see I told you I had some lamegay readyumbreon_blackyMay 2 2010, 03:50:33 UTC
...Was that really him? She was lacking in sleep lately, but not enough to be hallucinating just yet. A sharp, formless pain gripped her chest when he spoke. She should say something in return. Demand an apology. Forgive him. Give her own apology.
Instead, she just stared up at him, torn between rage and relief.
I LOVE IT FOREVER FFFF adoribu lamegayswhitedeviljackMay 2 2010, 04:51:25 UTC
"..." There was no reaction for a few moments. Whereas he tried to feel blank, she looked like she was feeling an overwhelming amount of everything. Obviously to the point where she could do nothing more than what she did and latch on to him.
At least she wasn't smacking him or something.
Raiden raised his hands tentatively and finally brought them around to her back and held her, positive he'd screw everything up with words so he said nothing.
Actions spoke louder than words, anyway; the fact that he'd returned the embrace at all instead of pushing her away said more than enough. It was funny - there were so many words in so many different human languages, yet it was almost impossible to accurately portray one's feelings through any of them. So many miscommunications within a species that prided itself on being so "advanced." How preposterous.
So many petty fights and confusing emotions. But a proper human should hide their feelings, or at least the negative ones. That's what the rules seemed to be. Tears were weakness. Something to be ashamed of.
...Blacky recognized that she would never be a proper human.
"You should have called back," she muttered into his shirt, not daring to pull away and reveal her face. Not yet. "I was worried."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgp_mUNBPzowhitedeviljackMay 2 2010, 05:43:06 UTC
I did call back. He opened his mouth to reply, but closed it. But I didn't say anything. What a coward...
Raiden was so human because he represented the player was so flawed, so full of emotion but picked and choose which ones he could express and what words he would say. Whether that was proper or not was up for debate, but it certainly was human.
It was a freedom that was often self-limiting. It was complicated. But he could try, maybe one little step at a time. Maybe just like she was trying. "...I'm sorry I worried you."
Now what? Even if he was sorry, he'd still leave again sooner or later. All Blacky could do in the meantime was distance herself to make sure it didn't hurt as much when it happened. To learn to stop being so clingy. She was supposed to be independent.
...She cared too much. Distancing herself was going to be impossible. It had already proven itself to be.
She exhaled slowly, shakily, and finally lifted her head. "...I keep... getting your clothes wet. Sorry." She sniffed, then made a weak attempt at a laugh. "It's... I must be overtired. Worrying. You look tired too. Just one of those... things..." She trailed off, taking a few deep breaths.
There were times when Rosemary did things like this, cried in his shirt like this. He reacted pretty much the same each time; he'd listen to her pour her heart out and he'd slowly rub her back and shoulders until she was looked up at him with those big, watery red eyes... And while he almost never knew what to say, but he always at least listened. The more he did the listening thing, the easier it tended to get with the saying-good-words thing too.
"It's okay..." He furrowed his brow sympathetically. He always hated seeing anyone like this, deep down. It made him feel so helpless. "I can wash them."
...And then something stupid would happen and they'd have an argument over lobster or something, then he'd recede and shut her out. It would all go back to square one again. How ironic.
Raiden rubbed her back and looked down at her. So far, so good. Just do what it says in the dating instruction manual. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Talking would be best. After all, bottling things up never did anybody any good, and Blacky knew that. Yet she just kept on doing it until everything just blew up in her face, or she just couldn't take it anymore and broke down crying in the middle of the hall. She must have looked so pathetic. She was. This was not how she'd been training herself to behave for the past decade.
"I-I, ah... I'm not quite... sure what to say." Another nervous laugh. She sniffed again and wiped at her eyes with the back of a hand. "Thank you, though. For offering. ...Sorry."
She should have just left it at that. Talking was too dangerous. Words led to arguments. But a silence would probably just lead to more tears.
He gently ushered her a steps back into his office, grabbed the chair from this desk and dragged it out for her to sit on. Then he slowly closed the door, aware that offering privacy was going to be the best thing he could do to start with.
Raiden didn't particularly want to talk about the freaky PREMONITIONS nightmares and introspection part of his journey... he didn't particularly want to talk about it at all, but he was willing to satiate her curiosity and explain the technicality of his trip; where physically went... and did and how much it SUCKED. He had already hurt her anyway...
He sat at the edge of his desk and frowned. "...I drove around with no direction, so I got lost pretty quick." He said quietly. "I could have sworn I was in Alaska at some point..." It was a start.
It was sweet of him to offer her privacy like this, when she was always invading his. She'd have to make a note to give him his own space more often.
She tucked her feet behind the legs of the chair, slipped them out, tucked them away again. Fidgeting. Finally she willed herself to cross her legs elegantly at the ankles, transferring the nervous movement to her hands clutching at the fabric of her skirt instead.
"...Alaska?" Seriously? "Such a long way... I'm glad you were able to find your way home in the end. --Ah, back here, at any rate." A bit of her hair was sticking to her damp cheek; she brushed it away and turned her head to the side.
"No accident." He affirmed. It was, believe it or not, a conscious decision. Mostly spurred by lack of gas/hotel money and the desire to sleep somewhere more comfortable than the backseat of the car but... he felt like he should come back. Like he was ready to come back. Like some invisible hand of the patriots was guiding him.
Raiden quickly scanned his office for a tissue and sadly realized he had none. There was a paper-towel roll which was all he could offer. "Here."
It was still better than nothing. She tore a square off and scrubbed at her face, leaving the paper towel a torn mess of tears and smudged make-up. She'd have to make sure to avoid being seen on her way back to her dorm.
"I can understand that. I... think I really do now. Even if it was hard for me to accept that anybody could think so differently from myself. I hate being alone." She wanted to attribute that narrow-mindedness to the human mindset, but she knew the problem lay within herself.
"...I never would have done it if I knew how much it would have bothered you. Even getting punched in the face wasn't quite as bad as thinking you wouldn't come back."
Raiden might of been pretty oblivious at times, especially when it came to something as complex a girl's feelings but he knew that from the start; she hated being alone. Even if he angrily deleted that one answering machine message she drunkenly left, he did hear it and he was pretty sure that was why she didn't want to be 'abandoned' again, as she put it. Because she attacked her trainer with that dark... energy... whatever it was, the same one Raiden experienced just a little before Halloween.
"Sometimes there's things you just need to work out yourself." He carefully said. He felt uncomfortable leaving it there and looked at her with a furrowed brow. "...How were things while I was gone?" It was natural curiosity, since if those messages were any indication, he missed some things.
Blacky, of course, didn't remember anything about the message beyond the fact that it was probably a bunch of stupid whiny nonsense and oh god she was so not drinking again for a while.
"It's, ah... It's definitely looking better than it was. I'm going to have to replace the couch and one of the shelves eventually..." She frowned. So many of the belongings that covered those shelves had been destroyed that what was left wouldn't take up too much room anyway. Maybe a new shelf could wait after all. But her couch...
"The greenhouse was destroyed as well, but I'm not sure if the culprit was the same. Everybody did a wonderful job working together to rebuild it, though! Seeing everybody brought together by such a noble common goal... it was rather beautiful."
She looked down at the crumpled towel in her hand, rolling it between her fingers. "I believe the lawn was also covered in... ah... a mess at one point but the rain seems to have washed it away."
"That's good." He was about to open his mouth to suggest DUMPSTER DIVING for a new couch and gosh how fun it'd be to drive her around looking for furniture sitting outside people's homes that they don't want anymore because that was always fun to fine gems like that and most important of all IT WAS FREE aaaaand then he remembered. She was kind of a lady of class. Who would probably reject that idea times a million. Raiden shut his mouth.
Yeah, half a ton of bird crap, from what it sounded like. "...yeah I don't think I could have stomached to clean all that up by myself anyway."
Jeff would happily go dumpster-diving with you, Raiden.
She laughed again at this, the sound being much more natural this time. Things were definitely looking better now. Hopefully they would stay that way. "I'm sure nobody would have faulted you for not wanting to touch it."
She was silent for a moment, then just looked up at him and finally smiled.
Laughter... sounded amazing. It sounded great. Her smile, for as smudged as her make-up was and for how puffy and red her eyes were from crying looked amazing. Raiden smiled just a little in return.
Instead, she just stared up at him, torn between rage and relief.
And then...
Reply
At least she wasn't smacking him or something.
Raiden raised his hands tentatively and finally brought them around to her back and held her, positive he'd screw everything up with words so he said nothing.
Reply
So many petty fights and confusing emotions. But a proper human should hide their feelings, or at least the negative ones. That's what the rules seemed to be. Tears were weakness. Something to be ashamed of.
...Blacky recognized that she would never be a proper human.
"You should have called back," she muttered into his shirt, not daring to pull away and reveal her face. Not yet. "I was worried."
Reply
Raiden was so human because he represented the player was so flawed, so full of emotion but picked and choose which ones he could express and what words he would say. Whether that was proper or not was up for debate, but it certainly was human.
It was a freedom that was often self-limiting. It was complicated. But he could try, maybe one little step at a time. Maybe just like she was trying. "...I'm sorry I worried you."
Reply
Now what? Even if he was sorry, he'd still leave again sooner or later. All Blacky could do in the meantime was distance herself to make sure it didn't hurt as much when it happened. To learn to stop being so clingy. She was supposed to be independent.
...She cared too much. Distancing herself was going to be impossible. It had already proven itself to be.
She exhaled slowly, shakily, and finally lifted her head. "...I keep... getting your clothes wet. Sorry." She sniffed, then made a weak attempt at a laugh. "It's... I must be overtired. Worrying. You look tired too. Just one of those... things..." She trailed off, taking a few deep breaths.
"...And here we are, back at square one."
Reply
"It's okay..." He furrowed his brow sympathetically. He always hated seeing anyone like this, deep down. It made him feel so helpless. "I can wash them."
...And then something stupid would happen and they'd have an argument over lobster or something, then he'd recede and shut her out. It would all go back to square one again. How ironic.
Raiden rubbed her back and looked down at her. So far, so good. Just do what it says in the dating instruction manual. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Reply
"I-I, ah... I'm not quite... sure what to say." Another nervous laugh. She sniffed again and wiped at her eyes with the back of a hand. "Thank you, though. For offering. ...Sorry."
She should have just left it at that. Talking was too dangerous. Words led to arguments. But a silence would probably just lead to more tears.
"Where were you?"
Reply
Raiden didn't particularly want to talk about the freaky PREMONITIONS nightmares and introspection part of his journey... he didn't particularly want to talk about it at all, but he was willing to satiate her curiosity and explain the technicality of his trip; where physically went... and did and how much it SUCKED. He had already hurt her anyway...
He sat at the edge of his desk and frowned. "...I drove around with no direction, so I got lost pretty quick." He said quietly. "I could have sworn I was in Alaska at some point..." It was a start.
Reply
She tucked her feet behind the legs of the chair, slipped them out, tucked them away again. Fidgeting. Finally she willed herself to cross her legs elegantly at the ankles, transferring the nervous movement to her hands clutching at the fabric of her skirt instead.
"...Alaska?" Seriously? "Such a long way... I'm glad you were able to find your way home in the end. --Ah, back here, at any rate." A bit of her hair was sticking to her damp cheek; she brushed it away and turned her head to the side.
"Unless coming back here was only an accident."
Reply
Raiden quickly scanned his office for a tissue and sadly realized he had none. There was a paper-towel roll which was all he could offer. "Here."
"I just needed some time alone."
Reply
"I can understand that. I... think I really do now. Even if it was hard for me to accept that anybody could think so differently from myself. I hate being alone." She wanted to attribute that narrow-mindedness to the human mindset, but she knew the problem lay within herself.
"...I never would have done it if I knew how much it would have bothered you. Even getting punched in the face wasn't quite as bad as thinking you wouldn't come back."
Reply
"Sometimes there's things you just need to work out yourself." He carefully said. He felt uncomfortable leaving it there and looked at her with a furrowed brow. "...How were things while I was gone?" It was natural curiosity, since if those messages were any indication, he missed some things.
"Is your office still...?"
Reply
"It's, ah... It's definitely looking better than it was. I'm going to have to replace the couch and one of the shelves eventually..." She frowned. So many of the belongings that covered those shelves had been destroyed that what was left wouldn't take up too much room anyway. Maybe a new shelf could wait after all. But her couch...
"The greenhouse was destroyed as well, but I'm not sure if the culprit was the same. Everybody did a wonderful job working together to rebuild it, though! Seeing everybody brought together by such a noble common goal... it was rather beautiful."
She looked down at the crumpled towel in her hand, rolling it between her fingers. "I believe the lawn was also covered in... ah... a mess at one point but the rain seems to have washed it away."
Reply
Yeah, half a ton of bird crap, from what it sounded like. "...yeah I don't think I could have stomached to clean all that up by myself anyway."
Reply
She laughed again at this, the sound being much more natural this time. Things were definitely looking better now. Hopefully they would stay that way. "I'm sure nobody would have faulted you for not wanting to touch it."
She was silent for a moment, then just looked up at him and finally smiled.
Reply
Laughter... sounded amazing. It sounded great. Her smile, for as smudged as her make-up was and for how puffy and red her eyes were from crying looked amazing. Raiden smiled just a little in return.
"I hope not. I don't get paid enough for that."
Reply
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