"life isn’t judged by your success as much as it is judged on how you deal with your failures"
The perfect relationship definitely had its own flaws, I suppose every relationship does. the only positive of all pain, is everything that can be gained from it. lately I’ve really been realizing how much I take for granted and how much time I spend on pointless gestures and ideology. To be honest, I have several issues with anger and love and seem to find them inextricably linked, I know how I feel, but lack to fulfill the quote “actions speak louder than words.” I come from this disaster knowing that Tim is a wonderful person and he was probably the best thing that ever happened to me, but as I repeatedly do, I tried to run away from the success through fear of success happening and used constant anger to try and build walls. The only thing that I really fear in life is never growing from these failures and getting over the physiological bind that I seem to self sabotage myself instead of just accepting the finer things in life. In the past year I have grown sooooo much and that’s all thanks to several wonderful friends and several harsh lessons. I find it very strange that although the world is moving so fast people still find the time to care when matters are at the bottommost of pits. For the first time in my life I know how my feelings are, and I cant do anything about them because I was previously unaware of them. Honestly, I think the worst thing in the world is to loose someone and not grow from it.
At first, I was really angry and ignorant of the situation but then I realized that anger was the reason for unsuccessfulness. Looking at positive things is always hard, but being negative is only neglecting the issue at hand.
The neg:
Iv cried over and over again, it hurts extremely bad to break up with someone, I have always looked at people that are crying about boyfriends and relationships and I constantly thought that it was stupid, but I finally know how it feels, and it fucking hurts. it’s a point where you just feel like your worthless and horrible while struggling with being alone. Tim was everything to me, the only person I wanted to spend time with was him and I would get extremely angry when he wasn’t around, that anger would lead to problems with the relationship and the balance slowly became unbalanced. Its extremely painful to begin a relationship and grow in a relationship and then to loose it, especially when the loss is on the receiving end.
The positive:
Now, although it really hurts there is always education in the process if you choose to accept it, for the first time in my life I sincerely feel like I have lost, my moms death and leaving my dad was not nearly as hard as this. I feel that I now understand when people are upset about relationships, and I can better help them only through only listening. Its honestly amazing that iv been through my first relationship because I never thought I could have one. It opens up many doors for new relationships and understanding for a better series of events. I had an absolutely amazing conversation with Torrente about how much pain affects you, yet society forces you to get over it quickly and try to keep it as secretive as possible, while also being forced to have strength and not loosing everything that is being juggled at the current time in life.
So basically, yeah im hurt. Yeah im extremely upset, and sure there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to try and have the relationship back, but I know that when 2 parties are no longer willing to work at the problem then you might as well quit while your ahead and grow from the experience. I will always care this much about Tim, but now I have the ability to work harder at a new relationship, and this is precisely what I am going to do.
So any friends that read this should know that, although it will be extremely hard to be around Tim, I wont let a good friendship and many other friendships go because I am jealous, or hurt. The friendships that I have gained through the last 2 months are not worth loosing. I have accepted Tim’s close friends as mine and I need to be able to accept tim as my “friend” as well.
At first, I was really angry and ignorant of the situation but then I realized that anger was the reason for unsuccessfulness. Looking at positive things is always hard, but being negative is only neglecting the issue at hand.
The neg:
Iv cried over and over again, it hurts extremely bad to break up with someone, I have always looked at people that are crying about boyfriends and relationships and I constantly thought that it was stupid, but I finally know how it feels, and it fucking hurts. it’s a point where you just feel like your worthless and horrible while struggling with being alone. Tim was everything to me, the only person I wanted to spend time with was him and I would get extremely angry when he wasn’t around, that anger would lead to problems with the relationship and the balance slowly became unbalanced. Its extremely painful to begin a relationship and grow in a relationship and then to loose it, especially when the loss is on the receiving end.
The positive:
Now, although it really hurts there is always education in the process if you choose to accept it, for the first time in my life I sincerely feel like I have lost, my moms death and leaving my dad was not nearly as hard as this. I feel that I now understand when people are upset about relationships, and I can better help them only through only listening. Its honestly amazing that iv been through my first relationship because I never thought I could have one. It opens up many doors for new relationships and understanding for a better series of events. I had an absolutely amazing conversation with Torrente about how much pain affects you, yet society forces you to get over it quickly and try to keep it as secretive as possible, while also being forced to have strength and not loosing everything that is being juggled at the current time in life.
So basically, yeah im hurt. Yeah im extremely upset, and sure there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to try and have the relationship back, but I know that when 2 parties are no longer willing to work at the problem then you might as well quit while your ahead and grow from the experience. I will always care this much about Tim, but now I have the ability to work harder at a new relationship, and this is precisely what I am going to do.
So any friends that read this should know that, although it will be extremely hard to be around Tim, I wont let a good friendship and many other friendships go because I am jealous, or hurt. The friendships that I have gained through the last 2 months are not worth loosing. I have accepted Tim’s close friends as mine and I need to be able to accept tim as my “friend” as well.