bored and lonely
well i am bored straight. no one is here that i can talk to and i don't know what to do. i feel like talking to someone but its too late for that. i think i'll go downstairs and do some push-ups or something. maybe if i keep my body occupied then my mind will not be so distracted. i feel lonely, like their should be someone else in my life. that signicant other. i am wrong most likey but at the same time i don't know. what if i never get married. i never had the best luck with girls so what is to make me think that i will get married. i want to do so much. i want to be strong and smart. i want to be the person who isn't always considered the "good friend". i want to be able to be person that isn't weak physically and otherwise. i don't want to sin or anything like that but i want to be the best. the best fighter and the best lover(not in the screwing sense). i want to be able to the best yet i can never reach those goals. i always miss my mark and its seriously starting to piss me off. WHY CAN'T I DO IT RIGHT??? argh this is so frustrating. i don't have the best body, no girl wants to go with me, and then who knows what else i can't think of right now. i thought about going to the club again tonight just to get away but i declined. why bother. i think i'll take a walk or work out. i need to do something. i can't sit here and do nothing but at the same time why help if no one wants it? argh, life is so frustrating. for me, i feel stronger but am not. i feel like i can take on the whole world right now. i want to hit something or someone so bad its killing. i think of people who have pissed me off so bad and all the the stuff that has happened to me and i just want to piss myself off to explode. i feel so powerful. i feel that with me, there is a point where the body feels nothing but power. its from adlenline filling the body. kinda like a super sayian-jin thing when a sayian gets pissed off royally(cept my hair ain't turning blonde anytime soon). i think that although you are extremely pissed off at everything, u can contain that power and use it to destory or hurt or do something powerful but at the same time you are so pissed that you want to use that power you have to hurt and destory so its hard to control. i call it limit breaking(and some guy at a website called it that too and it makes sense to me). you have broken you limit and pushed yourself to a new height. i try to do it. i want to find something sometimes and just hit it nothing it won't hurt me to do it. i want to destory and prove to people that i am not some pansy pushover geek who can't take care of his damn self. i am stronger that what i appear to be and i can prove it if i get the chance. for now, i must get over the "i feel like i am going to hurt someone if i do this" feeling inside of me when i wrestle. when i get rid of that i will be better off. i'm going to go and work out or push myself or something. i need to get stuff off of my mind right now. later.