black box.

[white_rhino]

i'm tired of all of the analogies, of all of the metaphors, of all of the attempts to verbalize what's swimming through my head..

i'm tired of being made to think and rethink and overthink, even if i'd be a fool for not doing so.

i'm tired of being made to feel unpleasant, negative, uncomfortable emotions no matter how inadvertent or well-meaning the intentions were.

i'm done.

***

i'm taking this off the grid and going dark.

and if it drives me insane having to bear this internally and not being able to share it with anyone, if this turns me into a harder, more unpleasant, darker version of myself, it this kills me, then so be it.

all i can say is that if it does, you'll never know.

not anymore.