Jun 26, 2010 21:55
if i were slated to fight judas and we met in the octagon today, i'd lose.
not because he's better than me... he isn't. he doesn't have my experience, my strength, my will and most importantly, my heart.
not because he has a better team than i do... he doesn't. he doesn't have family and friends that would give him enough space to hurt, to be depressed, allow him to lean on them when he's too weak and broken to stand on his own, and then help him piece himself together again, only better.
not because he got lucky all of a sudden... he didn't. everything happens for a reason, and no wrong deed goes unpunished. he may think he's on top of the world right now, that he has everything going for him, but it's that kind of thinking that makes the fall so much more painful.
i know. i've been there, thought the exact same thing.
he wins because he's not thinking about what i'm doing, but i'm thinking about what he's doing. i can't help it, even though it's obviously out of my control. i know i shouldn't concern myself with him or what he's up to, and yet i still do.
but what i need to wrap my head around is that he could be better than he's ever been in his life, and it still won't matter. after all is said and done, there's no way in the world that he beats me, that he's better than me. at the end of it all, i still win.
and if i really want to, that's what i need to believe, in my head and my heart.
i'm not there yet. but i know i will be, in time.