Work Stories
This week I started working as an office assistant for my dad's
company. I thought it was going to be heinous and boring, but you know,
I actually like it. My dad has a very odd office staff and listening to
them is almost like a sitcom.
Sharyl is the general manager and she's a large and tenacious lesbian. Jeff is my dad's technical specialist and he's very bitchy and sarcastic. Sandra's the mail room person and she's married but likes to talk/act kinda slutty. Debra is the data entry person who looks and acts like a female Milton from "Office Space." Linda is the receptionist who's very friendly but sorta ditzy, and everyone likes to make fun of her behind her back.
Here are some quotes that I wrote down in the last few days that I thought were funny.
Jeff: Linda, did you used to be popular in high school?
Linda: Yeah.
Jeff: What happened?
Debra: Matt, can you help me assemble this cabinet? I'm not very handy. *turns around and walks to her office*
Sandra & Jeff: *give me looks of doom*
Me: Is she telling the truth?
Sandra: Just help her. Before she strikes again.
Dad: Did you hear about that Walton guy who died? He was 11th on the list of the world's richest people.
Debra: Makes you think, doesn't it?
Linda: I hope he was nice.
Sandra: Yeah, that's a legacy.
Dad: Oh, sorry Sandy - I expected you to say, "damnit, missed another one!"
Sandra: Hey Linda, When did you graduate?
Linda: '81. Same year as Jeff.
Jeff: '81 was when I graduated middle school, relic.
Jeff: *on intercom* The server is up.
Sandra: Yay! *clicks mouse*
Jeff: The server is down. How the hell did you break it in 3 seconds?
Sharyl: So when I'm on vacation and Val's not here, Jeff is in charge.
Jeff: Yep. I'm Charles in charge.
Linda: *snickers*
Jeff: Fine, I'm CHARO in charge. *angrily* Coochie-COOCHIE.
Sandra: Linda, how's your husband feeling?
Linda: Mark's OK. He won't go to the doctor so I made an appointment for him. He has to give a sample.
Sandra: Oh, gotcha.
Linda: *unnecessarily* A stool sample. Because he's had the runs for days.
Sandra: Gross Linda, I'm eating!
Jeff: *beeps in on intercom* Linda, I'd like to ask that you refrain from discussing feces during lunch hour.
Linda: Would you rather I say diarrehea?
Jeff: I'd prefer you just stop talking altogether.
Sharyl is the general manager and she's a large and tenacious lesbian. Jeff is my dad's technical specialist and he's very bitchy and sarcastic. Sandra's the mail room person and she's married but likes to talk/act kinda slutty. Debra is the data entry person who looks and acts like a female Milton from "Office Space." Linda is the receptionist who's very friendly but sorta ditzy, and everyone likes to make fun of her behind her back.
Here are some quotes that I wrote down in the last few days that I thought were funny.
Jeff: Linda, did you used to be popular in high school?
Linda: Yeah.
Jeff: What happened?
Debra: Matt, can you help me assemble this cabinet? I'm not very handy. *turns around and walks to her office*
Sandra & Jeff: *give me looks of doom*
Me: Is she telling the truth?
Sandra: Just help her. Before she strikes again.
Dad: Did you hear about that Walton guy who died? He was 11th on the list of the world's richest people.
Debra: Makes you think, doesn't it?
Linda: I hope he was nice.
Sandra: Yeah, that's a legacy.
Dad: Oh, sorry Sandy - I expected you to say, "damnit, missed another one!"
Sandra: Hey Linda, When did you graduate?
Linda: '81. Same year as Jeff.
Jeff: '81 was when I graduated middle school, relic.
Jeff: *on intercom* The server is up.
Sandra: Yay! *clicks mouse*
Jeff: The server is down. How the hell did you break it in 3 seconds?
Sharyl: So when I'm on vacation and Val's not here, Jeff is in charge.
Jeff: Yep. I'm Charles in charge.
Linda: *snickers*
Jeff: Fine, I'm CHARO in charge. *angrily* Coochie-COOCHIE.
Sandra: Linda, how's your husband feeling?
Linda: Mark's OK. He won't go to the doctor so I made an appointment for him. He has to give a sample.
Sandra: Oh, gotcha.
Linda: *unnecessarily* A stool sample. Because he's had the runs for days.
Sandra: Gross Linda, I'm eating!
Jeff: *beeps in on intercom* Linda, I'd like to ask that you refrain from discussing feces during lunch hour.
Linda: Would you rather I say diarrehea?
Jeff: I'd prefer you just stop talking altogether.