(no subject)
im really wanting to quit my job this friday, but i dont want to without ahving another one first. today was ok, ive told half of my crew that im gonna be quiting soon. i do the same amount of work, plus that of a laborer, for half of what everyone else is getting paid. its fucking bullshit. i do everything pretty much that the carpenters do, and ive even been there the longest out of everyone on my crew. ive been with this company for almost 15 months. im getting screwed on my pay. i want to move out of my dads, i need insurance, and i have bills and such to pay. $9/hour doesnt fucking cut it. if i knew that i wouldnt have had a raise by now, i would have quit this job a couple months ago. it was decent during the school year, but i cant deal with $9/hour full time, which is like 36 hours a week for me, and trying to get out on my own. maybe my boss will give me a raise on my next paycheck, but i highly doubt it. what i want is a super raise to make up for the time that i should have had a raise once i came full time. i want $20/hour for a couple months, then he can put me down to like $16/hour or something after that. i just need a little more nnow because of lots of back bills. i still owe the courts $250, my anger classes $125, and my lawyer about $600. all due within the next month. o, plus car insurance at the beginning of november, and that is another $150. i also have lots of other bills, but i wont list them cuz itll take too long. if anyone has any automotive work that i could do for them, i would greatly appreciate it. i can do practically anything, i have all the tools neccessary. but some things i cant do, and id let u know on them. brakes i can do tho, and i can do them a hell of lot cheaper than any shop around, and at the same quality. i know, no one will believe me when i say that im going to find another job and such because its all been said before, but i really need to. im close to getting fired anyways, my foreman is still pissing me off. and the funny thing is that my coworkers know it, so they have been telling him that they will work with me on something to keep me away from him. to me, its hilarious. if i do go, i will miss bill and pete. they're cool. pete actually knows some of the people that i grew up with back in livonia. i want to go back and see them. i miss them. i miss a lot of things. a problem with depression is that u think about those things that u miss a lot. u think about them constantly, and it sucks.
last nite i wasnt feeling too good, so i decided to lay down for a few, i figured that i would only be out for an hour or so. NO, i was out from 530pm til 7am for work. and i was still tired. wtf?! i hate sleep sometimes. it prevents me from doing a lot of things. hey, ill sleep when im dead! or so i think, but my body disagrees. well, fuck u body. u suck! i hate u!
i know the saying goes that no one can make u happy until uve made urself happy. well, sometimes ive countered that. saturday nite i was happy, im mean like truly happy. just watching the four people that i brought to city club. it was awesome, to see their faces light up with smiles and such. and joed, sometimes they dont play that vnv nation song beloved, the djs usually play what is requested, so if a song is requested, and they have it, then theyll prolly play it. i requested that song for sarah because i wanted it played, and i know what it means to her. and when i saw her face when it came on, i cant even describe how i felt. my friends are soooo important to me. especially the ones that im really really close to. and to see them happy, makes me really happy. i put aside myself for them sometimes. wehn i need to, i do. i love them. god, there is so much i want to state right now, i just dont know..fblah. a part of me wants to cry right now. but another part wont let it, and that part always wins. i dont cry..physically. im always cring inside tho. i feel so lonely right now. i feel..unloved too. people say it, but do they actually mean it? no one shows it. blah!!
monday nite travor and i played some pool for a bit. we were both playing pretty shitty, but it was all fun. i got my poolstick back too. bob put a new tip on it for me. trevor is leaving for italy tomorow, he sucks! im gonna miss him tho. hes a good friend. dave showed up later on that nite, he played too and was extremely lucky. u fucking basturd. lol o well.
now im off to tear up the carpet in my old room so my mom can have new stuff put down by a friend of hers at work. it looks like i was starting a sandbox in there..hehe my feet were so muddy and dirty and stuff when i came inside all the time. it all got under the carpet. lol blah, well im off.
no one bother to call me for a while, not that it would change anything...
peace all
last nite i wasnt feeling too good, so i decided to lay down for a few, i figured that i would only be out for an hour or so. NO, i was out from 530pm til 7am for work. and i was still tired. wtf?! i hate sleep sometimes. it prevents me from doing a lot of things. hey, ill sleep when im dead! or so i think, but my body disagrees. well, fuck u body. u suck! i hate u!
i know the saying goes that no one can make u happy until uve made urself happy. well, sometimes ive countered that. saturday nite i was happy, im mean like truly happy. just watching the four people that i brought to city club. it was awesome, to see their faces light up with smiles and such. and joed, sometimes they dont play that vnv nation song beloved, the djs usually play what is requested, so if a song is requested, and they have it, then theyll prolly play it. i requested that song for sarah because i wanted it played, and i know what it means to her. and when i saw her face when it came on, i cant even describe how i felt. my friends are soooo important to me. especially the ones that im really really close to. and to see them happy, makes me really happy. i put aside myself for them sometimes. wehn i need to, i do. i love them. god, there is so much i want to state right now, i just dont know..fblah. a part of me wants to cry right now. but another part wont let it, and that part always wins. i dont cry..physically. im always cring inside tho. i feel so lonely right now. i feel..unloved too. people say it, but do they actually mean it? no one shows it. blah!!
monday nite travor and i played some pool for a bit. we were both playing pretty shitty, but it was all fun. i got my poolstick back too. bob put a new tip on it for me. trevor is leaving for italy tomorow, he sucks! im gonna miss him tho. hes a good friend. dave showed up later on that nite, he played too and was extremely lucky. u fucking basturd. lol o well.
now im off to tear up the carpet in my old room so my mom can have new stuff put down by a friend of hers at work. it looks like i was starting a sandbox in there..hehe my feet were so muddy and dirty and stuff when i came inside all the time. it all got under the carpet. lol blah, well im off.
no one bother to call me for a while, not that it would change anything...
peace all