(no subject)
I think I'm having a panic attack. For reals. My heart! Pot + death exam +sick + + school + morbid television + bad news + fear of consequences = attack!
I can't sleep, eat or smoke...my senses are heighted. I want water, trim fingernails and clean teeth. But stepping into a huge hallway at this hour seems so far from what I want to do. I feel crippled and terrified. My heart was going all wonkie before I made a pretty grim discovery about some of my relationships. I've gotten paraniod and feel as though I've been neglecting to maintain some of my most valued friendships.
And now for some reason I've also started worrying about my weight problem. Why am I such a hedonist. I do have a problem with this. People live good lives. I am self indulgent. I neeeed to calm down. I'm having serious issues with being me right now. I have to do some remodeling!
I'm calming down slightly. Attacks only last so long. It took me awhile to deciede that typing about feelings was the best was to talk yourself down. Should I have drank tea? The process of making the tea was too lonely. My fingernail clippers are downstairs. My roommate offered me pizza but I can't swallow food. I don't even think I am hungry. I think I just eat to feel good. A drink of water and a tylenol might make me feel better, able to sleep.
I discovered my post modern mantra tonight. Something doesn't matter unless you care about it.
I can't sleep, eat or smoke...my senses are heighted. I want water, trim fingernails and clean teeth. But stepping into a huge hallway at this hour seems so far from what I want to do. I feel crippled and terrified. My heart was going all wonkie before I made a pretty grim discovery about some of my relationships. I've gotten paraniod and feel as though I've been neglecting to maintain some of my most valued friendships.
And now for some reason I've also started worrying about my weight problem. Why am I such a hedonist. I do have a problem with this. People live good lives. I am self indulgent. I neeeed to calm down. I'm having serious issues with being me right now. I have to do some remodeling!
I'm calming down slightly. Attacks only last so long. It took me awhile to deciede that typing about feelings was the best was to talk yourself down. Should I have drank tea? The process of making the tea was too lonely. My fingernail clippers are downstairs. My roommate offered me pizza but I can't swallow food. I don't even think I am hungry. I think I just eat to feel good. A drink of water and a tylenol might make me feel better, able to sleep.
I discovered my post modern mantra tonight. Something doesn't matter unless you care about it.