Top Ten Moments of 2004
Alright alright alright... despite my lack luster effort with my lj's for the latter part of this year, I will not fail you in continuing the tradition that I started in 2002. Without further adou..
10. 3 Chicks + 3 Dudes - clothes= good times
It was a warm monday evening in July, my plans for the evening was to celebrate some good news I had just received.. (I'll get into that news around moment #7) and I planned on celebrating even if it met just getting hammered w/ sturgie. But to my suprise, sturgie shows up with Brittany and Brittany (I'm going to refer to all the ladies in this entry as Brittany, to protect the guilty). And next to arrive was Geo and Brittany. We were drinking for maybe an hour or two.. when someone says "let's go skinny dipping!" and amazingly it got unanimous approval. Only problem from my stand point was that this was one of the few nights in the summer that we didn't have the air conditioning on and all the windows were open. My dad's room was literally ten feet above from where we all stripped down to our bday suits. Naturally, I was doing a lot of shhh's when i wasn't trying to control the semi. I just lost it tho when Geo lost control of the volume of his voice and his wood and started chasing Brittany around, Brittany giggling the whole time.
"Touch it, just go ahead touch it!" or "jump on it!" He said a lot worse I just can't remember, this is when Gregory (my dad) steps in and goes to the window.
"If you wanna swim then swim but if your going to be loud then just GO HOME!"... day's later he would say to me as we were painting "Who was that malado boy?.. He's a crude son of a gun isn't he." So yeah my dad saw all the Brittany's naked no doubt. Ohhh and as my sister was coming in sturg goes right up to the sliding glass door, buck naked of course, and knocks and waves.. right when she realized what she was looking at her head jerked in the other direction like it had just been hit by a brick. Real nice sturg.
Everything was going great this night, until Sturg, Geo, and two of the Brittany's decide to streak a lap around the block. They didn't even make it out the end of my drive way before brittany tripped and took one of the most nastiest spills these eyes had ever seen. This is completely what Seinfeld was talking about with the whole "bad naked" concept. We're talking scrapes and bruses everywhere, you really woulda thought she had been beaten if you saw the rasberries and bruses that week. So of course that sucked the life right out of the night.
9 & 8. Our pledge trip missions...
This year Don and I pledged a frat in California, one of the selling factors on the venture for me was we would get to take a road trip (see the state), steal signs, and do crazy shit. And it turned out our first mission was to go into the Castro District of San Francisco (the notoriously gay district) and dress up like homo's and get a picture with them...
As we were driving into this section we couldn’t help but notice the rainbow flags every 10 yards and the big rainbow flag next to the U.S. one, I’m thinkin to myself right then; that there could not be a worse time to pull such a stunt. Last I checked the queers over there were rallying and all pissed off that they can’t get married, which by the way I find ridiculous that this is actually an issue in this day n age. The deficit is at an all time high (or a pretty damn high), we’re at war, and we’re worried about fags getting married, amazing. So I’m thinking to myself,… “How can I do this w/o offending them?” If I do an over the top, Earnest n Charles style impression (anyone i.m. me and I’ll send ya that skit), they’ll probably know I’m bullshitting and will probably no way in hell they’ll take a picture w/ us and just storm off.. and I figured that may start a chain reaction of all the other queers in the radius. So I just went with sort of a salesman / talking to my g/f’s mom / flirtatious tone a way a girl would talk to me sort of tactic… Just had to swallow the old pride on this one.
“Oh hi there.”
“Hi!” this guy certainly wasn’t shy
“Hi, yeah we’re from CT and we just wanna know what is there to doooo around here (really gotta hold certain words like that .. I don’t know why but it’s important lol)” And as he was responding I couldn’t really look at him as he undressed me w/ his eyes so I went down to play with his 4 legged friend.
“Ohhh what a cuute dog you haveee,” I thought ‘this is great, who doesn’t play with a dog like a fag..he’ll definitely buy it.’ So right around when he got done yappin. I cut to the chase.
“Hey you think we could take a picture.. I wanna show ppl at home what cute friends we have out here!” And there ya have it, a tremendously gay pic taken by two lesbians. Go figure. And right after they took the pic, right before the guy even said anything ..
“Alirght see ya!” And we just took off. And I felt kinda bad ya know, I could tell I really had him .. that lasted about 2sec and I thought about all the girls at mardi gras parties, keg parties I’ve hosted, or parties where chicks j/ need a beer.. and have pretty much done the same thing to me. I WAS A COCK TEASE. http://community.webshots.com/photo/123878952/123883244SPQezU
Don had a special mission just reserved for himself...
he had to strip into just a woman's thong in the middle of a circuit city as one of us would crank up the volume on a stereo of an apporpriate song for the sherade. Judging by Don’s prior pessimism on the trip, I really didn’t think he was going to do this.
“What the fuck is Party Boy? That’s Scotty’s (lauring) thing… he needs to do this… Are you sure I need to wear a thong… fuck that… why can’t I wear boxers… wa wa wa this is fucking stupid.”
Call watching this prior spectacle a little rebirth of Don’s attitude or outlook on things. Cuz he was down like a clown when it came game time. He put on a white thong that John (el presidente) had picked up from a few panty droppers earlier on the road. The plan was for Don to go in and take off his clothes and dance up on a couple of ppl in there. Me and John go in before don by about 20sec and there wasn’t anybody there, I had my camera down around my waist so it didn’t look like I was going in to video tape people but rather just to be another consumer looking to compare his camera to all the others, therefore being able to pull off our mission with out the employees shutting it down before it started. Only problem was for Don there wasn’t anyone in the store but a pretty cute employee named Liberty, alongside her was some chink employee. So as John starts slowly turning up the volume on this subbed out stereo and (ladies…) all… of Dons clothes come off with the exception of his thong, and he danced up on Liberty and the chink just like on jack ass. I’ve never seen anyone so frazzled in their life.. I went up to her w/ the camera after don ran off..
“Ya know what was that???”
“I… cannot….believe that just happened!” smile about as big as a kid in a porn shop. She really was just speechless.
“Is this the sort of nonsense this business endorses, I come here to buy a family stereo and this is what I see!?”
still just speechless… and then the chink notices the camera angled up at her and I take that opportunity to book it. I really gotta tip my hat to don, I honestly laugh every time I play this back in my head.. Unfortunately kids the camera work wasn’t the best and you lose much of the amusement due to the poor camera work BUT it is enough to prove that the incident occured and I'm not making it up.
7. The Snakesta Palooza that never was...
That same night that the skinny dipping occured. I was just coming home from a long day of retarted work at Best Buy, and right as I walked though the door, I see my mom on the phone which and she's booking a hotel for herself and my dad in Philly. Now if you know me, and you know my house, you'd know this had been the day I had been waiting for for the majority of my adult life. But if you've been an avid reader of my LJ's or just a spectator of my life in general, you know that if theres one field I excell at it is screwing things up.
So after this skinny dipping venture, I hope on the computer and I i.m. my buddy JP from curry giving him the exact dates of when my parents were going out and telling him to come down. Like a typical drunken moron, I don't close this i.m. box. My mom see's this the next morning, and inquires to me about it right as return from the gym. I had a feeling in the back of my head that I had left it up so I held a decent poker face.
My mom-"Who's JP??"
Me-"Ohh that's my friend Jenna from UConn, I figured it'd be nice if she could come down while you guys were gone and we could have some alone time." (I said something to that affect).
My mom-"Ohh well then why did you say 'bring a car full of guys?'"
Me (this is when I kinda day dreamed off in the distance for a couple seconds)- "Ohh well the last time we hung out she brought a car full of guys to my friends house and I was just being sarcastic." She then gave me the 20 questions about this "girl" and I basically said she was a grad student in the UConn dentist school.. and that my whole reasoning was that having her over when my parents WERE home would undermine my image. I told her how we had met originally at Curry and wa wa wa and now she was at UConn. Ahh the shit I came up with, my logic was "the more complex the story the more likely of it's validity". And I'm pretty sure she bought it.
But two weeks later as I was left with out any closure on the issue of them departing or not, we were having dinner. And my dad was saying how it was perfectly fine to have a girl over, that they just didn't want anyone else over. My mom also reiterrated what he said as if I missed it the first time, which usually translates into things going my way in these sort of situations. But then my dad asks about this girl and I said her name was Caitlin and that she was from Curry.
"I thought you said she was in the Dentist school at UConn." my mom called me on it.
Believe it or not I still put up a decent fight. My mom and my sister ended up just going on this trip to my sister's orientation in Philly. My dad just said he stayed because "he had work" to do or some shit. They couldn't even cut it to me dry. I'm guessing the consensus was that if the skinny dipping incident was what happens when they were home; then god help us all if they were all to leave. I only am writing this now because I really could care less if they do go away again or not. I just don't put as much stock in these parties as I used to. After a semester of hosting parties here at carriage... it almost seems like it's more trouble than its worth.
6. New Orleans-
I'd definately have to say that New Orleans was the best place I've been to this year, def. outdid Vegas in my opinion. http://community.webshots.com/photo/119249759/119251781fPTiqy
if that pic in and of itself is not a top 10 moment than I don't know what is. I couldn't get into any of the nice clubs where girls my age were so I stuck to the older chicks. And again.. I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE OBLITERATED IN MY LIFE. I need to go back.
5. Don and Max become bar tenders-
Our fraternity in Cali was having a formal thing, which costed about $100 a couple. Don and I didn't have the funds for this venture so they thought it was a swell idea if we earned our keep by becoming bartenders. Here's an excerpt from my LJ i wrote fresh after it happened-
so I'm stickin around after and helping clean up, at only what I could describe as the peak of my drunkeness. So I'm carrying a couple poorly stacked boxes of ghetto juice down 3 flights of stairs. I miraciously navigate all the way down each one, and as I go out the door i kinda stumble and out comes two gallons of ghetto juice that spilt all over my friends moms nice feet and got some of it her dress. Well you know how theres a certain decorum of politeness that adults hold when they talk to young men such as myself? Right as it hit her, she fuckin flips-
"GOD DAMMMNIT!! That fuckin son of a bitch spilled shit all over me!! What the fuck!" as she was jumpin all around and yellin at her husband. O man o man. This is just one of those things that you really bang your head for the duration of the next day. But seriously what do you expect when you put me behind the bar? Ken "the toolman" Dandy, our new president told one of us to be sober throughout the night- that only motivated us to get even more drunk. Sureeee thing Dandy. Which I think he even got drunk enough that he forgot he even said it so it was all gravy.
So after the party was afterparty...
this is where my memory turns into that of Don Speed's.. an utter blank. I remember chillin at "3rd n cherry" (friends place) and it being a good happy place. Lots o drunks everywhere. I don't even remember wanting to leave or anything..
The day after, noonish, by the pool (hittin the bottle again, naturally)
"So Danli (not to be confused w/ Dandy), would you say this was a comfortable patch of grass I was laying on per se?"-me
"Dude not at all you were on the side walk, and your ass was on the curb.. I was just chillin with (so n so) and I thought you were just doin it for attention.. so we waited n waited, i'm like 'Max, stop bein a fag.. quit showing off, u'r drunk congratulations' So fifteen minutes went by and was like 'wow he's really out' and I had to carry you back and I put u in bed with my date. I thought it'd be funny when you'd wake up next to each other" His date also a member of the drunken shithead club that night, turned out he had even left her at the carnation thing. I woke up at 6AM next to this girl, and I'm like 'this looks reallyyy bad' and I booked it.
4. The Beachhouse in Mass...
So JP informs me that his buddy is renting a house for a week from his grandmother that is 100 yards away from the beach for the simple price of them painting the house. This worked out to be perfect timing for me because New London schools had just gotten out that week (I was a hall monitor lol) and my job at Best Buy hadn't started yet. So I was free, unfortunately no1 else was from my town so noone else could see this place I speak of. It really was something out of a post card, (Hull, MA if you've ever been).. and every day and night we had a keg we were working on. I was there 3 days and with the exception of the last night we had a 1.5 girl to guy ratio. And the thing was there really weren't that many on the beach... I'm confident that we scrounged up all of them and at one point or another they paid a visit to our place.
So of course night three was the night of my sister's graduation. And for christmas, my parents got most of our relatives this enlarged picture of them alongside Brooke for her graduation. When I came home from this vacation, my mom wouldn't speak to me at all for a good two days and when she finally did she was in tears. This enlarged framed picture serves as a constant reminder that I'm an asshole. But it was a good time though.. I obv. didn't make the best decision by staying that 3rd night, but I was buzzed by noon, and every girl who I asked for their opinion on the matter of their brother attending their graduation said it wasn't a big deal. But still a great time Jean. Bravo.
3. The speech-
Don and I gave a persuasive speech on safe sex as our final speech for our public speaking class. Our first choice for a topic was masterbation, so I sent our professor an email and it went something like this...
> I was thinking about doing the topic of masterbation for a
> persuasive speech. Now, I'm not born yesterday and I'm sure you
> may be thinking the worst with this one right off the bat. But I
> plan on doing this one from strictly a health and medical stand
> point, I can assure you that if you approved it would be done in a
> professional and mature fashion. Thank you for your time.
> -Max
and she wrote back...
Hi Max,
I'm sure that you had the best intentions in choosing the topic, but even though masturbating is healthy and common, I believe some students in class may be uncomfortable listening to such a private topic.
Therefore, try to choose another one.
so we went with safe sex...
And after all the antics we had been part of throughout the year I feel that this was an appropriate climax. Since I have all the notes freshly saved on my computer I'm confident that I can pretty much deliver the highlights in verbadum (or close to it) to you all. I also feel that with propper promotion we could have sold out a lecture hall.
Don leads off-
"We're here to talk to you about safe sex today.. Unfortunately safe sex is not your mom and dad going out of town for the weekend, it isn't telling your girl friend your at the "library," and despite what James Bond says it isn't keeping a pistol underneath your pillow (i wrote that last one)....
(this is when he gains credibility on the subject)
I have seen far too many friends, peers, colleagues, celebrities, sports stars have issues with STD's or AIDS or unplanned pregnancies even. And in this day and age, when I hear slogans rolling off my peers' tongues so carelessly such as "I don't believe in condoms, I believe in myself." I think that is grotesque, and you know what else is grotesque? STD's on the genetalia.
(he then goes on to list the symptoms of some STD's.. but when we had a trick up our sleeve to make sure everyone was paying attention for Chlamydia)
Some of the health problems of Chlamydia are
-abdominal pain
-lower back pain
-pain with intercourse
-bleeding between periods
-fever
(he then looks at me)
me:"That's like; I gotta fever and the only prescription is more cowbell!"
(and we cut to a pic on the power point of will ferell playing the cowbell)
don: "Well Maxwell, this isn't Saturday Night Live, there is nothing funny about Chlamydia."
(For the most part Don finished his part smoothly, if only he could compose himself similar when I spoke. I went right in after he told about all the horrors of STD's and I told about how effective condoms were)
"...the 12% of the time when condoms fail is because of some girls don't get as... moist in that region as others do (this is when don lost it like a little 5th grader) you're gonna want to pick up water based lubrications such as KY Jelly, where as petroleum jelly and mineral oil products may help the condom rip.
Now folks if we don't act... we could all end up like Africa, South Africa rather (I stumbled, and cut to a pic of a couple starving Africans)... But if we do act, well, experts disagree as to what exactly this Utopia like world will look like, but we happen to think it'll look something like this...
http://community.webshots.com/photo/100543523/239319786FwqNbh
as you can see people are happy and disease free like the gentlemen in this picture...
(Despite Don's giggles, I'm still doing fine here as far as not laughing goes.. it was when I came to the call to action portion of the conclusion where we were supposed to use powerful and vivid words)
Folks, it is bad enough we must experience the pain and suffering for our own mistakes of aquiring these STD's but let us not taint future generations. Let us set a firm foundation of principles, mores, practices.. Let our genearation be serve as a beacon of sexual responsibilityhood (not even a word.. but this is where I lost it)
Don interrupts- PREACH ON!
Yes a beacon, not an outcast of sexual responsibilityhood. And Remember folks, the vows of abstinence break far more often than condoms. Or at least thats my experience. So use your head, and put a condom on it."
2. Don breaks into his own room
I'm going to tell you this story as Don told it to me when I first found out. This is what I was talking about in my last LJ entry in me being a moron for ever loaning the keys to my car to this kid.
"Let me tell you that I woke up with glass all over my bed to cops handcuffing me!"
"What?? What the hell did you do?"-me
"Well I get to my room, and I realized I didn't have my keys or my cell phone, so I punched right through my window (shattering everything) and went to bed... I later on I'm awoken by these cops and my (gay)roommate staring at me cuz the cops wanted him to identify me omg you should've seen the look on his face."
"Hold up hold up.. where the fuck is my car!?"
"I'll get to that, so like I said, I didn't have my keys or phone. So then I went to your car and sure enough the keys were in the ignition and my phone was on the dash board."
So he smashed through the window, and amazingly he just had one little scratch on him and didn't cut any vital organs- but most importantly my car was fine.
Later I ask Kace cold (who was hanging out w/ him this night)how this could have happened..
"Yeah we told him not leave the parking lot and take the car around for a spin to see how he did.. AND THEN HE JUST SQUEELED OUT!" -Kace, also a moron.
1. Red Sox
THE RED SOX WON THE FUCKING WORLD SERIES!! This needs no explanation. Hope you all enjoyed the list.
10. 3 Chicks + 3 Dudes - clothes= good times
It was a warm monday evening in July, my plans for the evening was to celebrate some good news I had just received.. (I'll get into that news around moment #7) and I planned on celebrating even if it met just getting hammered w/ sturgie. But to my suprise, sturgie shows up with Brittany and Brittany (I'm going to refer to all the ladies in this entry as Brittany, to protect the guilty). And next to arrive was Geo and Brittany. We were drinking for maybe an hour or two.. when someone says "let's go skinny dipping!" and amazingly it got unanimous approval. Only problem from my stand point was that this was one of the few nights in the summer that we didn't have the air conditioning on and all the windows were open. My dad's room was literally ten feet above from where we all stripped down to our bday suits. Naturally, I was doing a lot of shhh's when i wasn't trying to control the semi. I just lost it tho when Geo lost control of the volume of his voice and his wood and started chasing Brittany around, Brittany giggling the whole time.
"Touch it, just go ahead touch it!" or "jump on it!" He said a lot worse I just can't remember, this is when Gregory (my dad) steps in and goes to the window.
"If you wanna swim then swim but if your going to be loud then just GO HOME!"... day's later he would say to me as we were painting "Who was that malado boy?.. He's a crude son of a gun isn't he." So yeah my dad saw all the Brittany's naked no doubt. Ohhh and as my sister was coming in sturg goes right up to the sliding glass door, buck naked of course, and knocks and waves.. right when she realized what she was looking at her head jerked in the other direction like it had just been hit by a brick. Real nice sturg.
Everything was going great this night, until Sturg, Geo, and two of the Brittany's decide to streak a lap around the block. They didn't even make it out the end of my drive way before brittany tripped and took one of the most nastiest spills these eyes had ever seen. This is completely what Seinfeld was talking about with the whole "bad naked" concept. We're talking scrapes and bruses everywhere, you really woulda thought she had been beaten if you saw the rasberries and bruses that week. So of course that sucked the life right out of the night.
9 & 8. Our pledge trip missions...
This year Don and I pledged a frat in California, one of the selling factors on the venture for me was we would get to take a road trip (see the state), steal signs, and do crazy shit. And it turned out our first mission was to go into the Castro District of San Francisco (the notoriously gay district) and dress up like homo's and get a picture with them...
As we were driving into this section we couldn’t help but notice the rainbow flags every 10 yards and the big rainbow flag next to the U.S. one, I’m thinkin to myself right then; that there could not be a worse time to pull such a stunt. Last I checked the queers over there were rallying and all pissed off that they can’t get married, which by the way I find ridiculous that this is actually an issue in this day n age. The deficit is at an all time high (or a pretty damn high), we’re at war, and we’re worried about fags getting married, amazing. So I’m thinking to myself,… “How can I do this w/o offending them?” If I do an over the top, Earnest n Charles style impression (anyone i.m. me and I’ll send ya that skit), they’ll probably know I’m bullshitting and will probably no way in hell they’ll take a picture w/ us and just storm off.. and I figured that may start a chain reaction of all the other queers in the radius. So I just went with sort of a salesman / talking to my g/f’s mom / flirtatious tone a way a girl would talk to me sort of tactic… Just had to swallow the old pride on this one.
“Oh hi there.”
“Hi!” this guy certainly wasn’t shy
“Hi, yeah we’re from CT and we just wanna know what is there to doooo around here (really gotta hold certain words like that .. I don’t know why but it’s important lol)” And as he was responding I couldn’t really look at him as he undressed me w/ his eyes so I went down to play with his 4 legged friend.
“Ohhh what a cuute dog you haveee,” I thought ‘this is great, who doesn’t play with a dog like a fag..he’ll definitely buy it.’ So right around when he got done yappin. I cut to the chase.
“Hey you think we could take a picture.. I wanna show ppl at home what cute friends we have out here!” And there ya have it, a tremendously gay pic taken by two lesbians. Go figure. And right after they took the pic, right before the guy even said anything ..
“Alirght see ya!” And we just took off. And I felt kinda bad ya know, I could tell I really had him .. that lasted about 2sec and I thought about all the girls at mardi gras parties, keg parties I’ve hosted, or parties where chicks j/ need a beer.. and have pretty much done the same thing to me. I WAS A COCK TEASE. http://community.webshots.com/photo/123878952/123883244SPQezU
Don had a special mission just reserved for himself...
he had to strip into just a woman's thong in the middle of a circuit city as one of us would crank up the volume on a stereo of an apporpriate song for the sherade. Judging by Don’s prior pessimism on the trip, I really didn’t think he was going to do this.
“What the fuck is Party Boy? That’s Scotty’s (lauring) thing… he needs to do this… Are you sure I need to wear a thong… fuck that… why can’t I wear boxers… wa wa wa this is fucking stupid.”
Call watching this prior spectacle a little rebirth of Don’s attitude or outlook on things. Cuz he was down like a clown when it came game time. He put on a white thong that John (el presidente) had picked up from a few panty droppers earlier on the road. The plan was for Don to go in and take off his clothes and dance up on a couple of ppl in there. Me and John go in before don by about 20sec and there wasn’t anybody there, I had my camera down around my waist so it didn’t look like I was going in to video tape people but rather just to be another consumer looking to compare his camera to all the others, therefore being able to pull off our mission with out the employees shutting it down before it started. Only problem was for Don there wasn’t anyone in the store but a pretty cute employee named Liberty, alongside her was some chink employee. So as John starts slowly turning up the volume on this subbed out stereo and (ladies…) all… of Dons clothes come off with the exception of his thong, and he danced up on Liberty and the chink just like on jack ass. I’ve never seen anyone so frazzled in their life.. I went up to her w/ the camera after don ran off..
“Ya know what was that???”
“I… cannot….believe that just happened!” smile about as big as a kid in a porn shop. She really was just speechless.
“Is this the sort of nonsense this business endorses, I come here to buy a family stereo and this is what I see!?”
still just speechless… and then the chink notices the camera angled up at her and I take that opportunity to book it. I really gotta tip my hat to don, I honestly laugh every time I play this back in my head.. Unfortunately kids the camera work wasn’t the best and you lose much of the amusement due to the poor camera work BUT it is enough to prove that the incident occured and I'm not making it up.
7. The Snakesta Palooza that never was...
That same night that the skinny dipping occured. I was just coming home from a long day of retarted work at Best Buy, and right as I walked though the door, I see my mom on the phone which and she's booking a hotel for herself and my dad in Philly. Now if you know me, and you know my house, you'd know this had been the day I had been waiting for for the majority of my adult life. But if you've been an avid reader of my LJ's or just a spectator of my life in general, you know that if theres one field I excell at it is screwing things up.
So after this skinny dipping venture, I hope on the computer and I i.m. my buddy JP from curry giving him the exact dates of when my parents were going out and telling him to come down. Like a typical drunken moron, I don't close this i.m. box. My mom see's this the next morning, and inquires to me about it right as return from the gym. I had a feeling in the back of my head that I had left it up so I held a decent poker face.
My mom-"Who's JP??"
Me-"Ohh that's my friend Jenna from UConn, I figured it'd be nice if she could come down while you guys were gone and we could have some alone time." (I said something to that affect).
My mom-"Ohh well then why did you say 'bring a car full of guys?'"
Me (this is when I kinda day dreamed off in the distance for a couple seconds)- "Ohh well the last time we hung out she brought a car full of guys to my friends house and I was just being sarcastic." She then gave me the 20 questions about this "girl" and I basically said she was a grad student in the UConn dentist school.. and that my whole reasoning was that having her over when my parents WERE home would undermine my image. I told her how we had met originally at Curry and wa wa wa and now she was at UConn. Ahh the shit I came up with, my logic was "the more complex the story the more likely of it's validity". And I'm pretty sure she bought it.
But two weeks later as I was left with out any closure on the issue of them departing or not, we were having dinner. And my dad was saying how it was perfectly fine to have a girl over, that they just didn't want anyone else over. My mom also reiterrated what he said as if I missed it the first time, which usually translates into things going my way in these sort of situations. But then my dad asks about this girl and I said her name was Caitlin and that she was from Curry.
"I thought you said she was in the Dentist school at UConn." my mom called me on it.
Believe it or not I still put up a decent fight. My mom and my sister ended up just going on this trip to my sister's orientation in Philly. My dad just said he stayed because "he had work" to do or some shit. They couldn't even cut it to me dry. I'm guessing the consensus was that if the skinny dipping incident was what happens when they were home; then god help us all if they were all to leave. I only am writing this now because I really could care less if they do go away again or not. I just don't put as much stock in these parties as I used to. After a semester of hosting parties here at carriage... it almost seems like it's more trouble than its worth.
6. New Orleans-
I'd definately have to say that New Orleans was the best place I've been to this year, def. outdid Vegas in my opinion. http://community.webshots.com/photo/119249759/119251781fPTiqy
if that pic in and of itself is not a top 10 moment than I don't know what is. I couldn't get into any of the nice clubs where girls my age were so I stuck to the older chicks. And again.. I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE OBLITERATED IN MY LIFE. I need to go back.
5. Don and Max become bar tenders-
Our fraternity in Cali was having a formal thing, which costed about $100 a couple. Don and I didn't have the funds for this venture so they thought it was a swell idea if we earned our keep by becoming bartenders. Here's an excerpt from my LJ i wrote fresh after it happened-
so I'm stickin around after and helping clean up, at only what I could describe as the peak of my drunkeness. So I'm carrying a couple poorly stacked boxes of ghetto juice down 3 flights of stairs. I miraciously navigate all the way down each one, and as I go out the door i kinda stumble and out comes two gallons of ghetto juice that spilt all over my friends moms nice feet and got some of it her dress. Well you know how theres a certain decorum of politeness that adults hold when they talk to young men such as myself? Right as it hit her, she fuckin flips-
"GOD DAMMMNIT!! That fuckin son of a bitch spilled shit all over me!! What the fuck!" as she was jumpin all around and yellin at her husband. O man o man. This is just one of those things that you really bang your head for the duration of the next day. But seriously what do you expect when you put me behind the bar? Ken "the toolman" Dandy, our new president told one of us to be sober throughout the night- that only motivated us to get even more drunk. Sureeee thing Dandy. Which I think he even got drunk enough that he forgot he even said it so it was all gravy.
So after the party was afterparty...
this is where my memory turns into that of Don Speed's.. an utter blank. I remember chillin at "3rd n cherry" (friends place) and it being a good happy place. Lots o drunks everywhere. I don't even remember wanting to leave or anything..
The day after, noonish, by the pool (hittin the bottle again, naturally)
"So Danli (not to be confused w/ Dandy), would you say this was a comfortable patch of grass I was laying on per se?"-me
"Dude not at all you were on the side walk, and your ass was on the curb.. I was just chillin with (so n so) and I thought you were just doin it for attention.. so we waited n waited, i'm like 'Max, stop bein a fag.. quit showing off, u'r drunk congratulations' So fifteen minutes went by and was like 'wow he's really out' and I had to carry you back and I put u in bed with my date. I thought it'd be funny when you'd wake up next to each other" His date also a member of the drunken shithead club that night, turned out he had even left her at the carnation thing. I woke up at 6AM next to this girl, and I'm like 'this looks reallyyy bad' and I booked it.
4. The Beachhouse in Mass...
So JP informs me that his buddy is renting a house for a week from his grandmother that is 100 yards away from the beach for the simple price of them painting the house. This worked out to be perfect timing for me because New London schools had just gotten out that week (I was a hall monitor lol) and my job at Best Buy hadn't started yet. So I was free, unfortunately no1 else was from my town so noone else could see this place I speak of. It really was something out of a post card, (Hull, MA if you've ever been).. and every day and night we had a keg we were working on. I was there 3 days and with the exception of the last night we had a 1.5 girl to guy ratio. And the thing was there really weren't that many on the beach... I'm confident that we scrounged up all of them and at one point or another they paid a visit to our place.
So of course night three was the night of my sister's graduation. And for christmas, my parents got most of our relatives this enlarged picture of them alongside Brooke for her graduation. When I came home from this vacation, my mom wouldn't speak to me at all for a good two days and when she finally did she was in tears. This enlarged framed picture serves as a constant reminder that I'm an asshole. But it was a good time though.. I obv. didn't make the best decision by staying that 3rd night, but I was buzzed by noon, and every girl who I asked for their opinion on the matter of their brother attending their graduation said it wasn't a big deal. But still a great time Jean. Bravo.
3. The speech-
Don and I gave a persuasive speech on safe sex as our final speech for our public speaking class. Our first choice for a topic was masterbation, so I sent our professor an email and it went something like this...
> I was thinking about doing the topic of masterbation for a
> persuasive speech. Now, I'm not born yesterday and I'm sure you
> may be thinking the worst with this one right off the bat. But I
> plan on doing this one from strictly a health and medical stand
> point, I can assure you that if you approved it would be done in a
> professional and mature fashion. Thank you for your time.
> -Max
and she wrote back...
Hi Max,
I'm sure that you had the best intentions in choosing the topic, but even though masturbating is healthy and common, I believe some students in class may be uncomfortable listening to such a private topic.
Therefore, try to choose another one.
so we went with safe sex...
And after all the antics we had been part of throughout the year I feel that this was an appropriate climax. Since I have all the notes freshly saved on my computer I'm confident that I can pretty much deliver the highlights in verbadum (or close to it) to you all. I also feel that with propper promotion we could have sold out a lecture hall.
Don leads off-
"We're here to talk to you about safe sex today.. Unfortunately safe sex is not your mom and dad going out of town for the weekend, it isn't telling your girl friend your at the "library," and despite what James Bond says it isn't keeping a pistol underneath your pillow (i wrote that last one)....
(this is when he gains credibility on the subject)
I have seen far too many friends, peers, colleagues, celebrities, sports stars have issues with STD's or AIDS or unplanned pregnancies even. And in this day and age, when I hear slogans rolling off my peers' tongues so carelessly such as "I don't believe in condoms, I believe in myself." I think that is grotesque, and you know what else is grotesque? STD's on the genetalia.
(he then goes on to list the symptoms of some STD's.. but when we had a trick up our sleeve to make sure everyone was paying attention for Chlamydia)
Some of the health problems of Chlamydia are
-abdominal pain
-lower back pain
-pain with intercourse
-bleeding between periods
-fever
(he then looks at me)
me:"That's like; I gotta fever and the only prescription is more cowbell!"
(and we cut to a pic on the power point of will ferell playing the cowbell)
don: "Well Maxwell, this isn't Saturday Night Live, there is nothing funny about Chlamydia."
(For the most part Don finished his part smoothly, if only he could compose himself similar when I spoke. I went right in after he told about all the horrors of STD's and I told about how effective condoms were)
"...the 12% of the time when condoms fail is because of some girls don't get as... moist in that region as others do (this is when don lost it like a little 5th grader) you're gonna want to pick up water based lubrications such as KY Jelly, where as petroleum jelly and mineral oil products may help the condom rip.
Now folks if we don't act... we could all end up like Africa, South Africa rather (I stumbled, and cut to a pic of a couple starving Africans)... But if we do act, well, experts disagree as to what exactly this Utopia like world will look like, but we happen to think it'll look something like this...
http://community.webshots.com/photo/100543523/239319786FwqNbh
as you can see people are happy and disease free like the gentlemen in this picture...
(Despite Don's giggles, I'm still doing fine here as far as not laughing goes.. it was when I came to the call to action portion of the conclusion where we were supposed to use powerful and vivid words)
Folks, it is bad enough we must experience the pain and suffering for our own mistakes of aquiring these STD's but let us not taint future generations. Let us set a firm foundation of principles, mores, practices.. Let our genearation be serve as a beacon of sexual responsibilityhood (not even a word.. but this is where I lost it)
Don interrupts- PREACH ON!
Yes a beacon, not an outcast of sexual responsibilityhood. And Remember folks, the vows of abstinence break far more often than condoms. Or at least thats my experience. So use your head, and put a condom on it."
2. Don breaks into his own room
I'm going to tell you this story as Don told it to me when I first found out. This is what I was talking about in my last LJ entry in me being a moron for ever loaning the keys to my car to this kid.
"Let me tell you that I woke up with glass all over my bed to cops handcuffing me!"
"What?? What the hell did you do?"-me
"Well I get to my room, and I realized I didn't have my keys or my cell phone, so I punched right through my window (shattering everything) and went to bed... I later on I'm awoken by these cops and my (gay)roommate staring at me cuz the cops wanted him to identify me omg you should've seen the look on his face."
"Hold up hold up.. where the fuck is my car!?"
"I'll get to that, so like I said, I didn't have my keys or phone. So then I went to your car and sure enough the keys were in the ignition and my phone was on the dash board."
So he smashed through the window, and amazingly he just had one little scratch on him and didn't cut any vital organs- but most importantly my car was fine.
Later I ask Kace cold (who was hanging out w/ him this night)how this could have happened..
"Yeah we told him not leave the parking lot and take the car around for a spin to see how he did.. AND THEN HE JUST SQUEELED OUT!" -Kace, also a moron.
1. Red Sox
THE RED SOX WON THE FUCKING WORLD SERIES!! This needs no explanation. Hope you all enjoyed the list.