselves walking sideways as the line moved forward again,
reluctant to let go and be colder again.
"No offense, Kurt, because I really do appreciate your attempts to keep me warm, but…..I'm kind of wishing
now that I'd been able to convince Finn to come on this trip, and that he were holding me right now. I think
he's hotter than you."
"Excusez-moi?" He leaned back to look at her. "Are you really picking this moment to tell me that I'm not
sexy?" He loosened his grip around her. "Well in that case…" He stepped back.
"I didn't say sexier, I meant he has more body heat!" She was laughing as she stepped back into his space,
both of them taking another sideways step.
He wrapped his arms around her shoulders again. "Oh, so you are admitting I'm sexier than Finn?" he goaded.
"Can't wait to tell him that his girlfriend prefers me over him. In fact, maybe I'll text him right….now…." He
trailed off and put one hand in his pocket where he had his iPhone.
"Don't you dare!" She smacked him on the arm, surprisingly hard for someone so tiny. "I was talking about
units of body heat, that's it!"
"Well, Finn does have a lot more body to generate heat, you know. We can't all be seven feet tall."
"Oh, I'm very familiar with his body….all of it," Rachel said with a sudden change in her tone. "And I know just
how big he is."
He looked down at her, perplexed, then realized what that twitchy attempt at winking meant.
"Oh my God, you are not trying to discuss Finn's…" he tried to think of a word fit for public use, then hissed,
"…his anatomy with me! Don't go there, Rachel!"
"Well, why not?" she asked, as if asking why shouldn't they stroll in Central Park. "We're both mature adults,
we're entitled to our sex lives. And we have the whole weekend together, what better time for a little girl talk?"
"I swear, Rachel. If we hadn't already been standing in this line, in the freezing cold, for two hours trying to
get theatre tickets, I'd walk away right now." He glanced at the people on either side of them. The middle-aged
couple behind them-Southerners by their accents-were busy discussing the merits of various shows. The two
young blonde women in front of them were chattering in a foreign language that he didn't recognize.
"Why don't you want to talk about your sex life with Blaine? I mean-" she paused, looking at him closely.
"You have had sex with him, haven't you? Santana said you had, but-"
"Santana? Since when does she figure into this conversation? This conversation that I completely wish I was
NOT having with you?"
"Oh, she apparently has this completely infallible radar for when couples are having sex, or when someone is
cheating." She stepped back from their embrace to gesture with her hands. "She cornered me in the bathroom
the Monday after Finn and I did it, and just told me to be more careful than Quinn had been." Rachel shrugged,
as if it were perfectly normal that one of their friends had this extra sense. "And she said that you and Blaine
did it too."
"I would have words with her when we get back, except I know it would be completely useless, plus I don't
want to bring out scary Santana."
"Enough about Santana, tell me why you don't want to talk about you and Blaine? Was your first time awful?
I've heard that happens. Or…are you afraid if we start comparing notes, he won't measure up? I mean, he is
short. Not as short as me, but almost no one is. It makes sense that proportionally, he wouldn't be as big
there as Finn-"
"RACHEL!" Kurt shouted her name to get her attention and stop her rambling. He leaned down so he could talk
more quietly into her ear. "Blaine is just as big there as he needs to be, okay? Believe me, I have no
complaints about that."
Her face was triumphant, presumably because she'd finally broken his resistance and he gave her a juicy detail.
"So who's bigger, him or Finn?"
"Keep your voice down, Rachel!" He stayed half bent so he could be heard without speaking too loudly. "And I
don't know, because I haven't seen Finn's," he said, exasperated.
"You haven't?" She seemed genuinely surprised. "But you live in the same house!"
"That doesn't mean I follow him into the bathroom when he showers," he rolled his eyes.
"But…boys use urinals, as much as I wish they didn't because those things smell disgusting." She wrinkled her
nose. "I'd think if you wanted a look, you would have the opportunity eventually. Or showering in the locker
room, or changing before a competition."
"And even I'm enough of a guy to understand the guy code in the bathroom. We don't stand at the urinals and
check each other out, we keep our eyes on the wall. We don't look into the open shower stalls, because that's
just courtesy. And especially when you're the one gay boy in a room full of straight boys. I can always feel
their eyes on my back, wondering if I'm going to turn around and try to sneak a look. That's why I always take
a locker in the corner, and keep my back to the room." His mood had shifted. A moment ago he was frustrated
with Rachel over how inappropriate her conversation was for public. Now he was just thinking how he couldn't
wait to get out of high school, and out of Ohio altogether.
"I guess I didn't think about what that's like for you," Rachel said more quietly. He almost couldn't hear her
over the din of the city.
"Just like you didn't think that maybe now's not the right time or place for intimate girl talk?" he questioned.
She winced. "Yeah, like that. Sorry." She shivered suddenly.
Kurt rolled his eyes again, but fondly this time. "Come here," he said as he pulled her in again. "I'm not Finn,
but maybe I can generate enough body heat to help."
She folded her arms up between them. "Definitely helping." And then she fell quiet for a moment.
Kurt let his eyes scan the billboards over the street. Phantom of the Opera, Mamma Mia, Spiderman: Turn Off
the Dark, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying…..and so many others. And it wasn't just the
billboards, he could even see several theatres from where he stood. The Addams Family was playing just down
that road to the left. The Lion King was two blocks behind him. West Side Story was right across the street. He
started listing them off to Rachel, who had her face buried in his coat.
"Just think, Rachel, by this time next year we'll be living here. We can go to the theatre anytime we want, to
see Jersey Boys, or Anything Goes, or Wicked!"
"I still think we should have tried for the lottery for seats at Wicked," Rachel grumbled. "I bet we would have
gotten them."
"And I bet that we would have been competing with 50 other people for those 10 or so lottery tickets. And by
the time we found out we'd lost there, we wouldn't have time to stand in line here. And we can't afford full
price."
"Why are we on such a strict budget for this trip, anyway? What did our parents say to each other on the
phone?"
"Keep moving, keep moving!" Another of the TKTS workers was passing by to herd them along. They were
rounding the last turn in the multi-layered line, finally headed down the homestretch for the ticket windows.
"They said," Kurt said, rolling his eyes, "that we were going to be on a budget when we moved here, and this
one weekend on a budget would give us a little taste of it."
They were drawing closer to the large electronic board where today's shows were listed.
"Kurt!" Rachel gasped. "We still haven't decided what we're going to see!"
"Alright, then let's get serious. What fabulous Broadway show shall we see today? We only get one, so let's
make it count!"
She turned to look at the board, but immediately turned back and tugged him down to her. "FYI, when we get
back to the hotel tonight, we are so having that girl talk."
While she was distracted with the show listings he pulled off his gloves to send a quick text to Finn. 'You need
to call your gf tonight, and keep her on the phone for a really long time. If you don't, she and I are going to be
discussing your…ANATOMY.'
A/N-I have a short list of ideas for this series, but I'm also very willing to consider prompts. If you
have an idea for a drabble, mention it in a review or send me a private message. Thanks for reading!