like de ja vous...
I seem to have this reoccuring process that I really need to get rid of. I am unable to distinguish my feelings. I hurt a lot of people when this happens. I need to really sit back and analyze what the hell I am feeling and how I feel. Until then I can't take on anyone else into my life. And I'm sorry about that. I want to be more mature when it comes to experiences like these, but I'm just not. Until I can grow up in that aspect of my life, i just can't. I see this pattern and I hate it. I just don't know what to do, I get so confused. Things go perfectly but in the back of my head I have this feeling that I just can't seem to let go. I think I tend to want to let go of that feeling so I can move on, but the more I try and deny it, the more it occurs. Im not experienced at all in many parts of my life, hell, just life itself. These past 2 weeks have brought back a lot of feelings. I mean not just with one part of last year but everything last year. A lot of emotions from the whole ahmad thing were brought back, feelings of relationships last year. They were only brought back because I never let them go so in a way they kind of sank in. I dunno, I'm so confusing. I just don't feel ready for the world. I mean, if you aren't able to be ready for high school then you must be screwed for life. Anyways, Im sorry to Albert. I really am. I don't know why I did anything to make him feel... well, getting caught up with a girl like me just isn't good, thats for everyone to know. I... am not capable of thinking before I act, and thats why it will always feel like last year. I want to move on and this is the only way possible. For that, I am sorry. I'm just sorry.
Corinne
Corinne