(no subject)
Is it bad that I feel like I'm lost? I don't know who I am. I don't have many friends here, in fact I really just have one. Olga. Yet, she's gone often times and so...I don't know. I thought coming back it'd be better than it last was for me in Salt Lake. I must have had too high of expectations. I just want someone to care about what I have say. I've been getting too much this response...of talking (there are people around) and I don't get any response. They know I'm talking to them or I get people I talk to and as I'm talking in the middle of my sentence they get up and leave. If this was just aquaintances I'd be able to roll it off, but it isn't. It's my closest friends out here. So, I'm frustrated. I feel like I'm not really a part of anyone's life. At least at home I always had the elderly and my family. So, at this point I'm really missing home. Isn't that a crazy thing?!? Me...missing home. There was a point that's the last feeling I had.
This weekend also...I baked these cream puffs. I didn't really have any intentions as to why. But, then I realized my sister was going to be in Salt Lake this past weekend. She however called me up after planning on several occasions to meet up that her roommates were wanting to just head home. We're only 5 minutes from the conference center. After baking the cream puffs all I wanted to do was hang up on her. I'm so sick of being blown off. So, I've been really pessimistic lately. I've been far too blunt about things and have not been the person I want to be around. Why do I let people get to me?
Beyond all my depressed self and the pessimism and venting...there's one positive thing I must say. God is always looking out for me. It's incredible. Being in such a low...He provides someone to look out for me. That'd be my mom...she doesn't normally call. Especially so recently after the last time we talked. Man...did I need that phone call. I love her so much.
Also, in attempts to drown out all my feelings and frustrations I've been watching far too much TV I saw Grey's Anatomy...all the 3rd season. Also, saw all the series of Lord of the Rings for the first time. Good shows, but I'm through of being my poopy self, somehow I've gotta find myself. I've gotta just plug on through all these silly people in my life that treat me the way they do. I can't control them...I however can control how I let it affect me. I just keep telling myself that.
This weekend also...I baked these cream puffs. I didn't really have any intentions as to why. But, then I realized my sister was going to be in Salt Lake this past weekend. She however called me up after planning on several occasions to meet up that her roommates were wanting to just head home. We're only 5 minutes from the conference center. After baking the cream puffs all I wanted to do was hang up on her. I'm so sick of being blown off. So, I've been really pessimistic lately. I've been far too blunt about things and have not been the person I want to be around. Why do I let people get to me?
Beyond all my depressed self and the pessimism and venting...there's one positive thing I must say. God is always looking out for me. It's incredible. Being in such a low...He provides someone to look out for me. That'd be my mom...she doesn't normally call. Especially so recently after the last time we talked. Man...did I need that phone call. I love her so much.
Also, in attempts to drown out all my feelings and frustrations I've been watching far too much TV I saw Grey's Anatomy...all the 3rd season. Also, saw all the series of Lord of the Rings for the first time. Good shows, but I'm through of being my poopy self, somehow I've gotta find myself. I've gotta just plug on through all these silly people in my life that treat me the way they do. I can't control them...I however can control how I let it affect me. I just keep telling myself that.