DALLAS
Many have been asking me, "Just who is Dallas?" and I'm pretty tired of telling so I figured I'd put it all out there so we can cut down on small talk.
When you meet Dallas: girls, please don't give him the whole "Do they call you that because you're a cowboy!?" Be original. Dallas likes his women's wit to match their beauty, and girl's have been giving him that routine since before he knew what a cowboy was. This year for Halloween Dallas painted himself the shade of a negro from the waste down, just because he found it funny to claim he was "Compton from the waste down." That's just Dallas though, I'm more of a NorCal fan myself. He's the kind of guy that takes a cold shower every morning only as a necessity of fitting into his jeans. He's actually in the process of coining the phrase, "Good news is I fit into my bathing suit, the bad news is we're all out of ducte tape." He's not doing so because he's anticipating to make any economic gains off such a phrase, but rather it really pisses him off when other people take his shit. Dallas is the kind of guy that does typpos just to reassure his following that he's only human. And fellas, as word to the wise, I would not fuck with Dallas. Not only can he but he has been known to snap grown mens' knecks like twigs. Having a passion for history, he's also a big fan of the art of unorthadox warfare. He stole a page out of the playbook of the Hmongs, where in 1730 they were fighting the stubborn Chinese and the Hmong were short on warriors so they murdered their own wives and children, believing they would fight more fiercely if they had nothing to lose. Every so often when Dallas finds a worthy opponent, he'll take his own wallet out and throw it as far as he can muster (ideally in the direction of the nearest body of water) just so he too would have nothing to lose and fight more destructively. No holds bar, it's how he lives his life. But ladies don't be alarmed by his iron fist. Though he's a red sox fan, and has never spoken a word with a southern accent, he's no stranger to southern hospitality. And much like a futon with a couple layers of egg crates underneath, he may look like a pain in the ass and rigid on the outside but is nothing but warm and soft once you lie down on it.
When you meet Dallas: girls, please don't give him the whole "Do they call you that because you're a cowboy!?" Be original. Dallas likes his women's wit to match their beauty, and girl's have been giving him that routine since before he knew what a cowboy was. This year for Halloween Dallas painted himself the shade of a negro from the waste down, just because he found it funny to claim he was "Compton from the waste down." That's just Dallas though, I'm more of a NorCal fan myself. He's the kind of guy that takes a cold shower every morning only as a necessity of fitting into his jeans. He's actually in the process of coining the phrase, "Good news is I fit into my bathing suit, the bad news is we're all out of ducte tape." He's not doing so because he's anticipating to make any economic gains off such a phrase, but rather it really pisses him off when other people take his shit. Dallas is the kind of guy that does typpos just to reassure his following that he's only human. And fellas, as word to the wise, I would not fuck with Dallas. Not only can he but he has been known to snap grown mens' knecks like twigs. Having a passion for history, he's also a big fan of the art of unorthadox warfare. He stole a page out of the playbook of the Hmongs, where in 1730 they were fighting the stubborn Chinese and the Hmong were short on warriors so they murdered their own wives and children, believing they would fight more fiercely if they had nothing to lose. Every so often when Dallas finds a worthy opponent, he'll take his own wallet out and throw it as far as he can muster (ideally in the direction of the nearest body of water) just so he too would have nothing to lose and fight more destructively. No holds bar, it's how he lives his life. But ladies don't be alarmed by his iron fist. Though he's a red sox fan, and has never spoken a word with a southern accent, he's no stranger to southern hospitality. And much like a futon with a couple layers of egg crates underneath, he may look like a pain in the ass and rigid on the outside but is nothing but warm and soft once you lie down on it.