Ok, so after 5 months I am so sick of this I am just going to write it on livejournal and hope that someone out there can point me in the direction of hope.AAAAAA
( Read more... )
Dancing and Creeps... Part 1whitesilkJune 6 2007, 03:15:34 UTC
I thought it couldn't hurt to give you my thoughts. It took up more room than I thought it would and will take up 1+ message... if you have time to read. :-)
[Ok, so after 5 months I am so sick of this I am just going to write it on livejournal and hope that someone out there can point me in the direction of hope.AAAAAA.
So I finally figured out a few things - and I am not happy about it. The last guy around my age who let me wear his cross totally betrayed everything the cross stands for.]
I’m not sure I understand the significance of wearing a guy’s cross unless that’s the same as wearing his ring or something else he lets you wear because he likes you and you are or want to be in a relationship.
[Since then I have not worn one. But I have been looking for an antithesis to restabalize my conception: a guy around my age who wears a cross, pays a little bit of attention to me, can explain why he does wear one, and at least acts like he means it.]
Whether looking for a significant other or a friend, finding a guy who acts like he means it can be a tough whether they dance or aren’t fond of doing so for lack of rhythm.
[I'm not looking for a significant other, I just want to find someone who can sit down and explain to me why they wear it and how they are integrating it into their life. And how dance is integrated as well, because I need help with that and I think the best help would come from someone who dances, an insider. If that person does not exist I will give up dance. I don't know what would take its place though and I am scared to just drop it and end up with a vacuum.]
I don’t know if you should give up dancing because you can’t find one person who dances, wears a cross AND truly means it. I don’t know what type of dancing you are doing, but I will say there are styles of dancing that are inappropriate, but if not participating in those, I’ve never seen anything wrong with dancing and gladly do so given the chance. But, those who dance for fun or for a living aren’t the only people that may wear a cross, ignore all it truly represents and instead wear it for decoration. I’m not sure you should give up dancing because you can’t find true Christian dancers as there are people who take part in multiple activities like singing, acting, surfing, skating, art, etc, yet they also wear the cross and don’t live the matching lifestyle. You say you don’t want to give it up as you would end up with a void nor do you know what would take its place. It’s possible no matter what you do, you may still meet people that wear a cross yet also betray what it stands for. I think I understand you don’t want to wear the cross and be mistaken for just another person who wears it for decorative purposes, but I think that what YOU wear it for is more important than what others wear it for or what they think you wear it for. It’s not easy being Christian, but the cross is just something else that’s kind of being turned from a religious icon into just another symbol… like the rainbow… originally used by God as a promise, but now it also stands for something that isn’t of God… but that’s a different story.
[I don't do well with vacuums. So I have looked at all the guys who wear crosses at dance; some of them don't give a damn about what it means and it seems like some do. And so I have picked out a likely person who would be able to answer my question with legitimacy but I haven't been able to gather the courage to do it. So I'm back to being a coward. During this time I have been approached by a couple creeps, and dealing with that makes me feel sick. I question if dancing is an obsession, if I am presenting myself in a ladylike manner or not, if I encourage that kind of treatment.]
I may not be the best person to help (I’ve decided to reply anyway) as I don’t dance regularly nor am I male and I hope you’re able to find the right person to talk to. You question if dancing is an obsession. I believe one can get to a point where they have turned dancing into an obsession, but I don’t think that happens until one is dancing every spare moment they have and are thinking about it 24/7… it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, but I’m guessing that might not be the case so for my definition, you’re not obsessed.
Re: Dancing and Creeps... Part 2whitesilkJune 6 2007, 03:16:24 UTC
[Re/ the creeps, I informed a couple good leads and my brother who took care of part of it last week. I talked with one of the good leads, a good dancer in his 40s who works at Northside Church - very intelligent and good conversation. We had a long chat at an afterparty one night and I thought that was good. There goes the dang trust again; no cross, but smart musical church guy used to ministry who talks a good game. So now, he wants to dance with me all the time. I'm not keen since I like to spread out my attention.]
It seems this guy could possibly be someone you could talk to. You mention he is crossless, but I’m sure you know not all men who are true Christians wear a cross because of a reason I wouldn’t know of being a girl. Anyhoo, I would say judging how much you can trust a man based on whether he wears a cross or not may not be the best way to go. It seems odd he would want to dance with you all the time since it seems you could be labeled friends at best.
[And then was last night. Carpool to Tampa Dance with 3 nice Christian leads I know. One of them is the guy who wears the cross. But he is being very melancholy and taciturn, I guess it is because I might have taken the place of his main squeeze in the car, but I had accepted the carpool from one of the other guys. He used to smile but he doesn't smile at me any more.]
I don’t know how relevant this is, but where was his main squeeze if you were inher place in the car? If she was in the car and he didn’t make an effort to sit next to her I’m not sure where his problem lies (and this may be an unimportant thing/issue).
[It is the distance routine that I know from my prom. I shouldn't be there, and do not intend to be again. So I am the third wheel and there is no appropriate time to ask the questions, or I am a coward and just want to go to the dance to have fun - keep some meaning in my life. He swears a couple times in passing, and I'm like "crap" is there noone I can talk to who has any legitimacy whatsoever? We get to the dance and are having a good time.]
If you were having a moment of cowardice, I hope you can find the courage to bring up your questions to this guy… assuming you haven’t changed your mind and deemed him unworthy of speaking to. If you haven’t, you could bring the questions up at a time when you’re not dancing or somewhere where you would dance… just a thought I had.
[I've worn this outfit to 3 other dances. it is a longer full skirt with sequins so I have tested it out, considered it appropriately weighted, and elegantly ladylike - and had this confirmed by multiple people. Last night the 40 something confirmed that again.]
Sounds like a nice skirt.
[And yeah, I had the classic skirt tucked in the panties incident after coming from the restroom. But that is when I started noticing things. It was one of the girls who informed me, not any of the watching guys. The guys heard people talking behind my back but did nothing. I sat out 2 songs as is appropriate, but was so hopped up on adrenaline and epinephrine that I happily laughed it off and was back on the dance floor to finish out the night.]
I think I’d be so paranoid about doing that, that I would check my rear in the mirror before showing myself in public again. I never heard of the appropriate action of sitting out 2 songs after.
[We drove back to UCF and I switched cars. Only then did one of the guys go over and mention that I might need longer shorts. So for 4 hours, no one had said anything. And the 40 something had danced with me the most and kept commenting on the skirt. I CAN do something about that! I could go to Wal-Mart (I’ve done that before).]
I have really tried to come up with what going to Wal-Mart has to do with the skirt and the compliments from the 40-something guy. I came up with two options: 1. you would go to Wal-Mart instead of dancing or 2. you would buy something at Wal-Mart to wear instead of the skirt… or it could be something else entirely!
Dancing and Creeps... Last PartwhitesilkJune 6 2007, 03:17:13 UTC
[I could have watched myself and put the brakes on some of the moves, or used my free hand to maintain modest dancing behaviour.]
I could be wrong, but maybe some or all creeps have approached you because of the kind of dancing you are doing. If you feel you could have used your free hand to maintain modest dancing behaviour or stop dancing a certain way, maybe you need to make some changes, which could possibly result in the creeps leaving you alone. Maybe you didn’t know what you were doing at the time, but using hindsight, you could know what not to do in the future. Again, I could be wrong, since I’m not there to witness anything.
[I COULD have been content to sit out and talk and just enjoy watching others. But they all let me just go. Like I knew what I was doing and didn't care. Like I was some kind of dance whore. I then remembered that when I went to the Friday dance, the 40 something had been a little friendly - I had worn an 80s inspired outfit that got rave reviews; a blousy long sleeveless with a little skirt top, and thick black leggings with heels.]
From what I understand you were wearing a long sleeveless shirt, a short skirt, black leggings and high heels. If I’m right about the skirt… it may have been too short. As for the rest, it sounds fine although I’m wondering how you comfortably dance in heels.
[Again, hopped up on adrenaline and epinephrine I plonked the liberty with my knee down to "hi, you look nice". Idiot.]
How in the world do you plonk the liberty with your knee down to “hi, you look nice”?
[I thought that if I was just able to defend myself, you know, beat someone up who didn't treat me like a lady, I would redeem respect.]
If there is a guy who doesn’t treat you like a lady, I would say he doesn’t deserve to hang out with you. If a guy is enough of a creep to treat you less than what you are, my advice is just to steer clear of him if possible. Unfortunately, we can’t get respect from everybody.
[But the people who I wanted to respect were the ones with the most responsibility, and only one of them let me in on the thing that was a mystery to me.]
If this person hasn’t been deemed a creep, maybe he’s worth getting to know better.
[I do not need attention that badly. And one of the leads I wanted to trust is now on the creep list. How do I beat up the people I know, and want to trust?]
I apologize, but I’m not doing well with what you mean by “beat someone up”. My guess is you don’t mean it literally, but I’m not sure I know what you mean metaphorically, either. It’s hard wanting to trust someone at the same time that they may be showing signs they’re not what you’re looking for.
[So I now feel like crap. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to be a dance whore, but I love the dance so much. I know that dance is just for a season. I know that it is just a place holder until I can fulfill my destiny in the lord. I feel like dirt. What do I do?]
I’m not sure I can give you a definite answer in what you should do, but I can’t tell you to stop dancing. It’s a way of expressing one’s self and I think it can maybe also be used to let out pent up emotions. I don’t know if you need to find a different group of people to dance with, if you need to change your style of dancing or if you need to change where it you dance. I’m sure you’ve heard this 1000 times before, but I think you should pray about it. If God doesn’t want you to dance right now or ever again, I’m sure he’s got something better for you He would love for you to do instead. All you can do is ask and keep asking until you feel He’s given you an answer.
[Ok, so after 5 months I am so sick of this I am just going to write it on livejournal and hope that someone out there can point me in the direction of hope.AAAAAA.
So I finally figured out a few things - and I am not happy about it. The last guy around my age who let me wear his cross totally betrayed everything the cross stands for.]
I’m not sure I understand the significance of wearing a guy’s cross unless that’s the same as wearing his ring or something else he lets you wear because he likes you and you are or want to be in a relationship.
[Since then I have not worn one. But I have been looking for an antithesis to restabalize my conception: a guy around my age who wears a cross, pays a little bit of attention to me, can explain why he does wear one, and at least acts like he means it.]
Whether looking for a significant other or a friend, finding a guy who acts like he means it can be a tough whether they dance or aren’t fond of doing so for lack of rhythm.
[I'm not looking for a significant other, I just want to find someone who can sit down and explain to me why they wear it and how they are integrating it into their life. And how dance is integrated as well, because I need help with that and I think the best help would come from someone who dances, an insider. If that person does not exist I will give up dance. I don't know what would take its place though and I am scared to just drop it and end up with a vacuum.]
I don’t know if you should give up dancing because you can’t find one person who dances, wears a cross AND truly means it. I don’t know what type of dancing you are doing, but I will say there are styles of dancing that are inappropriate, but if not participating in those, I’ve never seen anything wrong with dancing and gladly do so given the chance. But, those who dance for fun or for a living aren’t the only people that may wear a cross, ignore all it truly represents and instead wear it for decoration. I’m not sure you should give up dancing because you can’t find true Christian dancers as there are people who take part in multiple activities like singing, acting, surfing, skating, art, etc, yet they also wear the cross and don’t live the matching lifestyle. You say you don’t want to give it up as you would end up with a void nor do you know what would take its place. It’s possible no matter what you do, you may still meet people that wear a cross yet also betray what it stands for. I think I understand you don’t want to wear the cross and be mistaken for just another person who wears it for decorative purposes, but I think that what YOU wear it for is more important than what others wear it for or what they think you wear it for. It’s not easy being Christian, but the cross is just something else that’s kind of being turned from a religious icon into just another symbol… like the rainbow… originally used by God as a promise, but now it also stands for something that isn’t of God… but that’s a different story.
[I don't do well with vacuums. So I have looked at all the guys who wear crosses at dance; some of them don't give a damn about what it means and it seems like some do. And so I have picked out a likely person who would be able to answer my question with legitimacy but I haven't been able to gather the courage to do it. So I'm back to being a coward. During this time I have been approached by a couple creeps, and dealing with that makes me feel sick. I question if dancing is an obsession, if I am presenting myself in a ladylike manner or not, if I encourage that kind of treatment.]
I may not be the best person to help (I’ve decided to reply anyway) as I don’t dance regularly nor am I male and I hope you’re able to find the right person to talk to. You question if dancing is an obsession. I believe one can get to a point where they have turned dancing into an obsession, but I don’t think that happens until one is dancing every spare moment they have and are thinking about it 24/7… it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, but I’m guessing that might not be the case so for my definition, you’re not obsessed.
Reply
It seems this guy could possibly be someone you could talk to. You mention he is crossless, but I’m sure you know not all men who are true Christians wear a cross because of a reason I wouldn’t know of being a girl. Anyhoo, I would say judging how much you can trust a man based on whether he wears a cross or not may not be the best way to go. It seems odd he would want to dance with you all the time since it seems you could be labeled friends at best.
[And then was last night. Carpool to Tampa Dance with 3 nice Christian leads I know. One of them is the guy who wears the cross. But he is being very melancholy and taciturn, I guess it is because I might have taken the place of his main squeeze in the car, but I had accepted the carpool from one of the other guys. He used to smile but he doesn't smile at me any more.]
I don’t know how relevant this is, but where was his main squeeze if you were inher place in the car? If she was in the car and he didn’t make an effort to sit next to her I’m not sure where his problem lies (and this may be an unimportant thing/issue).
[It is the distance routine that I know from my prom. I shouldn't be there, and do not intend to be again. So I am the third wheel and there is no appropriate time to ask the questions, or I am a coward and just want to go to the dance to have fun - keep some meaning in my life. He swears a couple times in passing, and I'm like "crap" is there noone I can talk to who has any legitimacy whatsoever? We get to the dance and are having a good time.]
If you were having a moment of cowardice, I hope you can find the courage to bring up your questions to this guy… assuming you haven’t changed your mind and deemed him unworthy of speaking to. If you haven’t, you could bring the questions up at a time when you’re not dancing or somewhere where you would dance… just a thought I had.
[I've worn this outfit to 3 other dances. it is a longer full skirt with sequins so I have tested it out, considered it appropriately weighted, and elegantly ladylike - and had this confirmed by multiple people. Last night the 40 something confirmed that again.]
Sounds like a nice skirt.
[And yeah, I had the classic skirt tucked in the panties incident after coming from the restroom. But that is when I started noticing things. It was one of the girls who informed me, not any of the watching guys. The guys heard people talking behind my back but did nothing. I sat out 2 songs as is appropriate, but was so hopped up on adrenaline and epinephrine that I happily laughed it off and was back on the dance floor to finish out the night.]
I think I’d be so paranoid about doing that, that I would check my rear in the mirror before showing myself in public again. I never heard of the appropriate action of sitting out 2 songs after.
[We drove back to UCF and I switched cars. Only then did one of the guys go over and mention that I might need longer shorts. So for 4 hours, no one had said anything. And the 40 something had danced with me the most and kept commenting on the skirt. I CAN do something about that! I could go to Wal-Mart (I’ve done that before).]
I have really tried to come up with what going to Wal-Mart has to do with the skirt and the compliments from the 40-something guy. I came up with two options: 1. you would go to Wal-Mart instead of dancing or 2. you would buy something at Wal-Mart to wear instead of the skirt… or it could be something else entirely!
Reply
I could be wrong, but maybe some or all creeps have approached you because of the kind of dancing you are doing. If you feel you could have used your free hand to maintain modest dancing behaviour or stop dancing a certain way, maybe you need to make some changes, which could possibly result in the creeps leaving you alone. Maybe you didn’t know what you were doing at the time, but using hindsight, you could know what not to do in the future. Again, I could be wrong, since I’m not there to witness anything.
[I COULD have been content to sit out and talk and just enjoy watching others. But they all let me just go. Like I knew what I was doing and didn't care. Like I was some kind of dance whore. I then remembered that when I went to the Friday dance, the 40 something had been a little friendly - I had worn an 80s inspired outfit that got rave reviews; a blousy long sleeveless with a little skirt top, and thick black leggings with heels.]
From what I understand you were wearing a long sleeveless shirt, a short skirt, black leggings and high heels. If I’m right about the skirt… it may have been too short. As for the rest, it sounds fine although I’m wondering how you comfortably dance in heels.
[Again, hopped up on adrenaline and epinephrine I plonked the liberty with my knee down to "hi, you look nice". Idiot.]
How in the world do you plonk the liberty with your knee down to “hi, you look nice”?
[I thought that if I was just able to defend myself, you know, beat someone up who didn't treat me like a lady, I would redeem respect.]
If there is a guy who doesn’t treat you like a lady, I would say he doesn’t deserve to hang out with you. If a guy is enough of a creep to treat you less than what you are, my advice is just to steer clear of him if possible. Unfortunately, we can’t get respect from everybody.
[But the people who I wanted to respect were the ones with the most responsibility, and only one of them let me in on the thing that was a mystery to me.]
If this person hasn’t been deemed a creep, maybe he’s worth getting to know better.
[I do not need attention that badly. And one of the leads I wanted to trust is now on the creep list. How do I beat up the people I know, and want to trust?]
I apologize, but I’m not doing well with what you mean by “beat someone up”. My guess is you don’t mean it literally, but I’m not sure I know what you mean metaphorically, either. It’s hard wanting to trust someone at the same time that they may be showing signs they’re not what you’re looking for.
[So I now feel like crap. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to be a dance whore, but I love the dance so much. I know that dance is just for a season. I know that it is just a place holder until I can fulfill my destiny in the lord. I feel like dirt. What do I do?]
I’m not sure I can give you a definite answer in what you should do, but I can’t tell you to stop dancing. It’s a way of expressing one’s self and I think it can maybe also be used to let out pent up emotions. I don’t know if you need to find a different group of people to dance with, if you need to change your style of dancing or if you need to change where it you dance. I’m sure you’ve heard this 1000 times before, but I think you should pray about it. If God doesn’t want you to dance right now or ever again, I’m sure he’s got something better for you He would love for you to do instead. All you can do is ask and keep asking until you feel He’s given you an answer.
Reply
Leave a comment