well obviously THESE emotions are pointless

[whisperedwings]

im pretty insecure right now and ive just about had it with myself. for whatever reason i cant help but apologize about a billion times for stupid shit i do. mostly shit i cant help or things that are so unnecessary that its just stupid. so when stacy gets all bitchy at me i cant help but feel like im doing something wrong. so then i start apologizing. well today after i said "sorry for bothering you" and then she says... "you arent BOTHERING me." when its pretty obvious that i am...i say "ok im gonna go NOT bother you some more" and now im sitting out here pissed off because if i had just learned to not have to feel bad about EVERYTHING i fucking do id be fun. but this is not the case. she can make me feel pretty good and happy and nice and all those great things that come with a relationship and then other times make me feel stupid and naive and a burden. she might not mean to make me feel like that but i do sometimes. and i usually just stay quiet and stew in it for a little while, and then after awhile it will be ok. well most of the times i think to myself that i should feel bad because im being retarded or im trying to fix things when they do need to be fixed or care about someone that doesnt need to be cared about at the moment. im babbling.

really...i guess the real message is not to be so sensitive and not so clingy and if she doesnt want me to give a FUCK about her then i guess i just fucking wont.