(no subject)
A part of it is, because it happened, I don't know what's a defense mechanism cause right now and for months having a kid sounds horrible and very repulsive. I was indifferent and sometimes on the fence. But it's like this just steered me so far away from it.
Like some naive gal that elopes in a whirlwind and then is widowed. She's young, and just decides nope. No more marriages or being widowed. Because it was introduced in trauma, the entire experience is repelled by the mind.
Weight loss was highly motivated by that. Was it an abnormality (fertile and infertile people sometimes have that happen). Was it my weight? Either way my body was an unlivable home. So lost weight, not in a planning to have a kid in the future way, but like a way to try to self improve. It just honors that it happened I guess. Something that my body could have been a better home than it was, is comforting
Like some naive gal that elopes in a whirlwind and then is widowed. She's young, and just decides nope. No more marriages or being widowed. Because it was introduced in trauma, the entire experience is repelled by the mind.
Weight loss was highly motivated by that. Was it an abnormality (fertile and infertile people sometimes have that happen). Was it my weight? Either way my body was an unlivable home. So lost weight, not in a planning to have a kid in the future way, but like a way to try to self improve. It just honors that it happened I guess. Something that my body could have been a better home than it was, is comforting