I am just looking for a friend...
Men never seem to change for me. I'll never know what it's like to have a healthy relationship. I hate being ugly. I hate being mean. I hate being me. I hate people calling me a slut. I hate it. I hate things I've did. I hate people I know. I hate it all. Why can't I just...I don't know. I need a friend whose not going to judge me on everything I've done. I hate myself for trusting him with all my secrets. I hate being so in love with him. I hate him. I need a guy who isn't going to treat me like dirt the moment we get into a fight. I need a guy whose going to be able to come and hug me everyday at the end of school and be like 'it's an all right day.'I need to experience being single.. or at least getting to know people before jumping into relationships with them and end up hating myself in the end. I need a guy.. who truly loves me. A guy whose friends don't call me names behind my back... or act like I am a total dumb ass. Fuck him I don't need him or his friends. I need help, that's what I need. Somebody help me before I do something stupid. Don't get me wrong I don't hate his friends, I just hate what he says about them. Maybe I should look into some of the sophomores in my neighborhood. No freshman guys, they all equal = future .. mole...and rap...= my sanity. I need just one guy from school to tell me... Andrea.. you deserve better.. andrea you've always been pretty to me.. andrea i'll be there for you and andrea this isn't my way of just getting you to go out with me. I just want a genuine person. I've never felt anything for my guy friends at school.. except when i first met most of them in 6th grade... and I will never feel anything for them. I've hurt myself, I've lied to my bestfriends... and most of all... I've lost my guy friends..because.. he thought i would cheat on him with them... so I stayed away from them. Now I am just a whore... a whore to him... 9 months gone... thanks fate.. you suck. Well I am going to go talk to kelly before I go crazy.
I'm sorry for everything... I am sorry for being me... I am sorry for even suggesting what I suggested. Most of all I'm sorry to my bestfriends for not being there.
P.s. High schools great... everybodys crazy and at least I don't have to face him monday morning and look at everything I hate about myself in his eyes.
Favorite quotes of the week, "I like his shirt and he has pretty legs., Friend:"ew," You are a guy if you thought his legs were pretty you'd be gay."
"Don't wear pink, we already think you are gay enough. Don't prove us right."
"One less mouth to feed."
"If I leave the milk there long enough it'll turn to cheese."
Oh and by the way I am 15 now. Last week I turned 15... yeah thanks for everybody who forgot. ( This isn't towards lj people.)
I'm sorry for everything... I am sorry for being me... I am sorry for even suggesting what I suggested. Most of all I'm sorry to my bestfriends for not being there.
P.s. High schools great... everybodys crazy and at least I don't have to face him monday morning and look at everything I hate about myself in his eyes.
Favorite quotes of the week, "I like his shirt and he has pretty legs., Friend:"ew," You are a guy if you thought his legs were pretty you'd be gay."
"Don't wear pink, we already think you are gay enough. Don't prove us right."
"One less mouth to feed."
"If I leave the milk there long enough it'll turn to cheese."
Oh and by the way I am 15 now. Last week I turned 15... yeah thanks for everybody who forgot. ( This isn't towards lj people.)