Grrr!

[whisperedrumour]

I feel so guilty, yet so happy. I was supposed to go to Nicoles at like ten thirty tonight. Well I ended up going out with Jeff and Richard, that was all great. Of course when you go out with those two, you know you are going to end up doing something gay. Well I went with them to a gay youth group, Lamda. That was great, I made some friends, including one Justin, who was really hot;) Well, that's all besides the point, I wanted to be at Nicole's by at least 11:30, I tried to get out of there by then, but no one wanted to leave so I couldn't get a ride, so I end up rolling over to Nicole's at like 2:00 when I am supposed to be home at like 3:00 and it takes me like 30 minutes to get home from her house, so I ended up spending all my time saying sorry, and I made her slap me:( cause I feel so bad and she was letting me off easy. I made her wait for me, yet I had so much fun and I met a lot of guys I was interested. I feel so guilty, not just cause I made her wait like a stupid dick head (god for once I feel like the typical male, eww) but also cause I had fun while I made her feel so bad. I am so sorry Nicole! I love you and you deserve better!

So bottom line: I feel like shit, I hurt someone I truly care for, and what's worse, I didn't feel so bad at the moment, I hate myself for that.

I love you...