Tonight I Wanna Cry
AN: I've decided to do a series of sorts of fics that revolve around Andy and Miranda friendships border line mother/daughter relationship. (not to say I'm against the ones where there together I enjoy those also and I will keep writing and reading them) The thought came to me when I read a sad touching fic on FF.net that had Miranda actually being Andrea's mother I think XV wrote it not sure though.Going to admit that's the first DWP I've read that actually made me kind of tear up. Oh and do read Silkie birds? Really Andrea? by me ^^ before you read this or a part of this won't make any sense
Dedicated: To the people that feel their at the end of their rope and to the friends that feel the need to swoop in to save them
Warning: Extreme sadness and mentions of child abuse
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry
Wearing her favorite silk gray robe Miranda stands by the living room window watching as heavy rain drops roll lazily down the glass. The past years events running through her mind like one of those awful movies you see on lifetime."You cold hearted old bitch! You don't care about anything but yourself and that stupid rag you write for!" Stephen half yelled half slurred through the phone causing her to jump. "Stephen..." she tried only to be interrupted ...No Miranda I'm through with this shit! If you want to be alone so bad that you would go to Paris without even mentioning it to me then I think its best we get a divorce. After fifteen minutes of staring in to space she put the heated cell and sat on the hotel rooms couch drowning her sorrows in a glass of scotch. Stephens gone, her girls have gone to live with their father, and she like always is alone. Blinking back the tears Miranda sighs then turns around looking longingly toward the liquor cabinet. Miranda breathes in deeply thinking of the sweet relief that whiskey has brought her over this past year well if she was being honest these past years.She walks over and pours herself another drink. What was this her fourth? fifth? she didn't know she never knew.
Ring. She hears her phone break the silence.
Miranda automatically looked down at her watch. A quarter to twelve!? who the hell could that be calling at this time of night? her brain questioned as she reluctantly moved away from her spot by the window toward the noise .
It gave one last ring before she quickly picked it up. "Hello." Miranda greets in a shaky voice.
"Hey Mira." the voice on replies in its usual cheerful tone.Miranda feels warmth spread through her at the sound of her younger friends voice. The girl always seemed to know when she needed her. "Oh hello Andrea." replied Miranda now leaning against the nearest wall.
A pause on the other line then "Whats wrong sweetie?"
Forcing the tears back Miranda could only mange to whisper out a "Nothing" but she knew the brunette didn't believe her from the sigh that came on the other line.
Andy sighed deeply "Don't give me that Miranda."
"I said its nothing."
"I'm coming over."
Miranda's eyes widened in fear. Andrea could not, would not, see her like this. What would the girl think at seeing her idol like this. "No! don't be ridiculous Andrea I'm fine." she hurriedly replied before hanging up.
Miranda slid down the wall to the floor pulling her knees to her chest she buried her face in between them. "Cold heart bitch nobody loves you." she whispered to herself hitting the back of her head with clinched fists.
30 minutes later
Miranda stayed in that spot for a while then not willing to get up crawled to the table that held her beloved whiskey. She stood up on her knees and retrieved it.She then made her way back to her wall and clasped back in the same position she was in.Miranda sobbed chasing the lump in her throat with another swallow of the strong liquid. "Stupid foolish old bitch." she cried taking another healthy gulp. So preoccupied in her own self pity Miranda failed to hear the front door open.
She jumped as she felt warm arms around her "Oh Miranda whats happened?" a soft voice whispered in her ear.
Miranda head rose up from her knees narrowing her eyes she turned her head toward the voice. "Andrea?"
"Shh yeah its me." Andy soothed pulling the woman toward her. Andrea? Damn I should have never given her that key. Miranda thought as she buried the side of her face into the girls chest. "Wha...what are you doing here?"
The sound of the steady beat relaxing her making her sleepy.Miranda then let then let the alcohol consume her and fell asleep. "Come on let get you to bed you can tell me about it in the morning." Andy whispered scooping the now sleeping older woman in her arms noting the lightness of the woman's frame. Andy carried her to the couch and gently laid her down. When she tried to back away though she felt a strong hand wrap around her wrist.
"Please don't go." a gravely voice pleaded.
"Shh ok I'm not going anywhere." Andy reassured removing her arm gently out of the other woman's grip.Miranda felt relief flood her veins Andrea was staying she wasn't going to be alone. Andy then gave her a small smile and walked over to the love seat opposite of the couch.Laying down she looked back over at the older woman whos eyes were already closed sleeping.
Andy sighed shaky. She hated seeing Miranda like this. Miranda was the strong one. She was always the protector. She was Miranda Fucking Priestly for god-sake. Andy felt a baseball size lump form in her throat. She had to remind herself though Miranda was also human. With the same emotions as the rest of them.. Andy then looked over at the sleeping woman.Taking in the steady raise and fall of Miranda's chest it strangely gave the brunette some comfort.Andy smiled feeling content and rolled over as best she could then closed her eyes.
Morning
The next morning Miranda awoke to a pounding in her head and a flip floppy stomach. She closed her eyes quickly trying to relieve some of the pain then rubbed her temples ugh.
"You going to tell me what happened." a voice came from the doorway.
Not opening her eyes Miranda sighed deeply. "Andrea please get me an aspirin and one of those energy drinks from the refrigerator then I will tell you."
She heard a half hearty giggle that was closer then before. "I already have it right here if you would just open your eyes you would see that." At the promise of relief Miranda manged to open one of her lids. She smiled there towering over her was Andy with a bottle of pills in one hand and a red bull in the other.
"Thank you Andrea you are a saint." Miranda said raising her shaky hands up then taking the items out of the girls hands.Andy watched in slight amusement as her friend practically ripped the bottle open and took a fist full of pills popping them in her mouth all at once then washing them down with a healthy gulp of the energy drink.
The older woman took in a deep breath exhaling slowly then began "I..I don't really know what was wrong Andrea I just felt I don't know alone. I mean." Again she sighs." I'm a fifty year old third, time divorced woman and who's children hate her.Nobody loves me I...I'm ju..just a heartless bitch."Miranda said as she started to choke up.
"Oh Miranda." Andy said taking a seat beside the older woman's hip then took a hold of a cold hand." Sweetheart you may be fifty and divorced but I know your children love you and I also know that you are anything but heartless."
Miranda's brows furrowed at the brunette "That's really nice of you to say Andrea but I know my children hate me." She paused taking another gulp of the tangy liquid trying in vain to push back the tears "They have told me so. I shouldn't even be called a mother."
"Miranda your a wonderful mother I know there's nothing you would not do for those girls." boy do I know she added mainly to herself thinking of Harry Potter books and birthdays that had to be perfect.
"No! I'm a horrible mother."
"Listen Miranda I think its time I told you about my mother. I know in the past you've asked me about her and I've always changed the subject but there was a reason." Andy said taking in a shaky breath the watch Miranda nod in encouragement. "To tell you the reason I must tell you the story of how I came to be."
Miranda nodded again then placed a hand on the girls knee.It was true whenever they would bring up mothers Andrea would always drift away from the topic. Truth be to Miranda had always been a little curious.
Andy paused for a second trying to rein in her emotions long enough to get the words out then began. "I..I was the product of adultery." Andy said then stared out of the window no longer able to look her friend in the eye. "My mother cheated on her first husband with a nineteen year old man and then a month later she found out she was pregnant with me." Andy explained in a shaky voice. "So after getting a divorce and having me." Andy took in another deep breath "She married my father. My..my grandmother lived just down the road from them and my aunt who was about thirteenth at the time used to come get me from there." Fat tears rolled down the brunettes face "She told me later when I was eighteen what conditions they had me in." Andy then began to sob "Cat shit on the stoves, on the floor. dirty diapers everywhere. She..she would have men in and out of there every day when my father was a work." Andy's voice then turned bitter. "My aunt said one time they found me crawling on the floor in just a dirty diaper eating rotten tomatoes." Miranda want so badly just hold the girl but she knew she had to let Andrea get this off her chest.
She then spoke up "Why didn't your grandmother or aunt call CPS?"
"The..they didn't want to get my father in trouble. He was only twenty one at the time and my mother was thirty five and a known slut. I guess they did not want the shame."
"They went through two years of marital hell before he bailed leaving me with her." Andy said before explaining the years upon years of abuse caused by her mother. Miranda for her part could looked on in shock how could anybody treat a sweet girl like Andrea like that? Was the woman mental?
Andy by now had tears pooling down her cheeks.Most things she explained but for Miranda's sake she kept them to herself. "Remember when you got the little chicken for Easter and I told you about my uncles farm."
"Yes"
" Well he used to get me from time to time.He knew what went on behind closed doors so to get my mind out off of it he introduced me and let me have animals. I remember one time." Andy smiled "When I was about thirteen he showed me a small hen that looked kinda looked like yours. As if to emphasize her point she jutted her thump toward the back door. "That had hatched out a whole bunch of different kinds of little chicks." Andy's smile then turned bitter "I used to sit there watching them for hours. Amazed that a creature as simple as a chicken would be so loving to her babies."
The girl did not have a chance to finish it before Miranda could not take it anymore. She threw her arms around the girl pulling her in a fierce hug. "I...I wanted her love so..so mu..much Miranda that I was jealous of a chicken....a fucking chicken!" Andy yelled into her friends shoulder.
"Shh shh darling anybody would be lucky to have you for a daughter." Miranda whispered into Andy's ear.
"I wish you were my mother." Andy whispered in a voice too low for the older woman to hear then added in a voice a little louder "And anybody would be lucky to have you as a mother."
End
AN: Hope ya'll enjoy I've already started on a sequel...BTW drinking an energy drink when hungover always makes me feel better. Please review loves