just a journal entry.
i got a new hobby.
theres not much of the scene out here, or at least i havent found it.
no molly, no crazy shit, no all night parties.
its good.
now its just me.
my bills that arent being paid.
and my fingers.
which hurt.
im not terribly fond of this place. dc. its adorable. and lame.
boring. may be the word.
i have to tell jason i dont love him.
he seems to love me...or just tells me often.
he does a lot for me. i dont ask for any of it.
i dont think he'll take it well.
and theres never the right time to tell him.
not sure when to bring it up.
he's a tiny bit dramatic.
and older(33) so he thinks hes more valid in everything.
the truth is, hes stuck. he isnt an artist. hes a musician.
a corporate, working ant of a person. always practical and very high strung.
the other truth is, i cant stand it.
strangely we get along nice.
i dont think he knows i secretly dislike him. alot.
that makes me feel like one of the people in that book wes and i read through at the guys' house.
i think i love john lee.
i cant ever stop thinking about him.
i miss him.
i want to curl up in his cabin in the woods and live secluded. thats place up there is so inspirational.
or at least just see him again. :)
i hope hes in the same boat. i feel kinda silly thinking he may just see me as a silly little girl with a crush. but we had a crazy unique time together.
grendal...the dog is scared of the thunder.
so i sing to him with my guitar and he calms down.
at least someone likes it.
ny.
then theres always ny.
matt. from gertie fox.
hes strange. well funny.
in our messeges he seems to kind of hit on me.
its been a few years and we only had a short friendship with an accidental valentines day. i slept over. we kissed. he had a beard and was six years older than my 18. he tickle attacked me and i played his keyboard.
i think we will hang out again soon. since we are close. philly/dc...its all on the east.
speaking of east...canada. i wondered about going up there and finding the best ol sailor i could to teach me it all. eli is there. an old omnicircusser. a real live canadian. good guy. he says i could stay up there as long as i want.
someone buy my car.
please.
im awesome.
i almost had a panic attack two nights ago.
i didnt understand why i felt so anxious.
it was this uncontrollable feeling. kinda cracky and uneasy.
once i realized it i did nothing but count my breath.
in. 1.2.3.4. out. 1.2.3.4.
you have to keep it simple. very simple.
it was very difficult because i kept getting distracted in thought, but eventually i fell asleep.
i want to scream.
as loud as i can.
i dont for fear someone will call the police.
theres not much of the scene out here, or at least i havent found it.
no molly, no crazy shit, no all night parties.
its good.
now its just me.
my bills that arent being paid.
and my fingers.
which hurt.
im not terribly fond of this place. dc. its adorable. and lame.
boring. may be the word.
i have to tell jason i dont love him.
he seems to love me...or just tells me often.
he does a lot for me. i dont ask for any of it.
i dont think he'll take it well.
and theres never the right time to tell him.
not sure when to bring it up.
he's a tiny bit dramatic.
and older(33) so he thinks hes more valid in everything.
the truth is, hes stuck. he isnt an artist. hes a musician.
a corporate, working ant of a person. always practical and very high strung.
the other truth is, i cant stand it.
strangely we get along nice.
i dont think he knows i secretly dislike him. alot.
that makes me feel like one of the people in that book wes and i read through at the guys' house.
i think i love john lee.
i cant ever stop thinking about him.
i miss him.
i want to curl up in his cabin in the woods and live secluded. thats place up there is so inspirational.
or at least just see him again. :)
i hope hes in the same boat. i feel kinda silly thinking he may just see me as a silly little girl with a crush. but we had a crazy unique time together.
grendal...the dog is scared of the thunder.
so i sing to him with my guitar and he calms down.
at least someone likes it.
ny.
then theres always ny.
matt. from gertie fox.
hes strange. well funny.
in our messeges he seems to kind of hit on me.
its been a few years and we only had a short friendship with an accidental valentines day. i slept over. we kissed. he had a beard and was six years older than my 18. he tickle attacked me and i played his keyboard.
i think we will hang out again soon. since we are close. philly/dc...its all on the east.
speaking of east...canada. i wondered about going up there and finding the best ol sailor i could to teach me it all. eli is there. an old omnicircusser. a real live canadian. good guy. he says i could stay up there as long as i want.
someone buy my car.
please.
im awesome.
i almost had a panic attack two nights ago.
i didnt understand why i felt so anxious.
it was this uncontrollable feeling. kinda cracky and uneasy.
once i realized it i did nothing but count my breath.
in. 1.2.3.4. out. 1.2.3.4.
you have to keep it simple. very simple.
it was very difficult because i kept getting distracted in thought, but eventually i fell asleep.
i want to scream.
as loud as i can.
i dont for fear someone will call the police.