The Greatest Journey: Message
He loved his city. Loved, loved, loved it. But at the moment, he needed his noisy hectic city with its trillion inhabitants - at least a million of whom were between him and his destination - to give him a break already. Stepping aside to let a mother with a toddler on her hip go up the stairs before him, because even a near panic attack was no excuse to be rude, he pulled out his phone and dared fate by texting as he walked up the subway stairs. He hit send as he hurried up Broadway toward 43rd Street.
Blaine to Kurt: What are you doing?
The answer came almost immediately.
Kurt to Blaine: Stuck in mtng w/ morons.
He stopped in front of the Conde Nast building, fighting his urge to barge in.
Blaine to Kurt: Chk your msgs & call me. Important.
He waited by the door as people revolved in and out, rushing in with briefcases to attend their important meetings, rushing out to the curb to wave down a taxi. A group of schoolchildren passed in a blur of red shirts and high-pitched snatches of conversation which were swallowed by the city before he could hear anything they said.
When his cell rang, he barely allowed Kurt’s picture to flash on the screen before he had the phone to his ear.
“Did you-” he asked, breathless, as Kurt spoke at the same time.
“Yeah. What do you think-”
“I don’t know. She can’t take him away, right? It’s been too long.” Blaine had to swallow down a whimper at the very thought.
“No, no way. She can’t take him. It was finalized months ago, she had the chance to change her mind. She can’t take him,” Kurt repeated.
“Right. Yeah, I know that.” He felt slightly calmer just having Kurt to share the news with, but there was still an impending panic attack building up in his throat. He knew the law was on their side, but logic meant little against his fear. “Then why did the lawyer say she wants to talk to us?”
There was a long pause.
“We did say we were willing to stay in contact,” Kurt reminded him.
“Well, why’d we do a stupid thing like that?” At this exact moment, sweaty palms slipping on his phone and needing a building to hold him up as his legs threatened collapse, Blaine couldn’t imagine what their rationale had been.
“As I recall, someone thought it would be best for Gil.” There was an edge to Kurt’s voice now.
Right. Kurt had been in favor of severing all contact.
“Well, someone didn’t know that it was possible to have a heart attack from a simple phone message!” Blaine defended, drawing a glance from a young woman taking her cigarette break on the far side of the door. He tried to lower his voice. “I was braced for this the first few months, but why now? Why hit us broadside with no warning?”
Another pause before Kurt answered with a calm that Blaine knew was forced.
“I think we need to take a breath, call the lawyer back, and ask her if she knows anything else. It’s probably nothing. We’ve been sending pictures and videos for fifteen months, we knew the birth mom could ask for them at any time.”
“Right.” Breathe in. “Okay,” as he exhaled. Breathe in again. “Can you come down so we can call together?”
“Come down? Blaine, where are you?”
“Umm….right outside your building?” He pictured the patented Kurt Hummel eye roll. “I was too upset to stay at work, so I took an early lunch and headed your way. I was going to barge into your office and tell you in person if you didn’t answer the text.”
Kurt sighed. “Give me a moment to tell my boss.”
When Kurt stepped out barely five minutes later, Blaine met him at the door, a bundle of high-strung nerves in need of a hug.
“I feel like I need to go pick up Gil from daycare right now, and hold him the rest of the day just to make sure he’s safe,” Blaine murmured to Kurt’s shoulder. He felt himself moving backward and realized Kurt was easing them away from the door. New York City rushed by them, oblivious to his turmoil.
“Honey, I need you to calm down,” Kurt said softly to his ear. “The adoption is final, it’s legally binding. No one can take Gil away from us. And that’s what you’re scared of, right?”
“I can’t bear the thought of losing him. Any more than I can bear the thought of losing you.” Blaine lifted his head from the sanctuary of Kurt’s neck to look at him, knowing he had tears in his eyes and not caring who saw it. He’d lost Kurt before, he knew that pain well and wasn’t sure he could bear that - or an equally devastating loss - ever again.
“You’re not going to lose either one of us.” Kurt’s thumbs wiped under his eyes. “So just relax, and let’s both go back to work, and we’ll call the lawyer when we get home.”
“The law office will be closed by then, you know that.” The physical contact was helping to ground him. Blaine was finally breathing easier but still felt like he’d been punched.
“You want to call now?” Kurt waited for Blaine’s shaky nod. “Come on then, let’s go inside and see if there’s a space we can use.”
Five minutes later they stood huddled over Blaine’s phone in the recently vacated conference room, the smell of coffee and pastries still prominent enough to make his stomach roll.
“Weston, Blake, and Associates, how may I help you?” the receptionist’s chipper voice answered.
“Hi, it’s Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel,” he answered quickly. “We got a call from Ms. Blake about our adoption paperwork, we were really hoping she was available to elaborate?”
“Just a moment,” still in that annoyingly optimistic and professional voice. A click and then silence. They looked at each other, Kurt still holding the phone up as they waited, Blaine wiping his hands on his pants.
“Don’t do that, honey, you’ll stain the fabric.”
“Right now I really don’t give a rat’s ass-”
“Hey Kurt, Blaine, you both there?” Their lawyer’s voice crackled from the phone and Kurt fumbled, nearly dropping it.
“Yes, yes, both here,” Kurt said as he brought the phone back up again.
“My assistant said you sounded worried. Hope I didn’t frighten you with that message. I did say it was nothing bad, right?”
“Yeah, you did, but I got worried anyway,” Blaine confessed, voice tight. Kurt’s arm came around his shoulders, pulling him in close.
“No reason to stress,” she said with the ease of someone not facing total upheaval in their life. “Your son’s birth mom came in to my office and asked for the pictures and videos you’d been sending me all this time. That was three days ago. Today, she called and asked if the two of you would be willing to talk to her on the phone.”
“That’s it?” Kurt asked. “Just a phone call?”
“Well…” she hedged, and Blaine’s heart clenched again. “It’s my experience that once a birth mom gets that far, she usually wants to meet in person at some point. But I don’t want you to worry about that right now, okay? All she’s asking for now is a phone call.”
“Okay, maybe we can handle that,” Kurt answered for them, rubbing at Blaine’s upper arm. “It’s just a phone call.”
“Look, if you guys are nervous about this, I want you to remember that the only contact you’re contractually obligated to maintain are the same letters, pictures, and videos you’ve been sending me all along. Talking to...” They heard the clicking of a keyboard. “Brianna. Talking to Brianna on the phone is totally optional. If you’re willing to talk to her on the phone but not willing to meet in person, that is also your choice. You’re the legal parents, you’re in control of how much contact the birth mother gets to have with your son. Understood?”
“So you’re saying the law is definitely on our side?” Blaine asked. “No ifs, ands, buts?”
“Yes. The law is 100% on your side. You are the legal parents of your child. Trust me on that, okay?”
“Yeah. Okay. Got it.” Blaine swallowed the fear down, turning his face into Kurt’s shoulder for comfort, going limp as the anxiety loosened its hold on him.
“So...that said, just tell me how you plan to proceed,” Ms. Blake asked. “I can facilitate a phone call between the three of you, or call her back and say that you’ve declined to speak with her.”
Blaine looked up at Kurt, questioning.
“Just a second, Ms. Blake.” He put the call on hold. “Your choice, Blaine. You heard her, we’re in control here. If you can’t handle it, we don’t have to talk to Brianna.”
He stood up straight again, pulling his vest down and slipping hands into his pockets as he thought for a second. Panic abating, he tried to think clearly again. What was best for their son?
“We agreed to keep in touch with Gil’s birth mom because we thought it would be best for him, right? We didn’t want him to have questions about where he comes from or feel we were keeping secrets from him.” Kurt nodded. “Even with my meltdown just now-” Blaine shook his head at himself, acknowledging his own crazy. Kurt smirked just a little, rubbing Blaine’s arm to take the malice out of it. “I still think that’s the best choice. For Gil,” Blaine finished.
“Agreed. Is it the best choice for us?” Run of his fingers down to catch Blaine’s hand in his own. “I don’t relish the idea of single fatherhood if you die of a panic-induced heart attack, Blaine.”
Deep breath, turning his hand over to lace their fingers. “I’ll handle it. For Gil.”
“Okay then.” Kurt brought their hands up to kiss the back of Blaine’s before he lifted the phone again, turning the speaker back on. “Ms. Blake? You can give her both our phone numbers and say that we’ll be waiting for her call. After 8:00 pm would be best for the first call, and we can discuss future contact.”
Blaine nudged close again as Kurt finished the call, arms wrapped around him by the time he hung up.
“Think she’ll call tonight?” he murmured into his shoulder.
“I think it’s very likely.” Kurt murmured into his hair. “But no matter what happens, Gil is ours, we’re a family, we’ll handle anything that comes our way. Agreed?”
Family. As long as he had his family, he could face anything. “Agreed.”
Blaine to Kurt: What are you doing?
The answer came almost immediately.
Kurt to Blaine: Stuck in mtng w/ morons.
He stopped in front of the Conde Nast building, fighting his urge to barge in.
Blaine to Kurt: Chk your msgs & call me. Important.
He waited by the door as people revolved in and out, rushing in with briefcases to attend their important meetings, rushing out to the curb to wave down a taxi. A group of schoolchildren passed in a blur of red shirts and high-pitched snatches of conversation which were swallowed by the city before he could hear anything they said.
When his cell rang, he barely allowed Kurt’s picture to flash on the screen before he had the phone to his ear.
“Did you-” he asked, breathless, as Kurt spoke at the same time.
“Yeah. What do you think-”
“I don’t know. She can’t take him away, right? It’s been too long.” Blaine had to swallow down a whimper at the very thought.
“No, no way. She can’t take him. It was finalized months ago, she had the chance to change her mind. She can’t take him,” Kurt repeated.
“Right. Yeah, I know that.” He felt slightly calmer just having Kurt to share the news with, but there was still an impending panic attack building up in his throat. He knew the law was on their side, but logic meant little against his fear. “Then why did the lawyer say she wants to talk to us?”
There was a long pause.
“We did say we were willing to stay in contact,” Kurt reminded him.
“Well, why’d we do a stupid thing like that?” At this exact moment, sweaty palms slipping on his phone and needing a building to hold him up as his legs threatened collapse, Blaine couldn’t imagine what their rationale had been.
“As I recall, someone thought it would be best for Gil.” There was an edge to Kurt’s voice now.
Right. Kurt had been in favor of severing all contact.
“Well, someone didn’t know that it was possible to have a heart attack from a simple phone message!” Blaine defended, drawing a glance from a young woman taking her cigarette break on the far side of the door. He tried to lower his voice. “I was braced for this the first few months, but why now? Why hit us broadside with no warning?”
Another pause before Kurt answered with a calm that Blaine knew was forced.
“I think we need to take a breath, call the lawyer back, and ask her if she knows anything else. It’s probably nothing. We’ve been sending pictures and videos for fifteen months, we knew the birth mom could ask for them at any time.”
“Right.” Breathe in. “Okay,” as he exhaled. Breathe in again. “Can you come down so we can call together?”
“Come down? Blaine, where are you?”
“Umm….right outside your building?” He pictured the patented Kurt Hummel eye roll. “I was too upset to stay at work, so I took an early lunch and headed your way. I was going to barge into your office and tell you in person if you didn’t answer the text.”
Kurt sighed. “Give me a moment to tell my boss.”
When Kurt stepped out barely five minutes later, Blaine met him at the door, a bundle of high-strung nerves in need of a hug.
“I feel like I need to go pick up Gil from daycare right now, and hold him the rest of the day just to make sure he’s safe,” Blaine murmured to Kurt’s shoulder. He felt himself moving backward and realized Kurt was easing them away from the door. New York City rushed by them, oblivious to his turmoil.
“Honey, I need you to calm down,” Kurt said softly to his ear. “The adoption is final, it’s legally binding. No one can take Gil away from us. And that’s what you’re scared of, right?”
“I can’t bear the thought of losing him. Any more than I can bear the thought of losing you.” Blaine lifted his head from the sanctuary of Kurt’s neck to look at him, knowing he had tears in his eyes and not caring who saw it. He’d lost Kurt before, he knew that pain well and wasn’t sure he could bear that - or an equally devastating loss - ever again.
“You’re not going to lose either one of us.” Kurt’s thumbs wiped under his eyes. “So just relax, and let’s both go back to work, and we’ll call the lawyer when we get home.”
“The law office will be closed by then, you know that.” The physical contact was helping to ground him. Blaine was finally breathing easier but still felt like he’d been punched.
“You want to call now?” Kurt waited for Blaine’s shaky nod. “Come on then, let’s go inside and see if there’s a space we can use.”
Five minutes later they stood huddled over Blaine’s phone in the recently vacated conference room, the smell of coffee and pastries still prominent enough to make his stomach roll.
“Weston, Blake, and Associates, how may I help you?” the receptionist’s chipper voice answered.
“Hi, it’s Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel,” he answered quickly. “We got a call from Ms. Blake about our adoption paperwork, we were really hoping she was available to elaborate?”
“Just a moment,” still in that annoyingly optimistic and professional voice. A click and then silence. They looked at each other, Kurt still holding the phone up as they waited, Blaine wiping his hands on his pants.
“Don’t do that, honey, you’ll stain the fabric.”
“Right now I really don’t give a rat’s ass-”
“Hey Kurt, Blaine, you both there?” Their lawyer’s voice crackled from the phone and Kurt fumbled, nearly dropping it.
“Yes, yes, both here,” Kurt said as he brought the phone back up again.
“My assistant said you sounded worried. Hope I didn’t frighten you with that message. I did say it was nothing bad, right?”
“Yeah, you did, but I got worried anyway,” Blaine confessed, voice tight. Kurt’s arm came around his shoulders, pulling him in close.
“No reason to stress,” she said with the ease of someone not facing total upheaval in their life. “Your son’s birth mom came in to my office and asked for the pictures and videos you’d been sending me all this time. That was three days ago. Today, she called and asked if the two of you would be willing to talk to her on the phone.”
“That’s it?” Kurt asked. “Just a phone call?”
“Well…” she hedged, and Blaine’s heart clenched again. “It’s my experience that once a birth mom gets that far, she usually wants to meet in person at some point. But I don’t want you to worry about that right now, okay? All she’s asking for now is a phone call.”
“Okay, maybe we can handle that,” Kurt answered for them, rubbing at Blaine’s upper arm. “It’s just a phone call.”
“Look, if you guys are nervous about this, I want you to remember that the only contact you’re contractually obligated to maintain are the same letters, pictures, and videos you’ve been sending me all along. Talking to...” They heard the clicking of a keyboard. “Brianna. Talking to Brianna on the phone is totally optional. If you’re willing to talk to her on the phone but not willing to meet in person, that is also your choice. You’re the legal parents, you’re in control of how much contact the birth mother gets to have with your son. Understood?”
“So you’re saying the law is definitely on our side?” Blaine asked. “No ifs, ands, buts?”
“Yes. The law is 100% on your side. You are the legal parents of your child. Trust me on that, okay?”
“Yeah. Okay. Got it.” Blaine swallowed the fear down, turning his face into Kurt’s shoulder for comfort, going limp as the anxiety loosened its hold on him.
“So...that said, just tell me how you plan to proceed,” Ms. Blake asked. “I can facilitate a phone call between the three of you, or call her back and say that you’ve declined to speak with her.”
Blaine looked up at Kurt, questioning.
“Just a second, Ms. Blake.” He put the call on hold. “Your choice, Blaine. You heard her, we’re in control here. If you can’t handle it, we don’t have to talk to Brianna.”
He stood up straight again, pulling his vest down and slipping hands into his pockets as he thought for a second. Panic abating, he tried to think clearly again. What was best for their son?
“We agreed to keep in touch with Gil’s birth mom because we thought it would be best for him, right? We didn’t want him to have questions about where he comes from or feel we were keeping secrets from him.” Kurt nodded. “Even with my meltdown just now-” Blaine shook his head at himself, acknowledging his own crazy. Kurt smirked just a little, rubbing Blaine’s arm to take the malice out of it. “I still think that’s the best choice. For Gil,” Blaine finished.
“Agreed. Is it the best choice for us?” Run of his fingers down to catch Blaine’s hand in his own. “I don’t relish the idea of single fatherhood if you die of a panic-induced heart attack, Blaine.”
Deep breath, turning his hand over to lace their fingers. “I’ll handle it. For Gil.”
“Okay then.” Kurt brought their hands up to kiss the back of Blaine’s before he lifted the phone again, turning the speaker back on. “Ms. Blake? You can give her both our phone numbers and say that we’ll be waiting for her call. After 8:00 pm would be best for the first call, and we can discuss future contact.”
Blaine nudged close again as Kurt finished the call, arms wrapped around him by the time he hung up.
“Think she’ll call tonight?” he murmured into his shoulder.
“I think it’s very likely.” Kurt murmured into his hair. “But no matter what happens, Gil is ours, we’re a family, we’ll handle anything that comes our way. Agreed?”
Family. As long as he had his family, he could face anything. “Agreed.”